By Teecee Go
It is an undeniable fact that there are times when you can be deeply heart-broken in your marriage. You may face some situations that disappoint and hurt you greatly. You may even decide to break up. However, at whatever stage you are in, divorce may not be the right solution. Your marriage may still be at the brink of collapse or you may have already divorced. Divorce is something that should only be turned to when everything else fails. You should try to save your relationship as much as you can.
When you are heart-broken in your marriage and decide to seek divorce, you may just end up opening a Pandora's Box where you are likely to be hurt even more. Divorce does not usually bring the desired peace of mind but just creates more frustrations to both partners involved. The devastation is bound to reverberate to all those people you are close to, which does not just include kids, if there are any.
Ideally, you should not be considering divorce as a solution to your heart-break. However, even if you are thinking of it, you should at least hold it back until you try the following measures.
Marriage counseling or therapy
When things are getting out of hand between you and your spouse, you may need to seek professional intervention. It is better if both of you can go for marriage counseling. Nevertheless, if this is not possible, you can take the initiative. It will be better than not taking this corrective measure at all. You will be able to receive a lot of great insights.
Therapy can help you to discover other issues that are not even directly related to your marital problems. You need to understand that you should not just focus on your marriage when you want to heal your broken heart. For a healthy relationship, you will need to tackle a number of issues from time to time.
Communication
The solution to marital problems often becomes painfully ironic and tricky due to the significant role that communication plays. In order to solve problems, there is need of open communication between spouses. Sadly, it is this important ingredient that is often cut off when problems begin to rear their ugly heads.
It is through communication that you will be able to reach an amicable solution to your problem. When you would like to heal your broken heart, you cannot take communication as just one of the solutions you may opt for. It is a must.
Spending some time together
When speaking of spending time together, it means being alone together. Nothing should interrupt your quality time as you restore the spark between you.
By Teecee Go
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
How Can I Makeup With My Girlfriend? - Effective Solutions
By Rahul D
Normally, a woman breaks up with a man due to reasons like cheating on her, his annoying friends, or his irksome lifestyle. If your girlfriend has dumped you, then you might have reason to ask yourself - how can I makeup with my girlfriend. You can makeup if you both had a real relationship together for which you can use these tips.
1. Leave her alone and let her miss you. You may be tempted to email, send an SMS, or call her up. But if you really want to makeup with her, then avoid doing these things unless off course you are the one who is seriously guilty for the rift between you two.
2. Since you are the one who wants her back, you should make an effort from your side and make the first move. However, wait for three weeks before you call her. Talk to her in a casual way. Do not show her that you have been affected by the break up.
3. If the problems that caused the break up are not of a serious nature, then the chances of you getting your girlfriend back are greater then if you cheated on her.
4. Never tell her that your life has become miserable because of the break up. She may patch up with you out of pity but only for a short time.
5. If she talks to you pleasantly you could ask for a second chance, however, do not forget to ask her how you can make things right again. Remember, she is not to be taken for granted.
6. Finally while asking for a second chance, do not whine, cry or persuade. This will instantly turn her off and your chance of getting her back will turn bleak. Be confident, and tell her that you miss her. Then ask for a second chance.
By Rahul D
Normally, a woman breaks up with a man due to reasons like cheating on her, his annoying friends, or his irksome lifestyle. If your girlfriend has dumped you, then you might have reason to ask yourself - how can I makeup with my girlfriend. You can makeup if you both had a real relationship together for which you can use these tips.
1. Leave her alone and let her miss you. You may be tempted to email, send an SMS, or call her up. But if you really want to makeup with her, then avoid doing these things unless off course you are the one who is seriously guilty for the rift between you two.
2. Since you are the one who wants her back, you should make an effort from your side and make the first move. However, wait for three weeks before you call her. Talk to her in a casual way. Do not show her that you have been affected by the break up.
3. If the problems that caused the break up are not of a serious nature, then the chances of you getting your girlfriend back are greater then if you cheated on her.
4. Never tell her that your life has become miserable because of the break up. She may patch up with you out of pity but only for a short time.
5. If she talks to you pleasantly you could ask for a second chance, however, do not forget to ask her how you can make things right again. Remember, she is not to be taken for granted.
6. Finally while asking for a second chance, do not whine, cry or persuade. This will instantly turn her off and your chance of getting her back will turn bleak. Be confident, and tell her that you miss her. Then ask for a second chance.
By Rahul D
I Want Revenge on My Ex Boyfriend - Here is a What I Did
By Wande Ramos
I was married less than a year when my husband called me on the phone one day to say he wanted a divorce. No surprise in the use of the phone, he proposed to me that way also.
Never the less I was shocked. This had been a real life changing experience for me for once I married I moved away to his state, also quit my job to find work in his home town. Moved my daughters to a new school and literally became a Mrs. and forgot me.
I was angry, hurt and ready to kill him I want revenge. It is a frustrating sort of anger one that slowly builds inside till you want to explode. At first I tried the nice way and cooperate with his plan of separation hoping he would change his mind. I watched as he packed his things and moved out.
Now I was left with alone with my girls in a strange town with no friends of mine own, only his family and acquaintances. I knew I had to get out of there and go back home to where I felt safe and loved.
Quickly I packed and moved in spite of the fact, that it was the middle of the school year and I had no job back home. It felt great to at least have some control of my life.
Once back home, I had plenty of time to think of what he did and my anger grew even stronger. I felt I had left something undone that I had not fought for my side. Now that some weeks had gone by, I started to think this would be a good time to take revenge on my ex, he would never see it coming.
I went over what he loved the most that I could destroy. I imagined traveling back to his hometown he often worked late, so I knew where I could find his car. I could easily sneak into the parking lot and pour red paint on his pretty white car that he loved so much, That would be a sweet revenge on ex.
Better yet for real revenge I could write a letter to his boss accusing him of bribery and theft which would have gotten him fired! Or even calling his mother and lying about physical abuse which would have hurt him and her.
It played over and over in my mind how to do these things and how I would feel after. My girlfriend even volunteered to drive down with me to pull off my revenge on my ex schemes, we had it all planned out.
Then it hit me, what kind of person am I? Do I need revenge in order to move on and feel better about myself? There was nothing wrong with me, I did nothing wrong, it was him who was the idiot. What better revenge on my ex could there be than just completely erase him out of my heart and life. Like he never existed on this planet!
I felt better already knowing I did not have to go to extreme actions to get over him. Hurting him would only prove he meant something to me and that emotion he was not getting ever again. Revenge on my ex would only have hurt me and bring me down for it would not have restored my relationship, one that obviously was not right in the first place.
Yes, revenge on your ex is the first reaction when you are hurt. But if you give yourself time to really think and realize exactly who you will be hurting, it will fade away rather quickly.
Life experiences are only mistakes if you do not learn from them. Now you know to be careful the next time. Take the time to invest in yourself by learning from other couples mistakes. There are plenty of great resource on the internet that will teach you what to look out for and how to build a sold relationship.
Next time there will be no heartaches and thoughts of revenge for you will know more about yourself and how to have a love that will last forever.
By Wande Ramos
I was married less than a year when my husband called me on the phone one day to say he wanted a divorce. No surprise in the use of the phone, he proposed to me that way also.
Never the less I was shocked. This had been a real life changing experience for me for once I married I moved away to his state, also quit my job to find work in his home town. Moved my daughters to a new school and literally became a Mrs. and forgot me.
I was angry, hurt and ready to kill him I want revenge. It is a frustrating sort of anger one that slowly builds inside till you want to explode. At first I tried the nice way and cooperate with his plan of separation hoping he would change his mind. I watched as he packed his things and moved out.
Now I was left with alone with my girls in a strange town with no friends of mine own, only his family and acquaintances. I knew I had to get out of there and go back home to where I felt safe and loved.
Quickly I packed and moved in spite of the fact, that it was the middle of the school year and I had no job back home. It felt great to at least have some control of my life.
Once back home, I had plenty of time to think of what he did and my anger grew even stronger. I felt I had left something undone that I had not fought for my side. Now that some weeks had gone by, I started to think this would be a good time to take revenge on my ex, he would never see it coming.
I went over what he loved the most that I could destroy. I imagined traveling back to his hometown he often worked late, so I knew where I could find his car. I could easily sneak into the parking lot and pour red paint on his pretty white car that he loved so much, That would be a sweet revenge on ex.
Better yet for real revenge I could write a letter to his boss accusing him of bribery and theft which would have gotten him fired! Or even calling his mother and lying about physical abuse which would have hurt him and her.
It played over and over in my mind how to do these things and how I would feel after. My girlfriend even volunteered to drive down with me to pull off my revenge on my ex schemes, we had it all planned out.
Then it hit me, what kind of person am I? Do I need revenge in order to move on and feel better about myself? There was nothing wrong with me, I did nothing wrong, it was him who was the idiot. What better revenge on my ex could there be than just completely erase him out of my heart and life. Like he never existed on this planet!
I felt better already knowing I did not have to go to extreme actions to get over him. Hurting him would only prove he meant something to me and that emotion he was not getting ever again. Revenge on my ex would only have hurt me and bring me down for it would not have restored my relationship, one that obviously was not right in the first place.
Yes, revenge on your ex is the first reaction when you are hurt. But if you give yourself time to really think and realize exactly who you will be hurting, it will fade away rather quickly.
Life experiences are only mistakes if you do not learn from them. Now you know to be careful the next time. Take the time to invest in yourself by learning from other couples mistakes. There are plenty of great resource on the internet that will teach you what to look out for and how to build a sold relationship.
Next time there will be no heartaches and thoughts of revenge for you will know more about yourself and how to have a love that will last forever.
By Wande Ramos
How Men and Women View Relationships - How to Win Him Back
By Teecee Go
Have you ever felt so comfortable with someone that you revealed something you immediately wished you hadn't? Did he cringe? Did you cringe? It may have been something innocent, but it just came out wrong or misunderstood, and then you both didn't want to talk about it. It sounded innocent enough when you rehearsed it with your girls. However, their reaction was not even close to his reaction. Try to remember that men and women think differently.
You are not the first woman that has had to deal with this situation. You can learn a lesson from the countless others that have been in your shoes.
Men don't run from commitment; instead they run from a woman they don't want a commitment from. Men don't pull away from the relationship because you can animate a story that brings the house down. They withdraw when your stories starts to embarrass or belittle them. Men don't want their fears pointed out, whether or not you are joking. It's okay to be funny but certainly not at his expense.
Men see fears or insecurities in a completely different manner than women. When women see insecurities and fears in a man, she either wants to fix him or grab her keys and run for the door. When men see insecurities and fears in a woman, he starts calculating how long he can have sex with her before he calls it quits. When you tell him you don't want your current relationship to end like the previous relationship, he'll begin to think that you have learned nothing from it and feel the mistakes are doomed to repeat themselves. He wants your issues to be in order when you both sit down to the table.
Men and women tend date to have fun. Men want to have fun with someone that is easygoing and lively. He wants someone that is good on the inside and will project that good inside outside. Men want to date women that are sexy but they will commit to a woman that is emotionally grounded.
Learn how to conquer your insecurities and channel your fears so that you are in control of your life. There is a time and a place for everything. If you must talk about your fears and insecurities, present them using a positive perspective. Ensure the atmosphere is appropriate for the talk. You must also ensure the topic is appropriate for the conversation. When you tell talk about yourself, don't forget to include your growth progress. Let him know that you are aware of your flaws and are in control.
Be confident in knowing your shortcomings and be proactive in resolving them. Confidence is not something you can fake so it's important to have it. Better yourself and practice your swagger. Women who carry themselves like they can face anything intrigue men. In fact, for many men, it's quite a turn on.
By Teecee Go
Have you ever felt so comfortable with someone that you revealed something you immediately wished you hadn't? Did he cringe? Did you cringe? It may have been something innocent, but it just came out wrong or misunderstood, and then you both didn't want to talk about it. It sounded innocent enough when you rehearsed it with your girls. However, their reaction was not even close to his reaction. Try to remember that men and women think differently.
You are not the first woman that has had to deal with this situation. You can learn a lesson from the countless others that have been in your shoes.
Men don't run from commitment; instead they run from a woman they don't want a commitment from. Men don't pull away from the relationship because you can animate a story that brings the house down. They withdraw when your stories starts to embarrass or belittle them. Men don't want their fears pointed out, whether or not you are joking. It's okay to be funny but certainly not at his expense.
Men see fears or insecurities in a completely different manner than women. When women see insecurities and fears in a man, she either wants to fix him or grab her keys and run for the door. When men see insecurities and fears in a woman, he starts calculating how long he can have sex with her before he calls it quits. When you tell him you don't want your current relationship to end like the previous relationship, he'll begin to think that you have learned nothing from it and feel the mistakes are doomed to repeat themselves. He wants your issues to be in order when you both sit down to the table.
Men and women tend date to have fun. Men want to have fun with someone that is easygoing and lively. He wants someone that is good on the inside and will project that good inside outside. Men want to date women that are sexy but they will commit to a woman that is emotionally grounded.
Learn how to conquer your insecurities and channel your fears so that you are in control of your life. There is a time and a place for everything. If you must talk about your fears and insecurities, present them using a positive perspective. Ensure the atmosphere is appropriate for the talk. You must also ensure the topic is appropriate for the conversation. When you tell talk about yourself, don't forget to include your growth progress. Let him know that you are aware of your flaws and are in control.
Be confident in knowing your shortcomings and be proactive in resolving them. Confidence is not something you can fake so it's important to have it. Better yourself and practice your swagger. Women who carry themselves like they can face anything intrigue men. In fact, for many men, it's quite a turn on.
By Teecee Go
Men in Relationships - 3 Truths That May Shock You
By A Aaron
When you think of men in relationships, do you tend to think that they really can't stand commitment, and would much rather keep their freedom? Do you think they tend to cheat? If you have these and other negative ideas about men in relationships, then you're probably having a hard time finding a healthy, loving relationship with a man.
But there are three truths about men in relationships that most women don't know or don't believe. Knowing these facts will actually help you open up to better relationships with guys. The opposite is also true -- not believing these truths will only make you miserable with time.
#1 - Men don't need to chase women to fall in love with them.
Many women have this misconception -- in order to make a guy fall in love with them, they have to play hard-to-get. The problem is that some women take this idea to the extremes, which is never a good idea. It's good not to fall for his flattery too easily, but it's never a good idea to be unappreciative whenever he gives you a gift, for instance.
You'll have to remember that while men like the chase, they don't NEED to chase. It's entirely possible for a guy to fall in love with you simply because you're you, so don't make it harder for him by playing unnecessary cat-and-mouse games.
#2 - Men feel emotions too.
Another unhealthy idea that many women have about men is that men are unfeeling critters who can't take a hint. You've probably been there before -- when you try to bring up a problem in the relationship, he seems to shrug it off as something trivial. And when you insist on talking about it, he says something like, "Why are you being so dramatic?"
It may be annoying, but it's simply a man's way of saying that he can't handle the intense situation you're putting him in. Pressing the issue will only make things worse, which brings us to the third shocking truth:
#3 - Men want to be in relationships.
You'll be surprised to know that most men are actually looking for that one woman they can settle down with for the long-term. And they're actually willing to commit to one woman -- but only as long as it's not hard for them.
This is perhaps the most important truth you'll need to realize when it comes to men in relationships -- the easier it is for him to feel attracted to you, the more likely he is to commit to you. Try to avoid the usual hang-ups that other women have with their men, such as nagging and bringing up problems. Instead, focus on creating a happy, healthy relationship for the two of you.
By A Aaron
When you think of men in relationships, do you tend to think that they really can't stand commitment, and would much rather keep their freedom? Do you think they tend to cheat? If you have these and other negative ideas about men in relationships, then you're probably having a hard time finding a healthy, loving relationship with a man.
But there are three truths about men in relationships that most women don't know or don't believe. Knowing these facts will actually help you open up to better relationships with guys. The opposite is also true -- not believing these truths will only make you miserable with time.
#1 - Men don't need to chase women to fall in love with them.
Many women have this misconception -- in order to make a guy fall in love with them, they have to play hard-to-get. The problem is that some women take this idea to the extremes, which is never a good idea. It's good not to fall for his flattery too easily, but it's never a good idea to be unappreciative whenever he gives you a gift, for instance.
You'll have to remember that while men like the chase, they don't NEED to chase. It's entirely possible for a guy to fall in love with you simply because you're you, so don't make it harder for him by playing unnecessary cat-and-mouse games.
#2 - Men feel emotions too.
Another unhealthy idea that many women have about men is that men are unfeeling critters who can't take a hint. You've probably been there before -- when you try to bring up a problem in the relationship, he seems to shrug it off as something trivial. And when you insist on talking about it, he says something like, "Why are you being so dramatic?"
It may be annoying, but it's simply a man's way of saying that he can't handle the intense situation you're putting him in. Pressing the issue will only make things worse, which brings us to the third shocking truth:
#3 - Men want to be in relationships.
You'll be surprised to know that most men are actually looking for that one woman they can settle down with for the long-term. And they're actually willing to commit to one woman -- but only as long as it's not hard for them.
This is perhaps the most important truth you'll need to realize when it comes to men in relationships -- the easier it is for him to feel attracted to you, the more likely he is to commit to you. Try to avoid the usual hang-ups that other women have with their men, such as nagging and bringing up problems. Instead, focus on creating a happy, healthy relationship for the two of you.
By A Aaron
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
5 Questions to Ask Your Unfaithful Spouse to Determine If There is a Future
By Edd Upperman
There is nothing quite as difficult to handle as finding out you have an unfaithful spouse. To think that you have put so much into a relationship and your partner has been cheating on you is devastating. As soon as you find out, there are some questions you will want to ask them to determine if there is a future ahead for the two of you.
1. Did you feel guilty? The first question you want to ask your unfaithful spouse is if they felt guilty after the first time. This will reveal the values of the person and how they really feel about you. Everyone is going to react different. Some feel so disgusted after the first time they end it immediately while others feel no guilt whatsoever. Find out how your spouse feels.
2. Did you talk about a future together? Find out if this was just an affair or if your partner has discussed a future with the other person. If they admit they have fallen in love with the other person and see a future with them, this can explain why it may have gone on for so long. If they say there was no future ever discussed, ask them why they did it in the first place.
3. What attracted you to the person? Although you may have an idea of what the person looks like or who it is, ask your partner what attracted them to the affair partner. Ask them to tell you why they provoked the affair, went through with it, and what they saw in the other person. Are these qualities different from the ones you possess?
4. Did you think about me at all? One of the toughest questions you will have to ask your unfaithful spouse is if they thought about you at all. Ask them if they thought about you before, during or after the affair happened. Although there are few positives that can come from a situation like this, it can be assuring to hear your spouse say they truthfully thought about you the entire time and feel extremely guilty.
5. Will you ever do it again? The final question you have to get the answers for is whether or not they will ever cheat again. Be firm and forceful to get the truth out of them. Ask them how they will prove to you they will never cheat again and why you should even trust them. It is difficult to remain with a partner after they have cheated, but it may be worth it if the two of you are still in love.
By Edd Upperman
There is nothing quite as difficult to handle as finding out you have an unfaithful spouse. To think that you have put so much into a relationship and your partner has been cheating on you is devastating. As soon as you find out, there are some questions you will want to ask them to determine if there is a future ahead for the two of you.
1. Did you feel guilty? The first question you want to ask your unfaithful spouse is if they felt guilty after the first time. This will reveal the values of the person and how they really feel about you. Everyone is going to react different. Some feel so disgusted after the first time they end it immediately while others feel no guilt whatsoever. Find out how your spouse feels.
2. Did you talk about a future together? Find out if this was just an affair or if your partner has discussed a future with the other person. If they admit they have fallen in love with the other person and see a future with them, this can explain why it may have gone on for so long. If they say there was no future ever discussed, ask them why they did it in the first place.
3. What attracted you to the person? Although you may have an idea of what the person looks like or who it is, ask your partner what attracted them to the affair partner. Ask them to tell you why they provoked the affair, went through with it, and what they saw in the other person. Are these qualities different from the ones you possess?
4. Did you think about me at all? One of the toughest questions you will have to ask your unfaithful spouse is if they thought about you at all. Ask them if they thought about you before, during or after the affair happened. Although there are few positives that can come from a situation like this, it can be assuring to hear your spouse say they truthfully thought about you the entire time and feel extremely guilty.
5. Will you ever do it again? The final question you have to get the answers for is whether or not they will ever cheat again. Be firm and forceful to get the truth out of them. Ask them how they will prove to you they will never cheat again and why you should even trust them. It is difficult to remain with a partner after they have cheated, but it may be worth it if the two of you are still in love.
By Edd Upperman
12 Clues of Infidelity - How to Catch a Cheating Husband
By K. T. Ramons
A cheating husband will always leave some signs of infidelity. What it takes to catch him red-handed is to know where to look for the clues. It is not difficult to detect the signs of infidelity. These are 12 little things you need to observe in order to stop his extramarital affair at an early stage.
1. His opinion about cheating spouses has recently changed. 2. He has been getting to work earlier than usual. 3. When you are nearby, he always tries to hide the computer screen. 4. Unfamiliar ID's have recently appeared in his instant messenger. 5. He has stopped saying "I love you" and forgot your birthday or your anniversary. 6. He has started using curse language more often. 7. Your past mistakes that have been forgotten and forgiven are brought up again. 8. He has become more possessive of his personal belongings like his cell phone or his wallet. 9. He has been buying new clothes, using new cologne, and spending more time grooming in front of the mirror. 10. You found extra clothes in his car. 11. He has been encouraging you to visit your mom and dad or your friends without him. 12. All of a sudden, he oddly remembered that he left something at the office and had to hurry back to get it. If this situation happened again and again, don't you think it is unusual?
What do you think is the most obvious sign? Your gut feeling--this is probably the best indicator. A woman's intuition is something nobody can underestimate. Listen to your inner voice. If you detect that something is wrong, heighten your degree of alertness and start actively looking for signs of a cheating husband.
By K. t. Ramons
A cheating husband will always leave some signs of infidelity. What it takes to catch him red-handed is to know where to look for the clues. It is not difficult to detect the signs of infidelity. These are 12 little things you need to observe in order to stop his extramarital affair at an early stage.
1. His opinion about cheating spouses has recently changed. 2. He has been getting to work earlier than usual. 3. When you are nearby, he always tries to hide the computer screen. 4. Unfamiliar ID's have recently appeared in his instant messenger. 5. He has stopped saying "I love you" and forgot your birthday or your anniversary. 6. He has started using curse language more often. 7. Your past mistakes that have been forgotten and forgiven are brought up again. 8. He has become more possessive of his personal belongings like his cell phone or his wallet. 9. He has been buying new clothes, using new cologne, and spending more time grooming in front of the mirror. 10. You found extra clothes in his car. 11. He has been encouraging you to visit your mom and dad or your friends without him. 12. All of a sudden, he oddly remembered that he left something at the office and had to hurry back to get it. If this situation happened again and again, don't you think it is unusual?
What do you think is the most obvious sign? Your gut feeling--this is probably the best indicator. A woman's intuition is something nobody can underestimate. Listen to your inner voice. If you detect that something is wrong, heighten your degree of alertness and start actively looking for signs of a cheating husband.
By K. t. Ramons
Catch a Cheating Spouse - Confirm Your Suspicions of Their Secret Double Life
By David Leonard Houde
To catch a cheating spouse, you first must know what to look for. Sometimes a cheater will do everything to protect their secret double life. Fortunately, the signs of a cheater are easy to detect and spot. They might think they have the wool over your eyes, but that is far from the truth! Here are some great pointers that can help uncover their love affair.
Your spouse calls you to tell you, yet again, they are staying at work late. This might just be a cover for their secret love affair, and it might be time to bring your poor over-worked spouse a late night snack! They might also have an out of town business trip to take. It might be they leave extra early for work as well. Whatever the case, you probably want to dig deeper.
Changes to appearance can be another sign of a cheating spouse. To gain the affection of a new flame sometimes takes a bit of showing off. If they want to impress this new lover, changing their appearance - clothing, hair style, cologne/perfume - might be in order. Sudden changes usually are the sign of life changes. Find out more about why they suddenly are wearing something, that six months earlier, they would not be caught dead wearing.
Depending on the depth of this new relationship, the intimacy you both have could be very lacking. If sex is the center of the affair, they probably will come up with all sorts of excuses why you two cannot take a "roll in the hay". They will appear distant, there will be less conversation, and they probably will be daydreaming more. Unless you can pin this lack of desire to something specific, it might mean there is more to it.
Are you tired of not knowing what is going on? If you suspect there is something going on, it probably is ripping you apart. You want to be sure though.
By David Leonard Houde
To catch a cheating spouse, you first must know what to look for. Sometimes a cheater will do everything to protect their secret double life. Fortunately, the signs of a cheater are easy to detect and spot. They might think they have the wool over your eyes, but that is far from the truth! Here are some great pointers that can help uncover their love affair.
Your spouse calls you to tell you, yet again, they are staying at work late. This might just be a cover for their secret love affair, and it might be time to bring your poor over-worked spouse a late night snack! They might also have an out of town business trip to take. It might be they leave extra early for work as well. Whatever the case, you probably want to dig deeper.
Changes to appearance can be another sign of a cheating spouse. To gain the affection of a new flame sometimes takes a bit of showing off. If they want to impress this new lover, changing their appearance - clothing, hair style, cologne/perfume - might be in order. Sudden changes usually are the sign of life changes. Find out more about why they suddenly are wearing something, that six months earlier, they would not be caught dead wearing.
Depending on the depth of this new relationship, the intimacy you both have could be very lacking. If sex is the center of the affair, they probably will come up with all sorts of excuses why you two cannot take a "roll in the hay". They will appear distant, there will be less conversation, and they probably will be daydreaming more. Unless you can pin this lack of desire to something specific, it might mean there is more to it.
Are you tired of not knowing what is going on? If you suspect there is something going on, it probably is ripping you apart. You want to be sure though.
By David Leonard Houde
Monday, July 27, 2009
Love Triggers - Know What Make men Tick
By Tina L. Jones
What are the most powerful love triggers in the dating game? What makes men tick? Is it possible to develop a personality that any man would love? It's entirely possible to become a woman that men would love to spend time with, but you'll need to keep these love triggers in mind before you can take the first step.
#1 - Have a great personality.
Having good looks is okay, since it grabs attention and opens the door for men to walk up and talk to you. But to capitalize on the situation, you'll need a great personality. Too many good-looking women turn men off simply because they don't know how to talk about anything besides themselves.
Try to be funny, confident, and independent. Learn to talk about bigger things in life, such as current events, his situation, and your own dreams. Men love women who can carry a great conversation, and would love to take such women out on dates often.
#2 - Don't just talk to anyone.
When you walk into the dating game, it's a good idea to know the kinds of men you like to meet. Don't be like most women who'd date just about anyone, hoping they'll get lucky and find someone who's also desperate for a relationship.
Decide who you want to meet. Do you like smart men? Good-looking men? Businessmen? A woman who's selective with the men she dates is very attractive, and is a definite love trigger.
#3 - Don't rush into a relationship.
The third love trigger is a woman who takes her time to develop a more solid emotional foundation for the relationship. Too many women rush into relationships, which give them the unflattering image of being needy and dependent. Be the opposite of this, and men will definitely notice you
By Tina L. Jones
What are the most powerful love triggers in the dating game? What makes men tick? Is it possible to develop a personality that any man would love? It's entirely possible to become a woman that men would love to spend time with, but you'll need to keep these love triggers in mind before you can take the first step.
#1 - Have a great personality.
Having good looks is okay, since it grabs attention and opens the door for men to walk up and talk to you. But to capitalize on the situation, you'll need a great personality. Too many good-looking women turn men off simply because they don't know how to talk about anything besides themselves.
Try to be funny, confident, and independent. Learn to talk about bigger things in life, such as current events, his situation, and your own dreams. Men love women who can carry a great conversation, and would love to take such women out on dates often.
#2 - Don't just talk to anyone.
When you walk into the dating game, it's a good idea to know the kinds of men you like to meet. Don't be like most women who'd date just about anyone, hoping they'll get lucky and find someone who's also desperate for a relationship.
Decide who you want to meet. Do you like smart men? Good-looking men? Businessmen? A woman who's selective with the men she dates is very attractive, and is a definite love trigger.
#3 - Don't rush into a relationship.
The third love trigger is a woman who takes her time to develop a more solid emotional foundation for the relationship. Too many women rush into relationships, which give them the unflattering image of being needy and dependent. Be the opposite of this, and men will definitely notice you
By Tina L. Jones
Signs Men Give When They Are in Love - Is Your Man Showing Any of These Signs?
By Michael Lee
There are certain signs men give when they are in love. Unfortunately, most women remain unaware of them, because they are used to certain stereotypical gestures of affection. Not all men can be like your favorite television hunk. It's better to understand the kind of person your man is before jumping into conclusions.
By looking at the following signs men give when they are in love, you will be able to determine just how deep your man's feelings go for you.
1) Trinkets galore
Men who are in love like to shower their woman with gifts. Some guys like to be generous whenever they can to keep you happy. And even though he has already given you a lot of presents, he expects you to cherish every single one of them.
2) Jealousy, jealousy
One of the rather negative signs men give when they are in love is that they become jealous easily. Even if you're just talking to Dave, the harmless copy machine guy, he will see red.
A lot of women find this trait unreasonable, but look at it from his point of view. Your guy just doesn't want to lose you, and other men who try to get close to you pose a possible threat to your relationship.
3) Meeting the family
When a man brings up the subject of introducing you to his family, you can be sure that he is in love with you.
Men don't often introduce their girlfriends to their parents unless the relationship is getting serious. After all, he only wants to bring the best home for ma or for pa. This is also a big step for your relationship.
4) Making the time
One of the obvious signs men give when they are in love is when they make the time to be there for you. Whether it's for a shopping trip to the mall or just plain hanging out at home, a guy who loves you will definitely be there.
When you break this behavior down, it simply means that your guy wants to spend more time with you because you make him happy. Never mind that he doesn't like shopping or that he knows you two will only be watching a chick flick on DVD. If he loves you, he'll be there.
5) Saying "I love you"
And finally, a guy who says "I love you" sincerely really is in love with you. These words are magical for men. They won't say it so easily because saying it binds them to a relationship even when they're not ready yet.
So when a guy finally whispers these three sweet words, you know you two are in for the long haul.
These are just some of the signs men give when they are in love. Depending on the kind of guy you're man is; he might express one or even all of the signs above. And when he does, don't forget to express your love right back.
By Michael Lee
There are certain signs men give when they are in love. Unfortunately, most women remain unaware of them, because they are used to certain stereotypical gestures of affection. Not all men can be like your favorite television hunk. It's better to understand the kind of person your man is before jumping into conclusions.
By looking at the following signs men give when they are in love, you will be able to determine just how deep your man's feelings go for you.
1) Trinkets galore
Men who are in love like to shower their woman with gifts. Some guys like to be generous whenever they can to keep you happy. And even though he has already given you a lot of presents, he expects you to cherish every single one of them.
2) Jealousy, jealousy
One of the rather negative signs men give when they are in love is that they become jealous easily. Even if you're just talking to Dave, the harmless copy machine guy, he will see red.
A lot of women find this trait unreasonable, but look at it from his point of view. Your guy just doesn't want to lose you, and other men who try to get close to you pose a possible threat to your relationship.
3) Meeting the family
When a man brings up the subject of introducing you to his family, you can be sure that he is in love with you.
Men don't often introduce their girlfriends to their parents unless the relationship is getting serious. After all, he only wants to bring the best home for ma or for pa. This is also a big step for your relationship.
4) Making the time
One of the obvious signs men give when they are in love is when they make the time to be there for you. Whether it's for a shopping trip to the mall or just plain hanging out at home, a guy who loves you will definitely be there.
When you break this behavior down, it simply means that your guy wants to spend more time with you because you make him happy. Never mind that he doesn't like shopping or that he knows you two will only be watching a chick flick on DVD. If he loves you, he'll be there.
5) Saying "I love you"
And finally, a guy who says "I love you" sincerely really is in love with you. These words are magical for men. They won't say it so easily because saying it binds them to a relationship even when they're not ready yet.
So when a guy finally whispers these three sweet words, you know you two are in for the long haul.
These are just some of the signs men give when they are in love. Depending on the kind of guy you're man is; he might express one or even all of the signs above. And when he does, don't forget to express your love right back.
By Michael Lee
How to Please a Man and Make Him Love You More
By Michael Lee
It has been commonly thought that pleasing a man would require tons of research, experience, and a lot of other factors that you need to be good at. Well, you can take it easy. Just like any other skill; the more you do it, the more you become better at it; however, there are views on how to please a man that are much different now.
Knowing Yourself
When you ask how to please a man, you are asking for ways to become more seductive - to connect and bond more with your partner. To be able to romance a man, you'll need to know yourself from top to bottom.
That is, who you are as a woman. What are your qualities and traits that might be seductive to the man you want to please? Asking yourself such edifying points and answering them in your mind assertively will lead the difference in the type of romance you are looking for at the moment.
Trust me, there is a difference between a good candidate for eternal loyalty and a candidate that will be your best bet for Mr. Right Now for a weekend night at the club.
If you know who you really are, you become more capable of your abilities as a person. You know what you are good at, what you can do and what things you can improve at.
If you want to know how to please a man, you would want to be the best person you are as much as possible; and that state could only be achieved if you know who you are.
Knowing What You're Good At
Know what you are good at in a relationship. If you've never been in a relationship back in the days of high school or college, weekends friendships could be a great instant source of answers for knowing what you're truly good at.
Getting honest feedback from your fellow man in such case would require you to loosen up and decrease your ego. Traditionally when you ask in an honest and gentle way, you should get answers.
Romance And Sex
Sex is quite a different issue. A lot of people would take this wrong since most people would think that a couple would only achieve intimacy through sex. While sex could help improve your relationship with your man, there is much more that you should focus on.
When it comes to learning how to please a man, it isn't all about sex. In fact, if you ask most people including married couples, you'll often get the response that romance starts before sexual intimacy. The details, the form of communication, and how you handle yourself are a starting line-up for successful beginnings on how to please a man.
By Michael Lee
It has been commonly thought that pleasing a man would require tons of research, experience, and a lot of other factors that you need to be good at. Well, you can take it easy. Just like any other skill; the more you do it, the more you become better at it; however, there are views on how to please a man that are much different now.
Knowing Yourself
When you ask how to please a man, you are asking for ways to become more seductive - to connect and bond more with your partner. To be able to romance a man, you'll need to know yourself from top to bottom.
That is, who you are as a woman. What are your qualities and traits that might be seductive to the man you want to please? Asking yourself such edifying points and answering them in your mind assertively will lead the difference in the type of romance you are looking for at the moment.
Trust me, there is a difference between a good candidate for eternal loyalty and a candidate that will be your best bet for Mr. Right Now for a weekend night at the club.
If you know who you really are, you become more capable of your abilities as a person. You know what you are good at, what you can do and what things you can improve at.
If you want to know how to please a man, you would want to be the best person you are as much as possible; and that state could only be achieved if you know who you are.
Knowing What You're Good At
Know what you are good at in a relationship. If you've never been in a relationship back in the days of high school or college, weekends friendships could be a great instant source of answers for knowing what you're truly good at.
Getting honest feedback from your fellow man in such case would require you to loosen up and decrease your ego. Traditionally when you ask in an honest and gentle way, you should get answers.
Romance And Sex
Sex is quite a different issue. A lot of people would take this wrong since most people would think that a couple would only achieve intimacy through sex. While sex could help improve your relationship with your man, there is much more that you should focus on.
When it comes to learning how to please a man, it isn't all about sex. In fact, if you ask most people including married couples, you'll often get the response that romance starts before sexual intimacy. The details, the form of communication, and how you handle yourself are a starting line-up for successful beginnings on how to please a man.
By Michael Lee
Friday, July 24, 2009
Three Things Almost All Women Love in Bed by Ryan Harten
Becoming a better lover is all about giving women what they desire in bed. Many 'sexperts' will tell you the best way of satisfying a woman in bed is simply to ASK her what she wants. I do not disagree with this. However, there are going to be things that your girl leaves out. These are going to be things she is either a little embarrassed about, or she is trying to spare your feelings (ie. "I wish you could last longer than 30 seconds"). Well, here are some of those deep secrets. Read on.
1. Dirty Talk
Few women admit they like this, but my experience has taught me that MOST love it in bed.
The thing about dirty talk is that you need to start off very slow and gradually build upon what you say. No woman is going to appreciate you dishing out a bunch or dirty words without being 'warmed up' first.
Just start small, and build upon what you say while watching her reactions.
2. Get Rough
You must understand that most women do not want to 'make love' every single time they have sex. In other words, they do not want all that cute compassion, gentleness, and innocent eye contact.
Women are humans just like us. They have sexual urges which they want satisfied. And the best way to satisfy these urges is by giving her some passionate, rough sex.
Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love and respect women. But my experience has shown me that women LOVE to be dominated during sex. There is something so raw and sexually gratifying for a woman to be dominated during sex.
Don't be afraid to get a little rough with her. She will usually end up escalating it herself.
3. Oral Sex
There seems to be a lot of men who hate giving women oral sex. I really don't understand this. And neither do the women!
There are women who get more excited for the oral sex MORE than the actual sex. So give her what she wants, bro!
And One Last thing...
If you want to become the man of choice for ANY woman in bed, you MUST learn to stack her orgasms. With just a LITTLE effort you can gain the power to give women multiple mind blowing orgasms ...and in my experience, the rewards are worth their weight in orgasmic gold for the both of you!
By Ryan Harten
1. Dirty Talk
Few women admit they like this, but my experience has taught me that MOST love it in bed.
The thing about dirty talk is that you need to start off very slow and gradually build upon what you say. No woman is going to appreciate you dishing out a bunch or dirty words without being 'warmed up' first.
Just start small, and build upon what you say while watching her reactions.
2. Get Rough
You must understand that most women do not want to 'make love' every single time they have sex. In other words, they do not want all that cute compassion, gentleness, and innocent eye contact.
Women are humans just like us. They have sexual urges which they want satisfied. And the best way to satisfy these urges is by giving her some passionate, rough sex.
Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love and respect women. But my experience has shown me that women LOVE to be dominated during sex. There is something so raw and sexually gratifying for a woman to be dominated during sex.
Don't be afraid to get a little rough with her. She will usually end up escalating it herself.
3. Oral Sex
There seems to be a lot of men who hate giving women oral sex. I really don't understand this. And neither do the women!
There are women who get more excited for the oral sex MORE than the actual sex. So give her what she wants, bro!
And One Last thing...
If you want to become the man of choice for ANY woman in bed, you MUST learn to stack her orgasms. With just a LITTLE effort you can gain the power to give women multiple mind blowing orgasms ...and in my experience, the rewards are worth their weight in orgasmic gold for the both of you!
By Ryan Harten
Exploring Sexual Fantasies by Matt D Fuller
Those with strong sexual fantasies are likely to already be enjoying regular sexual gratification according to human sexual conduct experts. Further research indicated that fantasies relating to sex are connected with high levels of libido combined with those (women) who are susceptible to frequent sexual climax.
Women who experience high levels of orgasm are fueled by their ability to climax every time they are sexually engaged. Not all women experience climax when sexually aroused, but those who do will often fantasize about raising their orgasmic potentiality.
Women who fantasize during sex are also more likely to achieve climax. Combining ones imagination whilst having sex is said to be one answer to achieving orgasm. Common advice used by sex counselors for women who have difficulty reaching climax is to let their imagination play a role whilst having sex with their partner.
It is common for both men and women to fantasize about being with other people during sex. don't feel ashamed if you are making love with your husband or wife and are fantasizing about being enraptured by Gwyneth Paltrow or George Clooney. Modern research points out that women are just as likely to have sexual fantasies during sex with their partners as men are.
What does this indicate with regards to the relationship when fantasies are commonly used during sex? It is very normal for couples to explore new means of achieving stimulation, to add zest to love making. Fantasizing during sex can be just the tonic a relationship needs to take her over the edge. Our mind is the most powerful tool we possess.
Women tend to fantasize about the one person during sex , whilst men tend to fantasize about a variety of sexual partners or several at once - As if we didn't already know this. Common fantasies men experience usually involve distinct acts involving specific body parts, whilst women's fantasies are less graphic and can involve having risky sex at the office or in public, for example.
Do fantasies always involve the physical act of sex with each other? Some couples explore other options to spice things up and will engage the services of online dating singles sites ,adult dating sites or personal ads to involve a third person or couple. The most popular scenario is to seek out a female companion. One of the most common fantasies for females is to experience a same sex liaison. Some specifically targeted online dating singles sites or swingers dating sites include profiles of singles or couples who are looking for other couples for encounters.
If you plan to involve a third person or couple, be certain your relationship has the ability to remove any emotional attachment from such an arrangement. If you are both uncertain, best to stay away from this and stick to Gwyneth and George
By Matt D Fuller
Women who experience high levels of orgasm are fueled by their ability to climax every time they are sexually engaged. Not all women experience climax when sexually aroused, but those who do will often fantasize about raising their orgasmic potentiality.
Women who fantasize during sex are also more likely to achieve climax. Combining ones imagination whilst having sex is said to be one answer to achieving orgasm. Common advice used by sex counselors for women who have difficulty reaching climax is to let their imagination play a role whilst having sex with their partner.
It is common for both men and women to fantasize about being with other people during sex. don't feel ashamed if you are making love with your husband or wife and are fantasizing about being enraptured by Gwyneth Paltrow or George Clooney. Modern research points out that women are just as likely to have sexual fantasies during sex with their partners as men are.
What does this indicate with regards to the relationship when fantasies are commonly used during sex? It is very normal for couples to explore new means of achieving stimulation, to add zest to love making. Fantasizing during sex can be just the tonic a relationship needs to take her over the edge. Our mind is the most powerful tool we possess.
Women tend to fantasize about the one person during sex , whilst men tend to fantasize about a variety of sexual partners or several at once - As if we didn't already know this. Common fantasies men experience usually involve distinct acts involving specific body parts, whilst women's fantasies are less graphic and can involve having risky sex at the office or in public, for example.
Do fantasies always involve the physical act of sex with each other? Some couples explore other options to spice things up and will engage the services of online dating singles sites ,adult dating sites or personal ads to involve a third person or couple. The most popular scenario is to seek out a female companion. One of the most common fantasies for females is to experience a same sex liaison. Some specifically targeted online dating singles sites or swingers dating sites include profiles of singles or couples who are looking for other couples for encounters.
If you plan to involve a third person or couple, be certain your relationship has the ability to remove any emotional attachment from such an arrangement. If you are both uncertain, best to stay away from this and stick to Gwyneth and George
By Matt D Fuller
Monday, July 20, 2009
12 Elegant Bridal Hairstyles For Weddings
By Jacqueline Lajoie
Dallas is known for its class, affluence, and style around the world. Many brides living in Texas decide to get married in Dallas proper for its reception facilities such as the Dallas Museum of Art, The Nasher, Merchanson, and other large and elegant buildings with the ability to host 100s of people.
Just like for all brides, when the big day is approaching, of course there is so much to remember and so much to do to prepare for it-to make sure your wedding day is as perfect as possible. Since all eyes will be on you as the bride, it is only natural to be stressed out over your gown, your makeup, jewelry, and your hair. It will all come together with time and planning, so try to relax. That said, let's take a look at some of the more elegant bridal hairstyles popular in Dallas you can choose from to help you complete the perfect look and shine on your wedding day as the beautiful bride you were meant to be. Whether you have short or long hair, there are a variety of options you can use for bridal hairstyles for your wedding in Dallas.
1. Upsweep: One of the most common ways to style your wedding hair is to choose an upsweep of hair. While this particular hairstyle can refer to a variety of different styles, for our purposes, it is the simple upsweeping of hair at the base of the neck. This is a very elegant style in its simplicity and grace, and can be accented with either delicate or demonstrative hair combs. Moreover, it can be as loose or tight as you prefer.
2. Down: Though often overlooked as a style, wearing your short to long hair down can prove quite elegant, despite the informality usually attached to it. There are a variety of things a woman can do with her hair if left down-curled, waved, or left straight. Whichever you choose, make sure your hair is well groomed so that the beauty of your hair can be accentuated while down.
3. Half up: Half up is another popular choice for brides to be, as it shows off the face, while leaving some hair down for femininity. Your hair can be swept from both sides evenly and secured with a barrette or other decorative bauble, or affixed on the side of your head. In either event, it is a beautiful way to combine two different hairstyles in one delicate wedding hairstyle..
4. Braided: Whether you choose one simple braid, a French braid, or still smaller braids entwined in your hair-all of them are elegant choices for a wedding day hairstyle.
5. Bun: Though seemingly simple, a bun at the nape of your neck or back of your head can add a beautiful and sophisticated elegance to any type of gown and jewelry you choose, and makes for an easy to maintain wedding hairstyle.
6. French Twist: A fresh twist is a bit dressier than a bun and less simple, but still demonstrates a simple classic hairstyle for any wedding day.
7. Curled: Perhaps you would like to add curls to your hair or define the ones you already have. Whichever you choose, soft wavy curls can add a romantic look to any wedding gown and bride.
8. Straight: If you are looking for a sleeker look-and you have curly hair, you should try the sophisticated elegance of straightening your hair.
9. Ringlets: A very popular choice for many brides-whether they opt to wear their hair up or down, if they have short or long hair is to have ringlets put in. As long as the ringlets are soft and not tight, the look is very romantic and old fashioned.
10. Beading: Once you have decided upon the style for your wedding day hair, you may want to consider beading to intersperse and accent it.
11. Ribbons/headbands: Another option for both formal and more informal looks are weaving and tying ribbons and headbands into your hair for a subtle accent.
12. Flowers: Many brides choose to accent their upsweeps and half up hairstyles with both real and faux flowers. The flowers add a romantic and earthy accent to any wedding gown, and are suited best to outdoor weddings that are less formal.
By Jacqueline Lajoie
Dallas is known for its class, affluence, and style around the world. Many brides living in Texas decide to get married in Dallas proper for its reception facilities such as the Dallas Museum of Art, The Nasher, Merchanson, and other large and elegant buildings with the ability to host 100s of people.
Just like for all brides, when the big day is approaching, of course there is so much to remember and so much to do to prepare for it-to make sure your wedding day is as perfect as possible. Since all eyes will be on you as the bride, it is only natural to be stressed out over your gown, your makeup, jewelry, and your hair. It will all come together with time and planning, so try to relax. That said, let's take a look at some of the more elegant bridal hairstyles popular in Dallas you can choose from to help you complete the perfect look and shine on your wedding day as the beautiful bride you were meant to be. Whether you have short or long hair, there are a variety of options you can use for bridal hairstyles for your wedding in Dallas.
1. Upsweep: One of the most common ways to style your wedding hair is to choose an upsweep of hair. While this particular hairstyle can refer to a variety of different styles, for our purposes, it is the simple upsweeping of hair at the base of the neck. This is a very elegant style in its simplicity and grace, and can be accented with either delicate or demonstrative hair combs. Moreover, it can be as loose or tight as you prefer.
2. Down: Though often overlooked as a style, wearing your short to long hair down can prove quite elegant, despite the informality usually attached to it. There are a variety of things a woman can do with her hair if left down-curled, waved, or left straight. Whichever you choose, make sure your hair is well groomed so that the beauty of your hair can be accentuated while down.
3. Half up: Half up is another popular choice for brides to be, as it shows off the face, while leaving some hair down for femininity. Your hair can be swept from both sides evenly and secured with a barrette or other decorative bauble, or affixed on the side of your head. In either event, it is a beautiful way to combine two different hairstyles in one delicate wedding hairstyle..
4. Braided: Whether you choose one simple braid, a French braid, or still smaller braids entwined in your hair-all of them are elegant choices for a wedding day hairstyle.
5. Bun: Though seemingly simple, a bun at the nape of your neck or back of your head can add a beautiful and sophisticated elegance to any type of gown and jewelry you choose, and makes for an easy to maintain wedding hairstyle.
6. French Twist: A fresh twist is a bit dressier than a bun and less simple, but still demonstrates a simple classic hairstyle for any wedding day.
7. Curled: Perhaps you would like to add curls to your hair or define the ones you already have. Whichever you choose, soft wavy curls can add a romantic look to any wedding gown and bride.
8. Straight: If you are looking for a sleeker look-and you have curly hair, you should try the sophisticated elegance of straightening your hair.
9. Ringlets: A very popular choice for many brides-whether they opt to wear their hair up or down, if they have short or long hair is to have ringlets put in. As long as the ringlets are soft and not tight, the look is very romantic and old fashioned.
10. Beading: Once you have decided upon the style for your wedding day hair, you may want to consider beading to intersperse and accent it.
11. Ribbons/headbands: Another option for both formal and more informal looks are weaving and tying ribbons and headbands into your hair for a subtle accent.
12. Flowers: Many brides choose to accent their upsweeps and half up hairstyles with both real and faux flowers. The flowers add a romantic and earthy accent to any wedding gown, and are suited best to outdoor weddings that are less formal.
By Jacqueline Lajoie
Getting Married - Want to Or Have To?
By Daryl Campbell
If you are not careful you would get the funny idea that the entire country of Japan has gone konkatsu crazy. That is a term coined by writer Touko Shirakawa meaning that waiting for that special someone to come along and sweep you off your feet is not going to get it done. It requires konkatsu ; also known as marriage hunting.
Needless to say many in Japan took it to heart. As Akiko Fujita of Voice of America writes, "The term "konkatsu" has become so popular there is even a television drama named after it."
That word has also been a jackpot to the matchmaking industry which has been doing big business since the release of the book co-authored by Shirakawa: Marriage Hunting Era.
The timing as far as the Japanese government was concerned could not have been better. More people were staying single well into their late thirties. In fact the number has tripled since the nineteen eighties. That was not good news for a country with an already dwindling population.
It may not be a national craze in other parts of the world but many people can probably relate. There is a certain pressure about getting married which can come from external sources like family constantly asking when are you going to tie the knot.
Or the pressure may come from you. You see some of your long time friends getting engaged and while you are happy for them, there is that voice somewhere inside of you asking when is it going to be your turn.
Whether you subscribe to the romantic school of meeting your soul mate and living ever happily or not is a moot point. What is the issue is exactly why you want to get married. Is it:
1. Clocks
Are you telling yourself time is running out? That if you do not get married and soon then it will be too late? That's a lot of undue pressure to put on yourself.
It can also lead you down the path of settling for someone you know in your heart that you have no business being with. Another thing to keep in mind is what happens if you meet someone special after the deadline?
2. On The Bandwagon
A lot of people in Japan are getting in on the marriage hunting craze. It's not hard to guess that there are more than a few who are doing it because it seems like everyone else is doing it. No surprise there. We humans like to be a part of something.
You might be going thru a form of konkatsu on a smaller scale; namely everyone you know is getting married. Even people you have known for eons who swore they would uphold the honor of singlehood are now taking the plunge. Not being a part of something can make you that much more anxious to join the crowd.
3. Loneliness
Irregardless of whether your friends, family or coworkers are getting married, you are just tired of being by yourself. To some degree you may have relished it before. Going where you want and when you want with no one to answer too.
It was great; for awhile anyway. Now all the things you used to enjoy don't mean much unless you have someone to enjoy them with.
All the things listed are in no way trivial. They hold real meaning and carry a lot of weight to each individual. There's nothing wrong with that. But the point is that none of these reasons should be the driving force in the desire to get married.
No doubt the marriage hunting craze in Japan brings with it a lot of fun and excitement. But it's a good bet that many are feeling the strain
By Daryl Campbell
If you are not careful you would get the funny idea that the entire country of Japan has gone konkatsu crazy. That is a term coined by writer Touko Shirakawa meaning that waiting for that special someone to come along and sweep you off your feet is not going to get it done. It requires konkatsu ; also known as marriage hunting.
Needless to say many in Japan took it to heart. As Akiko Fujita of Voice of America writes, "The term "konkatsu" has become so popular there is even a television drama named after it."
That word has also been a jackpot to the matchmaking industry which has been doing big business since the release of the book co-authored by Shirakawa: Marriage Hunting Era.
The timing as far as the Japanese government was concerned could not have been better. More people were staying single well into their late thirties. In fact the number has tripled since the nineteen eighties. That was not good news for a country with an already dwindling population.
It may not be a national craze in other parts of the world but many people can probably relate. There is a certain pressure about getting married which can come from external sources like family constantly asking when are you going to tie the knot.
Or the pressure may come from you. You see some of your long time friends getting engaged and while you are happy for them, there is that voice somewhere inside of you asking when is it going to be your turn.
Whether you subscribe to the romantic school of meeting your soul mate and living ever happily or not is a moot point. What is the issue is exactly why you want to get married. Is it:
1. Clocks
Are you telling yourself time is running out? That if you do not get married and soon then it will be too late? That's a lot of undue pressure to put on yourself.
It can also lead you down the path of settling for someone you know in your heart that you have no business being with. Another thing to keep in mind is what happens if you meet someone special after the deadline?
2. On The Bandwagon
A lot of people in Japan are getting in on the marriage hunting craze. It's not hard to guess that there are more than a few who are doing it because it seems like everyone else is doing it. No surprise there. We humans like to be a part of something.
You might be going thru a form of konkatsu on a smaller scale; namely everyone you know is getting married. Even people you have known for eons who swore they would uphold the honor of singlehood are now taking the plunge. Not being a part of something can make you that much more anxious to join the crowd.
3. Loneliness
Irregardless of whether your friends, family or coworkers are getting married, you are just tired of being by yourself. To some degree you may have relished it before. Going where you want and when you want with no one to answer too.
It was great; for awhile anyway. Now all the things you used to enjoy don't mean much unless you have someone to enjoy them with.
All the things listed are in no way trivial. They hold real meaning and carry a lot of weight to each individual. There's nothing wrong with that. But the point is that none of these reasons should be the driving force in the desire to get married.
No doubt the marriage hunting craze in Japan brings with it a lot of fun and excitement. But it's a good bet that many are feeling the strain
By Daryl Campbell
Why Should You Hire a Wedding Planner?
By Jud Yaski
So you've gotten engaged and now you're thinking of planning a grand marriage ceremony. But the question is, are you really capable of planning your big day as you've imagined it? If you really want the wedding of your dreams, shouldn't you leave it to the experts?
Yes, there are experts in the field. They're known as wedding planners. Most couples in this day and age have careers to focus on and don't have the time to plan their big day, not to mention the stress and time that is involved in planning one. Does that mean they shouldn't experience the joy of exchanging vows? No, all they have to do is hire a wedding planner to take care of everything. Most people assume that they charge exorbitant fees, but that's not true. Hiring a planner can be within your budget and they may be able to save you more money than if you planned a wedding on your own.
It is important to realize that a poorly organized wedding can be embarrassing and tacky and will be visible for all your closest friends and family to see. So, there's no point in "trying to pull it off" to see if you can plan something on your own. It's arguably the most important day in your whole life, and it's better to get it done right. Planning should be a happy and exciting affair for a couple to experience.
A Wedding Planner will leave all the exciting decisions to the couple and take care of the worrisome details that allow your special day to go smoothly. A seasoned wedding planner will have gained valuable resources over the years to get you the best discounts and offers that lay people just don't have access to. Often their fee is made up by the money savings not only in better pricing, but also in arranging the lowest cost load in times for rental companies, negotiating for load in/out times with the venue, and much more.
It is the wedding planner's responsibility to guide the couple into make the right decisions when it comes to finding a dress, theme, menu, invitations, decorations, etc. If they allow the couple to freely choose what they want and in the end it all doesn't gel together, the event will end up looking like a circus. It is the wedding planner's responsibility to make sure that every decision for the big day has the theme and the budget in mind to fulfill a tasteful and appealing wedding.
Some have made the mistake of sticking to only one color throughout the whole event which can make it appear gaudy and monotonous. Having the right dash of color and coordinating with one or two other colors to make the theme flow evenly will help create a visually appealing atmosphere. Other tasks taken care of by the consultant can include managing the seating chart to fit all your guests in, ordering the catering, chairs, seat covers, table arrangements, flowers and much more.
Before hiring someone, ask if you can see pictures of past weddings that they have organized. Also ask about payment methods they accept and what percentage of the total cost they will charge as their fee. Let your consultant know your budget from the very beginning. No marriage should start off with a mounting debt, so emphasis on sticking to the budget is important. Avoid the added stress and start from the beginning in the right direction by hiring a Wedding Planner in the San Francisco Bay Area.
By Jud Yaski
So you've gotten engaged and now you're thinking of planning a grand marriage ceremony. But the question is, are you really capable of planning your big day as you've imagined it? If you really want the wedding of your dreams, shouldn't you leave it to the experts?
Yes, there are experts in the field. They're known as wedding planners. Most couples in this day and age have careers to focus on and don't have the time to plan their big day, not to mention the stress and time that is involved in planning one. Does that mean they shouldn't experience the joy of exchanging vows? No, all they have to do is hire a wedding planner to take care of everything. Most people assume that they charge exorbitant fees, but that's not true. Hiring a planner can be within your budget and they may be able to save you more money than if you planned a wedding on your own.
It is important to realize that a poorly organized wedding can be embarrassing and tacky and will be visible for all your closest friends and family to see. So, there's no point in "trying to pull it off" to see if you can plan something on your own. It's arguably the most important day in your whole life, and it's better to get it done right. Planning should be a happy and exciting affair for a couple to experience.
A Wedding Planner will leave all the exciting decisions to the couple and take care of the worrisome details that allow your special day to go smoothly. A seasoned wedding planner will have gained valuable resources over the years to get you the best discounts and offers that lay people just don't have access to. Often their fee is made up by the money savings not only in better pricing, but also in arranging the lowest cost load in times for rental companies, negotiating for load in/out times with the venue, and much more.
It is the wedding planner's responsibility to guide the couple into make the right decisions when it comes to finding a dress, theme, menu, invitations, decorations, etc. If they allow the couple to freely choose what they want and in the end it all doesn't gel together, the event will end up looking like a circus. It is the wedding planner's responsibility to make sure that every decision for the big day has the theme and the budget in mind to fulfill a tasteful and appealing wedding.
Some have made the mistake of sticking to only one color throughout the whole event which can make it appear gaudy and monotonous. Having the right dash of color and coordinating with one or two other colors to make the theme flow evenly will help create a visually appealing atmosphere. Other tasks taken care of by the consultant can include managing the seating chart to fit all your guests in, ordering the catering, chairs, seat covers, table arrangements, flowers and much more.
Before hiring someone, ask if you can see pictures of past weddings that they have organized. Also ask about payment methods they accept and what percentage of the total cost they will charge as their fee. Let your consultant know your budget from the very beginning. No marriage should start off with a mounting debt, so emphasis on sticking to the budget is important. Avoid the added stress and start from the beginning in the right direction by hiring a Wedding Planner in the San Francisco Bay Area.
By Jud Yaski
Friday, July 17, 2009
After Your Boyfriend Dumps You, Do This Quick
By H. L. Archer
After your boyfriend dumps you, all you can think of is why? What did I do? You are confused, hurt, and embarrassed. What will your friends think? How are you going to explain it. Should you make up a story and put all of the blame on him or just tell the truth, that you really don't know?
First of all, you shouldn't be embarrassed and afraid to see your friends after your boyfriend dumps you. This is not an uncommon experience, it happens all the time. In fact there are probably millions of people going through the same agony that you are at this time. So, you don't need to be making up stories or placing blame right now.
No doubt, you want to get your ex boyfriend back. In order to do that you will need to know what went wrong before you can take steps to remedy the problem. But before you go about doing that, be sure can you take the truth. Some things have probably crossed your mind as to why he left you. If what you suspect was the real reason for you being dumped, can you take hearing it from him? If the answer to this is yes then here are three things that you can do.
Contact him face to face and ask him why he dumped you and if there is a chance of getting back together. If the reason that he gives you is something that you feel you can fix, tell him so and ask him for another chance. Lay your heart out to him and tell him that you are willing to work on the problem because your relationship is too special to throw away.
This is going to hurt but you are already hurt and humiliated, so what can make it worse? If he accepts, then you want to keep your promise and work on your shortcomings as hard as you can. If he refuses you and says that the relationship is over, you are no worse off than you are now.
Realize This
Having your boyfriend dump you is not the worst thing that will ever happen to you. Sometimes it can be a blessing in disguise that will lead you to a new and better way of life. On the other hand your relationship might be a match made in heaven and just needs to have a few rough spots ironed out. If you believe this to be the case, if you really love him and want him back, this method will bring him back pleading and begging for your forgiveness.
By H. L. Archer
After your boyfriend dumps you, all you can think of is why? What did I do? You are confused, hurt, and embarrassed. What will your friends think? How are you going to explain it. Should you make up a story and put all of the blame on him or just tell the truth, that you really don't know?
First of all, you shouldn't be embarrassed and afraid to see your friends after your boyfriend dumps you. This is not an uncommon experience, it happens all the time. In fact there are probably millions of people going through the same agony that you are at this time. So, you don't need to be making up stories or placing blame right now.
No doubt, you want to get your ex boyfriend back. In order to do that you will need to know what went wrong before you can take steps to remedy the problem. But before you go about doing that, be sure can you take the truth. Some things have probably crossed your mind as to why he left you. If what you suspect was the real reason for you being dumped, can you take hearing it from him? If the answer to this is yes then here are three things that you can do.
Contact him face to face and ask him why he dumped you and if there is a chance of getting back together. If the reason that he gives you is something that you feel you can fix, tell him so and ask him for another chance. Lay your heart out to him and tell him that you are willing to work on the problem because your relationship is too special to throw away.
This is going to hurt but you are already hurt and humiliated, so what can make it worse? If he accepts, then you want to keep your promise and work on your shortcomings as hard as you can. If he refuses you and says that the relationship is over, you are no worse off than you are now.
Realize This
Having your boyfriend dump you is not the worst thing that will ever happen to you. Sometimes it can be a blessing in disguise that will lead you to a new and better way of life. On the other hand your relationship might be a match made in heaven and just needs to have a few rough spots ironed out. If you believe this to be the case, if you really love him and want him back, this method will bring him back pleading and begging for your forgiveness.
By H. L. Archer
5 Tips to Spot a Marriage in Trouble
By Sarah Suton
* You no longer look to appreciate each other. Too much time together can create boredom and if this is something you are conscious of then you need to start to tackle it.
* There is a lack of communication. You or your spouses problems or difficulties seem to mean that the other one is forgotten .One of you might just be misunderstanding perhaps? A simple process here is to talk. Quite simply a situation can be misconstrued. If however you have forgotten to talk to each other then there could be lots of trouble in front of you. You have to learn how to talk about your problems and if you want to save your marriage then this is something you will have to tackle.
* Your spouse doesn't seem to notice you. Do they not appear to be interested in your day? Have they no curiosity whatsoever about what you have been dong with your time? Have they started forgetting about your birthday or your anniversary? Are these not the signs of a marriage in trouble? Do you feel that there is no focus on you now? Shouldn't they still want to do things for you? If you are feeling that your spouse just doesn't see you anymore then perhaps you should start now to resurrect your marriage. If you think this is happening then you need to take action now or it could prove terminal.
* You have stopped having fights. I don't mean the physical type. Having the occasional row can help any relationship. It demonstrates that you can communicate at the basic level perhaps and many marriages have this component. If you have stopped arguing, there can be many different reasons why but if arguments no longer trouble you and you don't engage in them or if they don't happen then it could be the sign of a marriage in trouble. It could indicate that you or your spouse are simply giving up.
* There is no intimacy. This isn't just sexual but can also mean hugging, kissing, the unexpected present, the bunch of flowers or breakfast in bed. It can be a demonstration that something is being lost. If this has started to happen fairly recently then you might find it easily sorted but it could be a factor showing a marriage in trouble.
This is the basic fact. There is still love between you but it does happen, you slowly unravel and suddenly you are left wondering, how did that happen? There are methods which you and your spouse can look at or you can try and save your marriage alone.Whichever way you look at it, if there are signs that are troubling you then you need to get some helpS and start the process to get the marriage back on track.
By Sarah Sutton
* You no longer look to appreciate each other. Too much time together can create boredom and if this is something you are conscious of then you need to start to tackle it.
* There is a lack of communication. You or your spouses problems or difficulties seem to mean that the other one is forgotten .One of you might just be misunderstanding perhaps? A simple process here is to talk. Quite simply a situation can be misconstrued. If however you have forgotten to talk to each other then there could be lots of trouble in front of you. You have to learn how to talk about your problems and if you want to save your marriage then this is something you will have to tackle.
* Your spouse doesn't seem to notice you. Do they not appear to be interested in your day? Have they no curiosity whatsoever about what you have been dong with your time? Have they started forgetting about your birthday or your anniversary? Are these not the signs of a marriage in trouble? Do you feel that there is no focus on you now? Shouldn't they still want to do things for you? If you are feeling that your spouse just doesn't see you anymore then perhaps you should start now to resurrect your marriage. If you think this is happening then you need to take action now or it could prove terminal.
* You have stopped having fights. I don't mean the physical type. Having the occasional row can help any relationship. It demonstrates that you can communicate at the basic level perhaps and many marriages have this component. If you have stopped arguing, there can be many different reasons why but if arguments no longer trouble you and you don't engage in them or if they don't happen then it could be the sign of a marriage in trouble. It could indicate that you or your spouse are simply giving up.
* There is no intimacy. This isn't just sexual but can also mean hugging, kissing, the unexpected present, the bunch of flowers or breakfast in bed. It can be a demonstration that something is being lost. If this has started to happen fairly recently then you might find it easily sorted but it could be a factor showing a marriage in trouble.
This is the basic fact. There is still love between you but it does happen, you slowly unravel and suddenly you are left wondering, how did that happen? There are methods which you and your spouse can look at or you can try and save your marriage alone.Whichever way you look at it, if there are signs that are troubling you then you need to get some helpS and start the process to get the marriage back on track.
By Sarah Sutton
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Alcoholism in a Relationship - When to Stay, When to Leave
By Jonathan Huie
"Alcoholic" is one of those words that raises high emotions. We tend to think of an alcoholic as someone who is violent, dangerous, and self destructive. We may also visualize an alcoholic as being selfish and not caring about anyone but themself. Sometimes those stereotypes are appropriate, but often they aren't.
By definition, and alcoholic is someone addicted to consuming alcohol, but how they behave when intoxicated, and the extent of their addiction vary widely. In addition, the word alcoholic is often used as a condemnation of someone who drinks more than their spouse would prefer.
So when can a loving spouse reasonably remain with an alcoholic, and when is it time to leave?
With one huge difference, the criteria for deciding the future of your relationship are the same whether your spouse is alcoholic or not:
1. If your spouse is physically violent or threatens physical violence, you must leave now - today. This is true whether your partner is drinking or just angry. It doesn't matter if they promise they will never hurt you again. It doesn't even matter if they promise to get help for their addiction. Violence or threats are cause to leave right now and seek safety.
2. If you feel safe and you are happy in your relationship, you have no cause to leave. Even if your spouse drinks too much for their own good, and even if they are unwilling to address their addiction, accept them as they are, love them, and don't pester them with demands to change their behavior. Of course you stand ready to support a decision on their part to get help in defeating their addiction, but you can't live their life for them.
3. If you are seriously unhappy because of any aspect of your relationship, consider leaving your partner. Whether the cause of your suffering is your spouse's addiction, philandering, angry outbursts, demeaning attitude toward you, or any other cause, it is your responsibility to take care of yourself.
The one exception to the general rule of maximizing your own well-being occurs when your partner makes a voluntary commitment to treatment for addiction and continuously follows up on that commitment. As long as you feel safe and you continue to see commitment and improvement, hold on. If your partner's progress turns to frequent backsliding, end the battle and take care of yourself by getting out of the relationship if you are suffering.
If children are involved in your decision, understand that their best interest is not well served by living with an addictive or hostile parent.
Read Don't Stay in a Broken Marriage For the Children
By Jonathan Huie
"Alcoholic" is one of those words that raises high emotions. We tend to think of an alcoholic as someone who is violent, dangerous, and self destructive. We may also visualize an alcoholic as being selfish and not caring about anyone but themself. Sometimes those stereotypes are appropriate, but often they aren't.
By definition, and alcoholic is someone addicted to consuming alcohol, but how they behave when intoxicated, and the extent of their addiction vary widely. In addition, the word alcoholic is often used as a condemnation of someone who drinks more than their spouse would prefer.
So when can a loving spouse reasonably remain with an alcoholic, and when is it time to leave?
With one huge difference, the criteria for deciding the future of your relationship are the same whether your spouse is alcoholic or not:
1. If your spouse is physically violent or threatens physical violence, you must leave now - today. This is true whether your partner is drinking or just angry. It doesn't matter if they promise they will never hurt you again. It doesn't even matter if they promise to get help for their addiction. Violence or threats are cause to leave right now and seek safety.
2. If you feel safe and you are happy in your relationship, you have no cause to leave. Even if your spouse drinks too much for their own good, and even if they are unwilling to address their addiction, accept them as they are, love them, and don't pester them with demands to change their behavior. Of course you stand ready to support a decision on their part to get help in defeating their addiction, but you can't live their life for them.
3. If you are seriously unhappy because of any aspect of your relationship, consider leaving your partner. Whether the cause of your suffering is your spouse's addiction, philandering, angry outbursts, demeaning attitude toward you, or any other cause, it is your responsibility to take care of yourself.
The one exception to the general rule of maximizing your own well-being occurs when your partner makes a voluntary commitment to treatment for addiction and continuously follows up on that commitment. As long as you feel safe and you continue to see commitment and improvement, hold on. If your partner's progress turns to frequent backsliding, end the battle and take care of yourself by getting out of the relationship if you are suffering.
If children are involved in your decision, understand that their best interest is not well served by living with an addictive or hostile parent.
Read Don't Stay in a Broken Marriage For the Children
By Jonathan Huie
How to Save a Dying Relationship
By Melissa Haworth
We all want our romantic relationships to last. As much as possible, we hope to make it as smooth sailing as possible. Nonetheless, such ideal situation never really exists. There will come a time when disagreement between couples will surface. Problems and confrontations will arise, and soon after, what seemed to be inseparable and indestructible begins to crumble and shatter into pieces. You then wonder how you can save your dying relationship.
Of course, if you were in this case, you'd want to save the dying relationship. You'd do anything in your power to bring back the pieces together. We cannot afford to lose someone we hold so dear to our heart that's why we struggle to find ways to patch things up.
In most cases, the early stages of a relationship determine if a couple is meant to last. It is where you get to know your partner better and that is the time when you decide if you can accept everything that your partner is. This is the time when you try to adjust yourself toward your partner and you also work on compromising some of your own ideals and preferences for the sake of attuning your lifestyle, and probably your mindset, parallel to your partner.
At times, conflicts may arise and you may at times feel that things aren't working out the way they're supposed to. Then you start getting frustrated, and slowly, your ties begin to loosen up, beginning to separate the bonds that once were so strong.
It is a sad ending if such happens. Sometimes, pride gets in the way. Because of anger and frustration, you end up losing the relationship.
The thing is, because of too much pride and anger you forget to realize the worth of your partner. You tend to disregard everything that you've been through. More often than not, you realize these things but a little late than necessary. This will bring you much pain than you've ever felt which will make you think what you could have done instead.
There's a lot you can do to save your relationship. However, no matter what plan of action you choose, the success of saving the relationship wells from both of your conscious effort to make things work.
Both of you must want to patch things up. You must take time to understand the situation, accept the things you've done wrong, and start with a determined stance of making things better for the sake of love. At times, your partner may want to have some space and time to mull things over and that is perfectly okay.
Communication is key; everything works out when there is communication. Let your partner know what you want and don't want, and what you're willing to compromise. Make your partner feel that you want the relationship to last and that you are willing to give anything just to make it work.
Coming into terms to save a dying relationship may be complex for some but it is relatively easy. This stems from your sincerity and genuine desire to be with the one you love. If you have that in your heart, then nothing can be a problem.
Just break up?
Want to know what DEADLY mistakes you could be making right now that's driving your partner away?
By Melissa Haworth
We all want our romantic relationships to last. As much as possible, we hope to make it as smooth sailing as possible. Nonetheless, such ideal situation never really exists. There will come a time when disagreement between couples will surface. Problems and confrontations will arise, and soon after, what seemed to be inseparable and indestructible begins to crumble and shatter into pieces. You then wonder how you can save your dying relationship.
Of course, if you were in this case, you'd want to save the dying relationship. You'd do anything in your power to bring back the pieces together. We cannot afford to lose someone we hold so dear to our heart that's why we struggle to find ways to patch things up.
In most cases, the early stages of a relationship determine if a couple is meant to last. It is where you get to know your partner better and that is the time when you decide if you can accept everything that your partner is. This is the time when you try to adjust yourself toward your partner and you also work on compromising some of your own ideals and preferences for the sake of attuning your lifestyle, and probably your mindset, parallel to your partner.
At times, conflicts may arise and you may at times feel that things aren't working out the way they're supposed to. Then you start getting frustrated, and slowly, your ties begin to loosen up, beginning to separate the bonds that once were so strong.
It is a sad ending if such happens. Sometimes, pride gets in the way. Because of anger and frustration, you end up losing the relationship.
The thing is, because of too much pride and anger you forget to realize the worth of your partner. You tend to disregard everything that you've been through. More often than not, you realize these things but a little late than necessary. This will bring you much pain than you've ever felt which will make you think what you could have done instead.
There's a lot you can do to save your relationship. However, no matter what plan of action you choose, the success of saving the relationship wells from both of your conscious effort to make things work.
Both of you must want to patch things up. You must take time to understand the situation, accept the things you've done wrong, and start with a determined stance of making things better for the sake of love. At times, your partner may want to have some space and time to mull things over and that is perfectly okay.
Communication is key; everything works out when there is communication. Let your partner know what you want and don't want, and what you're willing to compromise. Make your partner feel that you want the relationship to last and that you are willing to give anything just to make it work.
Coming into terms to save a dying relationship may be complex for some but it is relatively easy. This stems from your sincerity and genuine desire to be with the one you love. If you have that in your heart, then nothing can be a problem.
Just break up?
Want to know what DEADLY mistakes you could be making right now that's driving your partner away?
By Melissa Haworth
How to Get Ex Back When it Seems Hopeless - Your Ex Would Be Hooked Onto You After This Point
By Jason Leading
Your partner is your 'ex' for some real good reasons. You are distraught and are looking for answers, but somehow you can't fathom the underlying causes of the split. Well, look no further, all the answers are within you and if you address them satisfactorily your 'ex' will once again become your lover. Dissect your past. Take break and analyze your behavior. If you have had a domineering trait that you did not check then you need to address this issue immediately. Remember your partner is also your best friends and friends don't like to be dominated. A relationship is successful only when it is between two equals. Get professional help if you need to. This will help you make better person even if you fail to attract your ex back. Eat humble pie. If after seeking professional help and making the necessary changes in your attitude and behavior you still are not able to make a favorable impression on your ex then it means you screwed up real bad. The best thing under these circumstances is to eat humble pie and apologize unconditionally. Call up your ex and express your wish to meet him/her to apologize. This act will not only soothe frayed nerves but will also massage your ex's ego. However, be sincere in your apology and do not expect your ex to come onboard immediately. Transform yourself. Having followed the above mentioned two tips, you need to now devote some time to better yourself. Lose weight if you have grown thick at the waist, wear smart clothes, change your hairstyle, and color your hair.....the works. You should do all that you can to attract members of the opposite sex. You should not only look new on the outside but you should also feel it from within. Once your ex realizes that you have changed for the better it will be only a matter of time before he/she welcomes you back in a relationship.
By Jason Leading
Your partner is your 'ex' for some real good reasons. You are distraught and are looking for answers, but somehow you can't fathom the underlying causes of the split. Well, look no further, all the answers are within you and if you address them satisfactorily your 'ex' will once again become your lover. Dissect your past. Take break and analyze your behavior. If you have had a domineering trait that you did not check then you need to address this issue immediately. Remember your partner is also your best friends and friends don't like to be dominated. A relationship is successful only when it is between two equals. Get professional help if you need to. This will help you make better person even if you fail to attract your ex back. Eat humble pie. If after seeking professional help and making the necessary changes in your attitude and behavior you still are not able to make a favorable impression on your ex then it means you screwed up real bad. The best thing under these circumstances is to eat humble pie and apologize unconditionally. Call up your ex and express your wish to meet him/her to apologize. This act will not only soothe frayed nerves but will also massage your ex's ego. However, be sincere in your apology and do not expect your ex to come onboard immediately. Transform yourself. Having followed the above mentioned two tips, you need to now devote some time to better yourself. Lose weight if you have grown thick at the waist, wear smart clothes, change your hairstyle, and color your hair.....the works. You should do all that you can to attract members of the opposite sex. You should not only look new on the outside but you should also feel it from within. Once your ex realizes that you have changed for the better it will be only a matter of time before he/she welcomes you back in a relationship.
By Jason Leading
Do You Suffer Because of a Bad Breakup? 4 Simple Tricks Which Will End Your Breakup Pain Quickly!
By Jason Leading
In spite of all your efforts to get back with your ex, you did not succeed and the pain of the break up is too fresh to handle. That is true! But you cannot keep wiping tears and need to brave the situation. Go party with friends. This is the time to spend with your friends. Go out with them and party and have lots of fun. There is no time to brood over things like the breakup. Being with friends will help you tide over this difficult phase in your life. The enjoyment of laughing, talking and having fun and joking with your friends will help you forget, even though temporarily, about your heart break. Shopping is a big time healer. You'll be amazed at how big a healer shopping is. Even if you do not feel in the mood to shop for yourself right now or do not have the need to, just walk through the many malls you have in the vicinity. When you look at all those people out there it will act as a soother to your troubled nerves and heart. Take up a past-time you enjoy. For ages you were not able to make the time to enjoy one of your favorite activities. Well now you can turn your attention to this sector and really let go of yourself. You will not only enjoy the activity be it a sport or swimming or other social activity! You will get to meet new people and enjoy your new found activity all the more. Join a library. A library will help you catch up with all the reading you had missed out on. This is the right time to join a library and spend as much time as you can to read the latest magazines on whatever your favorite subject is. Alternately if you're a painter or have some other creative hobby indulge wholeheartedly in that. These activities are time consuming, as they need your complete concentration and devotion.
By Jason Leading
In spite of all your efforts to get back with your ex, you did not succeed and the pain of the break up is too fresh to handle. That is true! But you cannot keep wiping tears and need to brave the situation. Go party with friends. This is the time to spend with your friends. Go out with them and party and have lots of fun. There is no time to brood over things like the breakup. Being with friends will help you tide over this difficult phase in your life. The enjoyment of laughing, talking and having fun and joking with your friends will help you forget, even though temporarily, about your heart break. Shopping is a big time healer. You'll be amazed at how big a healer shopping is. Even if you do not feel in the mood to shop for yourself right now or do not have the need to, just walk through the many malls you have in the vicinity. When you look at all those people out there it will act as a soother to your troubled nerves and heart. Take up a past-time you enjoy. For ages you were not able to make the time to enjoy one of your favorite activities. Well now you can turn your attention to this sector and really let go of yourself. You will not only enjoy the activity be it a sport or swimming or other social activity! You will get to meet new people and enjoy your new found activity all the more. Join a library. A library will help you catch up with all the reading you had missed out on. This is the right time to join a library and spend as much time as you can to read the latest magazines on whatever your favorite subject is. Alternately if you're a painter or have some other creative hobby indulge wholeheartedly in that. These activities are time consuming, as they need your complete concentration and devotion.
By Jason Leading
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Taking the Leap - From Friends to Lovers
By Ruth Purple
The transition from friends to lovers can be difficult to do especially if you have been friends for a long time. You know that it can also be quite scary for a girl to hear that her guy best friend is falling in love with her. So the best you can do is to endure a little more time hiding your real feelings and continue being one of the "girlfriends". I can only imagine what a torture it can be hearing her lusting about this guy or talking about how great the date or the sex was. Just think that enduring this pain has a greater purpose.
Taking her by surprise that you're inlove with her can do more harm than good. You will be risking the long and beautiful friendship. If you don't do it right your friend might think that you took advantage of her friendship just to get close to her and get her attention. Your attraction to her can be misinterpreted as betrayal and manipulation to win her interest. So if you want to change lanes from friends to lovers, do it correctly and with finesse. First thing that you should do is to think and try to put your place in her place.
How would you feel if the person you truly trust and feel comfortable with and considers as "one of the guy" now sees you differently? Predictably, you will now feel strange and uncomfortable towards her. You can no longer express yourself to her because you're careful not to hurt her feelings. You can now kiss your wonderful friendship goodbye. If you have thought deeply of the consequences of leaping from friends to lovers, you might need to slow down and create an action plan. The good news is, if you want to do that change from friends to lovers, you have the advantage.
You know her more than any other guy in the planet. All you have to do is give her that attention she needs. Take care of her, pamper her. Let your actions do the talking. The reason she puts you in a friend category is because you treated her like one of her girlfriend treats her. Exert an extra effort. Open the door for her, extend the chair when she's about to sit down, download her favorite music in her ipod, help her with her errands, put a coat on her when its cold. Let other people notice how a great guy you are and let her be the envy of her girlfriends.
When she talks about the guy she's crazy about, listen and naturally inject your own opinions on what you would do if you're in a relationship. For instance, you can say something like "if I found the girl of my dreams, I will pamper her and take care of her the way I take care of you. I will love her and do my best not to hurt her. I will protect her and make her smile always. I will not just a lover to her but a best friend, just like us..." In making a transition from friends to lovers, do it gradually.
Bit by bit let her see your potential as a mate. Let her see you in a different light. Let her see that you can be more than friends and that turning friends to lovers can be a good thing.
By Ruth Purple
The transition from friends to lovers can be difficult to do especially if you have been friends for a long time. You know that it can also be quite scary for a girl to hear that her guy best friend is falling in love with her. So the best you can do is to endure a little more time hiding your real feelings and continue being one of the "girlfriends". I can only imagine what a torture it can be hearing her lusting about this guy or talking about how great the date or the sex was. Just think that enduring this pain has a greater purpose.
Taking her by surprise that you're inlove with her can do more harm than good. You will be risking the long and beautiful friendship. If you don't do it right your friend might think that you took advantage of her friendship just to get close to her and get her attention. Your attraction to her can be misinterpreted as betrayal and manipulation to win her interest. So if you want to change lanes from friends to lovers, do it correctly and with finesse. First thing that you should do is to think and try to put your place in her place.
How would you feel if the person you truly trust and feel comfortable with and considers as "one of the guy" now sees you differently? Predictably, you will now feel strange and uncomfortable towards her. You can no longer express yourself to her because you're careful not to hurt her feelings. You can now kiss your wonderful friendship goodbye. If you have thought deeply of the consequences of leaping from friends to lovers, you might need to slow down and create an action plan. The good news is, if you want to do that change from friends to lovers, you have the advantage.
You know her more than any other guy in the planet. All you have to do is give her that attention she needs. Take care of her, pamper her. Let your actions do the talking. The reason she puts you in a friend category is because you treated her like one of her girlfriend treats her. Exert an extra effort. Open the door for her, extend the chair when she's about to sit down, download her favorite music in her ipod, help her with her errands, put a coat on her when its cold. Let other people notice how a great guy you are and let her be the envy of her girlfriends.
When she talks about the guy she's crazy about, listen and naturally inject your own opinions on what you would do if you're in a relationship. For instance, you can say something like "if I found the girl of my dreams, I will pamper her and take care of her the way I take care of you. I will love her and do my best not to hurt her. I will protect her and make her smile always. I will not just a lover to her but a best friend, just like us..." In making a transition from friends to lovers, do it gradually.
Bit by bit let her see your potential as a mate. Let her see you in a different light. Let her see that you can be more than friends and that turning friends to lovers can be a good thing.
By Ruth Purple
Building a Lasting and Vibrant Relationship
By Mary Okonji
I kindly request that you permit me a space in your widely read column in other to share my views on the need to build a strong friendship with your partner before consummating your relationship. Friendship according to the oxford dictionary is defined as a close, lasting and lifelong friendship between two friends. It is also a relationship born when two people receive and share love and mutual affection for each other. As it is nurtured, it grows to become stronger as they both give to each other.
A friend is ---- Someone who is nice and good to you. Someone you like to spend quality and precious time with. Someone you can trust. Someone who helps you to get up when you are down. Everyone desires a friend because friendship makes your yoke easy.
It is in friendship that you know if you can be with someone, if you can trust them, respect them and spend your life with them. There are different levels of friendship namely,
Strangers: In this level of relationship, you hardly know the person but you do exchange pleasantries with him/her whenever you get to come in contact with each other on the way.
Acquaintance: Is a platonic relationship you have with someone you slightly or hardly know. You may be familiar with this person by relating or paying each other visits to your various homes but you barely know details or information about him/her. So many arranged Marriages are acquaintance based. It is also known to be a game of chance, because such relationships were not allowed to fully develop. It is not advisable to jump from this stage of relationship into Marriage because such a union could be very disastrous and could bring upon a negative effect on the lives of the two people who are involved in it. It is better to take your time before rushing into a relationship, because once you rush in there is every possibility for you to also rush out.
Close Friendship: At this level, companionship begins, emotional feelings sets in, you begin to realize that by constant keeping in touch with each other, you begin to share mutual feelings and interests. You begin to discuss issues with this other person to a certain extent. It is necessary and mandatory to give time to your relationship so that you two can become familiarized with each other. There is also a point to note that at this stage of the relationship that it is not advisable to ask for the other person's hand in Marriage or accept proposals.
Intimate Relationship: it is a level of relationship where you want to fully get committed and deeply involved with this new found catch of yours. In this kind of relationship you not only want to have sex with this person, but you also want to have an intimate union with that person such as telling or revealing to your partner your innermost secrets, plans and dreams which you have not disclosed with anyone before not even with any member of your family or friends. Wanting to take responsibilities of the other person's needs, rendering a selfless service to him/her, sharing in his pains and joys and a whole lot of others to numerous to mention.
Marriage: In this level and final stage of relationship: one has to continue nurturing the union. For the fact that it has successfully ended in marriage is no gain saying that the relationship cannot still pack up, if there is no daily renewal of their friendship or commitment which they once swore to each other to keep. The marriage is bound to head to the rocks.
By Mary Okonji
I kindly request that you permit me a space in your widely read column in other to share my views on the need to build a strong friendship with your partner before consummating your relationship. Friendship according to the oxford dictionary is defined as a close, lasting and lifelong friendship between two friends. It is also a relationship born when two people receive and share love and mutual affection for each other. As it is nurtured, it grows to become stronger as they both give to each other.
A friend is ---- Someone who is nice and good to you. Someone you like to spend quality and precious time with. Someone you can trust. Someone who helps you to get up when you are down. Everyone desires a friend because friendship makes your yoke easy.
It is in friendship that you know if you can be with someone, if you can trust them, respect them and spend your life with them. There are different levels of friendship namely,
Strangers: In this level of relationship, you hardly know the person but you do exchange pleasantries with him/her whenever you get to come in contact with each other on the way.
Acquaintance: Is a platonic relationship you have with someone you slightly or hardly know. You may be familiar with this person by relating or paying each other visits to your various homes but you barely know details or information about him/her. So many arranged Marriages are acquaintance based. It is also known to be a game of chance, because such relationships were not allowed to fully develop. It is not advisable to jump from this stage of relationship into Marriage because such a union could be very disastrous and could bring upon a negative effect on the lives of the two people who are involved in it. It is better to take your time before rushing into a relationship, because once you rush in there is every possibility for you to also rush out.
Close Friendship: At this level, companionship begins, emotional feelings sets in, you begin to realize that by constant keeping in touch with each other, you begin to share mutual feelings and interests. You begin to discuss issues with this other person to a certain extent. It is necessary and mandatory to give time to your relationship so that you two can become familiarized with each other. There is also a point to note that at this stage of the relationship that it is not advisable to ask for the other person's hand in Marriage or accept proposals.
Intimate Relationship: it is a level of relationship where you want to fully get committed and deeply involved with this new found catch of yours. In this kind of relationship you not only want to have sex with this person, but you also want to have an intimate union with that person such as telling or revealing to your partner your innermost secrets, plans and dreams which you have not disclosed with anyone before not even with any member of your family or friends. Wanting to take responsibilities of the other person's needs, rendering a selfless service to him/her, sharing in his pains and joys and a whole lot of others to numerous to mention.
Marriage: In this level and final stage of relationship: one has to continue nurturing the union. For the fact that it has successfully ended in marriage is no gain saying that the relationship cannot still pack up, if there is no daily renewal of their friendship or commitment which they once swore to each other to keep. The marriage is bound to head to the rocks.
By Mary Okonji
When Love Hurts
By Michael Sean Symonds
So much has been said of friendship and love that it seems on one level redundant to even write about it. In my own life I have found insight, understanding, awareness and suffering, as I engage the pursuit of its experience and the never ending conversations that occur around the dance of its expression.
Perhaps where there is loss and grieving around friendship and love, it is only then that we seek a deeper level of its understanding, meaning, expression, need and purpose in life? Perhaps a hunger or desperation inside guides and motivates our behaviors in seeking, engaging and celebrating its expression; to continue to find deeper layers of its company within all our relations?
One thing is very clear; the greatest killer to love, whether it is in the friendship of another, or to the companion we may call our "significant other", is the attitude with which we bring or develop. How do we show up in friendship and love? Do we look for and focus on "what is wrong" with its expression or do we inquire and explore as to "what might be missing" within its potential? Do we pursue an imagined possibility or do we shrink from a shadow of doubt that may exist within our mind? Do we risk exposing our inner most thoughts and fears with the hope that in that exposure, we will be seen, heard, and embraced for Who We Are, or do we hide pieces of ourselves that will only, ever, continue to be shrouded in the shadow of past pain or unresolved emotion that has anchored itself to our heart? Are we willing to risk the unknown territory of its experience or will we retreat to the confines of a conditioned mind and heart? Do we force this relationship to fit into a box like any or all previous boxes, or do we allow the gift of its presence to be wrapped and unfolded, uniquely, originally, unconditionally?
A common thread within our existence is that we often suffer greatly as we stumble in the pursuit of friendship and love. There appears to be a rhythm and flow to friendship and love, and to find another, a friend or lover who rapports to and with the rhythm and flow of our own pace appears to be both the challenge and the ideal. When it happens though, when friendship or love does occur, a priceless magic can be experienced in the moment as one Soul connects to another; as a bond is established on the deepest of unseen, non verbal levels.
The actress Bridget Nielsen once said:
"the love story is always the same; I keep finding myself a step ahead or a step behind..."
I am no expert in this dance; I have fallen in friendship AND in love, more times than not. As a witness though, and an often unwilling participant in the "search" for friendship and love, I have made a few observations while on this path; a few insights which I share with you now; 7 reasons why love hurts...
1) Expectation: Expectation of any kind kills the present moment. When you can show up without expectation, you can be in the present moment; you can navigate the ebb and flow of the present moment. If you're mind is busy, fixated on the past, or imagining a particular future, how can you ever hope to respond to the rhythm and flow of the moment? How can you touch, taste, feel, see or hear the pulse of friendship or love in this present moment now?
The present moment is going to happen and it will happen with, or without your attention or permission. When your attention is on the present moment, when it is freed from the fear of the past, or the seduction of a particular future expectation, you will be available to the present moment; you will navigate the present moment. You will thrive in the present moment, and be able to receive the gift of-the-present, in-this-momentary-now.
For every expectation there is a hidden need. We are distracted and deceived when we only focus on the expectation and not the need. When we can become aware of our own needs we will be less inclined to project those needs onto another; in friendship or in love. When we are clear of which needs are of importance while also surrendering those that have little or no value, we will be once again be free to show up without the influence of an unconscious, agenda.
2) Vulnerability: Vulnerability is the naked direct experience and expression of who and what we are in the moment, without judgment, evaluation or significance being placed on that experience or that expression of the moment. When we can express ourselves freely, honestly, in this present moment now, without the fear of being judged or evaluated by our self or another, there will be intimacy. Intimacy is an invitation; in-to-me-see, now.
The practice of Being vulnerable in the moment requires great courage. We don't "do" vulnerability; we are vulnerable or we are not. Where there is courage there is also freedom; freedom to express one self with or in spite of the judgments or evaluations that may or may not be present in self or another. In the vulnerability of this moment, in the blatant honesty of this moment, there is a chance for the demise or consummation of that friendship or love; will it flicker out like a candle in the wind, or will it foster a new level of trust, understanding, compassion and love within that relationship? Will you risk the unmasking of a false self in order to reveal your true Self?
When we swim in the vulnerability of the moment; when we give and are received completely and unconditionally in that moment, hearts can open. Minds can be freed of one thousand illusions, emotions can be transformed from a source pain and suffering into the innocence of Being. In this vulnerability, in this receiving, a space can be created for deeper levels of our inner Being to be experienced and expressed for both the speaker and the listener. In this moment, there is the potential for the speaker and the listener to merge, to become One.
3) Fear: Fear is a projection of the past or imagined future onto the present moment. As long as we are in our story of "what is going on" or "what could go on", we will be an unwilling subject to fear. In fact it's safe to say that all "adverse emotions" that bind and restrict the flow of friendship or love, can only exist while we are in a story.
As long as we are in our story; as long as we continue to act out from a story, we will NOT be in the present moment. This of course can be perfectly ok, if you are willing to be vulnerable, or if you've been blessed with a listener, a friend, or a lover, who is willing to receive you as you are.
There are times in life when the burden of our story becomes overwhelming, when it will overshadow our ability to simply show up, and Be present. While we may not be aware of this fact and the impact of our story in its ability to overshadow the present moment, most, are very familiar with its experience when it takes the form of overwhelm, where we suffer.
Our story is who we imagine ourselves to be. It combines memories of our past with our perception of who we are in the present moment. It is the assumption and meaning we give to self and the experiences that appear to occur to self, after they have occurred. It is a very personal, self engendered, tainted narration that is filtered through the mind. It is a subjective version of reality that we call "my story" and "my life".
The story can only exist in our mind; it can only exist in the past. It takes the form of memories, associations, perceptions, ideas, notions, thoughts, feelings, beliefs and conclusions that arise out of the narration we give to all experience. Our story is based on how we see ourselves, how we see the world, and how we imagine the world see's us. When we live in the story, we live in the projections of "why me?", "how come?", "it should", "you should", "they should" and "we should". We lose ourselves in a conversation of: "if only", "what if", "it was", "may be", "when I", "when he", "when she" and "when they". We lose ourselves in the justification of a narrative based on "why".
The seduction of the story lies in its ability to provide us with "an out", a story line that is based on a dichotomy. If the story is labeled "bad" then we can also have the possibility of "good". If there is "lack" there is also a chance for "prosperity", and if there is "sadness" there is always a chance for greater levels of "happiness". This is the nature of the story; it is based on the coexistence of opposites: if there is "a down" there must also be an "up"; and you know how much we want, need, and desire the "ups" of our story in life? The degree to which we identify with our story is the degree to which we will suffer.
Much of the pain and suffering we experience in our story is a result of the meanings we give to our story. We fail to realize that at some level, any meaning can be given to any story. Detachment and freedom occur when there is a realization that we can have an experience without giving it a story; without interpreting or assigning our experience with a narration or meaning that can only come from the mind and the assumptions made by a blind, mind. We need to avoid at all costs the story our mind may presently be spinning, where we will only, ever, get caught up in the conspiracy of its conjecture and illusion.
Freedom occurs when we come to a place in awareness where no meaning is given to any experience. Without meaning, there can be no story, when there is no story, there will be no suffering. We can be in the story, but not of it.
So, how do you see yourself?
How do you see the world?
And, how do you think the world see's you?
4) Acceptance: It was never about understanding. Understanding was, is, and will always be, the boo-bee prize; a necessary guest that always arrives late, to the mind. Where there is acceptance, there is love; what more would one need or want as a foundation to any friendship or love?
Awareness is the purest form of acceptance; where the totality of what is, is. Where there is awareness there is spontaneous, inner acceptance; there is response to the ebb and flow of the moment. Where there is awareness all external acceptance or not, becomes secondary; icing on the cake.
Acceptance thrives in awareness; it takes the form of witnessing what is. When you witness what is, there is total acceptance without reason or justification. In the innocence of awareness you are, and all is. While the mind may need to calculate the "whys" and "wherefore's" of being; awareness as acceptance, celebrates the moment as it is, without judgment, without evaluation, without significance. In awareness the value of acceptance is elevated by spontaneous compassion, effortless understanding, and unbounded Being. In awareness there is no cognition of "this" or "that". In awareness, there is the simplicity and freedom of Being.
5) Attention: When we give something our attention it will flourish and thrive, when we withdraw our attention it will wither and die. Friendship and love can only exist in this present moment now.
Where is your attention?
If your attention is on the past, you will also be in the past. If your attention is on fear, you will also be in fear. If your attention is on doubt, you will also be in doubt. If your attention is on this present moment now; there can only be love.
Where is your attention, now?
Is it lost in a memory of the past?
Is it overwhelmed by the story of who you imagine yourself to be?
Perhaps it is seduced by the distraction, fantasy, or romance, of what might be?
Is your attention placed "out there" into the foreground of your worldly experience, or does it settle gently into the quiet, still, background of Being?
There is great freedom and power in the quality of your attention. When your attention is in the present moment and your mind is not clouded by unimportant things, you are free to navigate the day to day circumstance of your life. You are free to simply Be.
The quality of your attention is affected by objects of your attention. When your attention is anchored to the background of Being, it enables you to witness what is; without judgment, without evaluation, without significance. When your attention is anchored to the background of Being ~ the One who is Being attentive; your attention will spontaneously illuminate what is vital, necessary, and relevant to the elevation and evolution of your life and the friendship or love that exists or could exist, in this present moment now.
If your attention is scattered, distracted by form and phenomena, distracted by the circumstances or experiences that lie in the foreground of your life, your attention will be bound. Your attention will fixate on unimportant details and you will swim in the delusion of your mind and the distracting thoughts that appear as that mind.
Attention energizes and activates the objects of your attention. It gives life to the objects of your attention. Anything that has a beginning, middle, and ending is an object, including something as subtle as your thoughts or feelings. Your body/mind is an object; everything contained within your world is an object. Your ideas of friendship and love are also concepts; subjective ideas that exist in time and space. They are transient in nature, they come and go. This narration is also concept: it has a beginning, middle, and an end. Will you highlight the transient, bound objects with your attention, or will you highlight the infinite, eternal, unbound, background of your Being?
When your attention is focused, anchored to the background of Being, you will simultaneously be fully absorbed, awake, and aware, to the present moment now. You will not be distracted by obstacles, which can only, ever, exist in the foreground of your life experience or mind. Quiet attention, gathers and informs, organizes and orchestrates what is. In the stillness of attention; when you are standing still in attention, you have access to energy and information which can inform Who You Are and who you will Be. With attention, any relationship will flourish; without attention, it will wither and die.
6) Listening: We all want to be heard; deeply. We all want someone to listen to our story; to be a witness to our story, in spite of our story. Can you listen without assumption? Can you listen without judgment, evaluation or significance? Can you Be present in your listening: to my sadness and pain; to my purpose and joys; to my fears and delusions; to my hopes and dreams? In friendship or love, are you ready and willing to be present in your listening, with what is, what was, and what might be? In your attentive listening, can you celebrate and honor the humanity of my life and the humility of your own?
When we listen innocently with intention, we create the space for acceptance to unfold. To give complete attention to a friend or lover, by listening attentively is to give one the opportunity to be heard; perhaps for the very first time. It is a gift. It is a precious gift of unconditional love. In friendship and in love, the power of attentive listening can transform and heal. When you listen, you provide affirmation, validation, and appreciation. In your attentive listening, you demonstrate: commitment, care, concern and compassion. In your taking the time to listen; in your making the time to listen, you give and receive the gift that lies within listening. In your listening you find a common, neutral ground; you find your own humanity and the humanity of another; you momentarily share a vision of what is, creating the space for what can potentially Be.
7) There are many "reasons" why love hurts. The greatest of all reasons is that love can only hurt where there is already hurting. The most painful of all hurts is to acknowledge and accept; to realize that the hurt that you are feeling appears to exist within you. The perceived wound of hurt lies in the heart and awareness of the one who is hurting. What is "outside" can only, ever, reinforce what is perceived to be "inside". The same hurt you see or feel in another will reinforce and affirm the symptoms of a deeper wound of hurt that lies within you. It's a perceived wound, so deep and familiar; an experience and memory so real, that you will believe it's you. You will identify "it", as "you".
You are not your hurt. You are not the one who is hurting. Prior to the word hurt; you are. During the perceived wounding of hurt, you are, and after the hurting, you will Be. To be free from hurt, the imagined "you" must shift its attention from the wound of hurt, to the One who is observing or witnessing that hurt. "You" must shift "your" attention from the foreground of "your" life experience where the hurting occurs, to the background of Being which lies beyond all hurt.
You must witness the wound of hurt from the background of Being, not the foreground of hurt, in order to realize that you are not the hurt; nor, are you the hurting. You must innocently identify with the peace that lies in the essence of Being; that exists before, during, and after the hurt, to know that you are the peace of Being, and not the hurt or the hurting.
The violence of hurt will happen on "you" or "to another", but the hurt always lies in the mind and heart of the one who is hurting. The One who is observing the hurt was there before the hurt. The One who is witnessing the hurt will always be present when there appears to be hurt, and the One who is aware, will be always be there for every progressive moment after the hurt has occurred.
Hurt happens "on you", not "to you", or "in you". As long as you continue to identify yourself as, with, or to the "hurt", the "you" you imagine yourself to be will suffer. If your attention is on the hurt, you will see hurt, feel hurt, think hurt and believe in hurt. You will be the hurt. Hurt is a story that you give attention, meaning and life to. As long as there is a story, there will be hurt. If you pull your attention from the story of hurt to the background of Being, you will be free to Be. The bound becomes un-bound; what presently appears vincible becomes invincible.
There are times in life where you may appear to experience hurt beyond measure; the kind of hurt that makes you imagine, believe and feel you are irreplaceably broken inside. It will feel as though priceless parts of your Being have been stolen, or even died inside; forever lost to the ash of an experience or memory of what was, is, or might have been. In those moments where friendship or love seems absent, when it seems to hurt the most, you might be tempted to focus on the story of hurt only.
The greatest hurt, lies in the story you subsequently create around your perceived hurt. It lies in the thoughts, memories, emotions, perceptions and associations that arise out of your story of hurt. Hurt lives in the story of hurt; hurt thrives in the story of hurt. The story of your hurt will become more dangerous than any survived event could ever possibly be. You will suffer more in the story of your hurt than you ever possibly could do, in the experience of hurt. Hurt as an experience, has a beginning, middle and ending. The story of hurt can live on forever in the minds and hearts of the hurting.
The stories we tell ourselves about the perception of hurt and who we are, can morph into dishonest betrayals to our Being. They can become selectively edited and sanitized versions of reality; something we subjectively believe to be true. The danger in the allegations of our story is what we decide, assume, and believe about the experiences we have, that become our stories, which we then identify to and with. As we lose our attention to the details of our story, we forsake and abandon Being for the mis-beliefs and lies we tell ourselves.
In our stories we pretend and we imagine, we fear and we judge, we assume and we minimize Who We Are for what we imagine ourselves to be. We distort what is, and create a version of reality that perpetuates the deepest conclusions, illusions and delusions we have about a self that lives and breathes in our day to day existence. What is inferred and implied in those stories become the foundation of agreements that we then live our life to. We derail and deny the existence of Being for the sake of an agreement we made to our story of self, and we suffer.
While the story may justify; while it may allow us to cope, it will only, ever, provide a false sense of security and perceived strength from the perceived chaos of the moment or past experience. The loss of attention to Being only amplifies the loss of equanimity within our lives; impersonal Being is substituted for a very personal philosophy: the mythology of an "I".
All stories are acquired. We gather and adopt all hurt. The story of hurt is an internal commitment; an agreement that was made. Do we question and confront these stories? Do we examine the agreements we have made? Do we investigate the lies we tell ourselves? Will the legacy of your life be a story, or will it be the discovery and truth of Being?
You are so much more than your perceived hurt. You are so much more than the perceived story of your hurting. If you want to keep on hurting then allow yourself to stay focused on the story of why you are hurting. If you want to elevate the wound of hurting, let the mind focus and fester; let it harbor on the details of those hurts that have become your story, that you imagine yourself to be.
If you want to move beyond hurt, you will need to shift your attention from the story of the one who appears to be hurting, to the background of your Being. In Being, you will find freedom from hurt. In Being, you will once again be reminded of the peace that you were and are, before the hurting began. The "you" that you imagined yourself to be, will be replaced by a "you", you could never have possibly imagined. In Being there is no hurt. In Being there can be no hurting. When you are in the present moment, there is no story and there is no hurt. The story of hurt must disappear; the one who is hurting must also disappear.
The story of friendship and love appears to be always the same, you might find yourself a step behind, or even imagine yourself to be a step ahead, but the potential and possibility always exists that you will on occasion step outside the "up" and the "down" of its quest, to find the magic of what can Be.
Are you hurting in friendship or love?
The feeling of hurt is learned and there is always something to unlearn, in order to free yourself from that hurting.
Who came first, you or the hurt?
Until then, be gentle with your self. Be kind to yourself; and if you are hurting you can trust that with a little attention, that unknown part of yourself will become available to play its greatest role; to move you from that perceived hurt of experience, into happiness. To move the you you imagine yourself to be, beyond the experience of happiness, into the bliss of Being.
Until then, you might want to allow? There is something very precious in the field of allowing; something innocent, and something very, very, life affirming. Allowing nurtures, it embraces, encourages and elevates all contained within the spectrum of its comfort and light. Allowing, expresses the deepest aspects of our Being were body and mind, heart and Spirit, become One; where we can celebrate the moment of now, with the Spirit of yes.
As we allow; in our natural allegiance to allowing, the mechanics of a dualistic mind come to an end. In the spontaneous expression of allowing we abandon judgment; the mind and its notions are relegated to mere proposition. In allowing, we withdraw our attention from premature, cognitive, commitments. We withdraw our attention from ideas and philosophies that have no place in Being; that are not needed for the cultivation, experience or expression of Being.
In allowing; the experience and expression of our essence can percolate through the perceived obstacles to friendship and love; through the struggles, the hurts, the strife the gains and losses of friendship and love. In allowing; our essence can move from its marginalized position in the background of our awareness, to become the innocence that lives in the foreground of our awareness. It will thrive, to become our awareness.
Notice or observe "your" experience of hurt...
What observer is observing that hurt?
Where do those thoughts of hurt arise from?
Where do those feelings of hurt subside to?
There are thoughts of hurt and there are feelings of hurt; but who is it that is hurting?
Who is that "I"?
Be gentle in your allowing.
Be innocent in your friendship and love...
About the author
Michael Sean Symonds is a facilitator and self-published author of A Path of Relationship, 1998, and Zen Shredding, 2008. Both books are about Personal Growth and Spirituality. His training includes Polarity Therapy/counseling [1989], and Rebirthing [1991]. In 2001, he became a certified Primordial Sound Meditation instructor with Deepak Chopra and The Chopra Centre for Well Being.
Michael facilitates one-on-one and group explorations in personal growth, healing and consciousness. His intention: to mentor others through his creativity, teaching, speaking and writing; his desire: to elevate and ennoble the lives of others by inspiring them to nurture the wisdom of the Soul. His studies continue, based on the work of Stephen Wolinsky [ founder: Quantum Psychology ] and the late sage/seer Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj.
By Michael Sean Symonds
So much has been said of friendship and love that it seems on one level redundant to even write about it. In my own life I have found insight, understanding, awareness and suffering, as I engage the pursuit of its experience and the never ending conversations that occur around the dance of its expression.
Perhaps where there is loss and grieving around friendship and love, it is only then that we seek a deeper level of its understanding, meaning, expression, need and purpose in life? Perhaps a hunger or desperation inside guides and motivates our behaviors in seeking, engaging and celebrating its expression; to continue to find deeper layers of its company within all our relations?
One thing is very clear; the greatest killer to love, whether it is in the friendship of another, or to the companion we may call our "significant other", is the attitude with which we bring or develop. How do we show up in friendship and love? Do we look for and focus on "what is wrong" with its expression or do we inquire and explore as to "what might be missing" within its potential? Do we pursue an imagined possibility or do we shrink from a shadow of doubt that may exist within our mind? Do we risk exposing our inner most thoughts and fears with the hope that in that exposure, we will be seen, heard, and embraced for Who We Are, or do we hide pieces of ourselves that will only, ever, continue to be shrouded in the shadow of past pain or unresolved emotion that has anchored itself to our heart? Are we willing to risk the unknown territory of its experience or will we retreat to the confines of a conditioned mind and heart? Do we force this relationship to fit into a box like any or all previous boxes, or do we allow the gift of its presence to be wrapped and unfolded, uniquely, originally, unconditionally?
A common thread within our existence is that we often suffer greatly as we stumble in the pursuit of friendship and love. There appears to be a rhythm and flow to friendship and love, and to find another, a friend or lover who rapports to and with the rhythm and flow of our own pace appears to be both the challenge and the ideal. When it happens though, when friendship or love does occur, a priceless magic can be experienced in the moment as one Soul connects to another; as a bond is established on the deepest of unseen, non verbal levels.
The actress Bridget Nielsen once said:
"the love story is always the same; I keep finding myself a step ahead or a step behind..."
I am no expert in this dance; I have fallen in friendship AND in love, more times than not. As a witness though, and an often unwilling participant in the "search" for friendship and love, I have made a few observations while on this path; a few insights which I share with you now; 7 reasons why love hurts...
1) Expectation: Expectation of any kind kills the present moment. When you can show up without expectation, you can be in the present moment; you can navigate the ebb and flow of the present moment. If you're mind is busy, fixated on the past, or imagining a particular future, how can you ever hope to respond to the rhythm and flow of the moment? How can you touch, taste, feel, see or hear the pulse of friendship or love in this present moment now?
The present moment is going to happen and it will happen with, or without your attention or permission. When your attention is on the present moment, when it is freed from the fear of the past, or the seduction of a particular future expectation, you will be available to the present moment; you will navigate the present moment. You will thrive in the present moment, and be able to receive the gift of-the-present, in-this-momentary-now.
For every expectation there is a hidden need. We are distracted and deceived when we only focus on the expectation and not the need. When we can become aware of our own needs we will be less inclined to project those needs onto another; in friendship or in love. When we are clear of which needs are of importance while also surrendering those that have little or no value, we will be once again be free to show up without the influence of an unconscious, agenda.
2) Vulnerability: Vulnerability is the naked direct experience and expression of who and what we are in the moment, without judgment, evaluation or significance being placed on that experience or that expression of the moment. When we can express ourselves freely, honestly, in this present moment now, without the fear of being judged or evaluated by our self or another, there will be intimacy. Intimacy is an invitation; in-to-me-see, now.
The practice of Being vulnerable in the moment requires great courage. We don't "do" vulnerability; we are vulnerable or we are not. Where there is courage there is also freedom; freedom to express one self with or in spite of the judgments or evaluations that may or may not be present in self or another. In the vulnerability of this moment, in the blatant honesty of this moment, there is a chance for the demise or consummation of that friendship or love; will it flicker out like a candle in the wind, or will it foster a new level of trust, understanding, compassion and love within that relationship? Will you risk the unmasking of a false self in order to reveal your true Self?
When we swim in the vulnerability of the moment; when we give and are received completely and unconditionally in that moment, hearts can open. Minds can be freed of one thousand illusions, emotions can be transformed from a source pain and suffering into the innocence of Being. In this vulnerability, in this receiving, a space can be created for deeper levels of our inner Being to be experienced and expressed for both the speaker and the listener. In this moment, there is the potential for the speaker and the listener to merge, to become One.
3) Fear: Fear is a projection of the past or imagined future onto the present moment. As long as we are in our story of "what is going on" or "what could go on", we will be an unwilling subject to fear. In fact it's safe to say that all "adverse emotions" that bind and restrict the flow of friendship or love, can only exist while we are in a story.
As long as we are in our story; as long as we continue to act out from a story, we will NOT be in the present moment. This of course can be perfectly ok, if you are willing to be vulnerable, or if you've been blessed with a listener, a friend, or a lover, who is willing to receive you as you are.
There are times in life when the burden of our story becomes overwhelming, when it will overshadow our ability to simply show up, and Be present. While we may not be aware of this fact and the impact of our story in its ability to overshadow the present moment, most, are very familiar with its experience when it takes the form of overwhelm, where we suffer.
Our story is who we imagine ourselves to be. It combines memories of our past with our perception of who we are in the present moment. It is the assumption and meaning we give to self and the experiences that appear to occur to self, after they have occurred. It is a very personal, self engendered, tainted narration that is filtered through the mind. It is a subjective version of reality that we call "my story" and "my life".
The story can only exist in our mind; it can only exist in the past. It takes the form of memories, associations, perceptions, ideas, notions, thoughts, feelings, beliefs and conclusions that arise out of the narration we give to all experience. Our story is based on how we see ourselves, how we see the world, and how we imagine the world see's us. When we live in the story, we live in the projections of "why me?", "how come?", "it should", "you should", "they should" and "we should". We lose ourselves in a conversation of: "if only", "what if", "it was", "may be", "when I", "when he", "when she" and "when they". We lose ourselves in the justification of a narrative based on "why".
The seduction of the story lies in its ability to provide us with "an out", a story line that is based on a dichotomy. If the story is labeled "bad" then we can also have the possibility of "good". If there is "lack" there is also a chance for "prosperity", and if there is "sadness" there is always a chance for greater levels of "happiness". This is the nature of the story; it is based on the coexistence of opposites: if there is "a down" there must also be an "up"; and you know how much we want, need, and desire the "ups" of our story in life? The degree to which we identify with our story is the degree to which we will suffer.
Much of the pain and suffering we experience in our story is a result of the meanings we give to our story. We fail to realize that at some level, any meaning can be given to any story. Detachment and freedom occur when there is a realization that we can have an experience without giving it a story; without interpreting or assigning our experience with a narration or meaning that can only come from the mind and the assumptions made by a blind, mind. We need to avoid at all costs the story our mind may presently be spinning, where we will only, ever, get caught up in the conspiracy of its conjecture and illusion.
Freedom occurs when we come to a place in awareness where no meaning is given to any experience. Without meaning, there can be no story, when there is no story, there will be no suffering. We can be in the story, but not of it.
So, how do you see yourself?
How do you see the world?
And, how do you think the world see's you?
4) Acceptance: It was never about understanding. Understanding was, is, and will always be, the boo-bee prize; a necessary guest that always arrives late, to the mind. Where there is acceptance, there is love; what more would one need or want as a foundation to any friendship or love?
Awareness is the purest form of acceptance; where the totality of what is, is. Where there is awareness there is spontaneous, inner acceptance; there is response to the ebb and flow of the moment. Where there is awareness all external acceptance or not, becomes secondary; icing on the cake.
Acceptance thrives in awareness; it takes the form of witnessing what is. When you witness what is, there is total acceptance without reason or justification. In the innocence of awareness you are, and all is. While the mind may need to calculate the "whys" and "wherefore's" of being; awareness as acceptance, celebrates the moment as it is, without judgment, without evaluation, without significance. In awareness the value of acceptance is elevated by spontaneous compassion, effortless understanding, and unbounded Being. In awareness there is no cognition of "this" or "that". In awareness, there is the simplicity and freedom of Being.
5) Attention: When we give something our attention it will flourish and thrive, when we withdraw our attention it will wither and die. Friendship and love can only exist in this present moment now.
Where is your attention?
If your attention is on the past, you will also be in the past. If your attention is on fear, you will also be in fear. If your attention is on doubt, you will also be in doubt. If your attention is on this present moment now; there can only be love.
Where is your attention, now?
Is it lost in a memory of the past?
Is it overwhelmed by the story of who you imagine yourself to be?
Perhaps it is seduced by the distraction, fantasy, or romance, of what might be?
Is your attention placed "out there" into the foreground of your worldly experience, or does it settle gently into the quiet, still, background of Being?
There is great freedom and power in the quality of your attention. When your attention is in the present moment and your mind is not clouded by unimportant things, you are free to navigate the day to day circumstance of your life. You are free to simply Be.
The quality of your attention is affected by objects of your attention. When your attention is anchored to the background of Being, it enables you to witness what is; without judgment, without evaluation, without significance. When your attention is anchored to the background of Being ~ the One who is Being attentive; your attention will spontaneously illuminate what is vital, necessary, and relevant to the elevation and evolution of your life and the friendship or love that exists or could exist, in this present moment now.
If your attention is scattered, distracted by form and phenomena, distracted by the circumstances or experiences that lie in the foreground of your life, your attention will be bound. Your attention will fixate on unimportant details and you will swim in the delusion of your mind and the distracting thoughts that appear as that mind.
Attention energizes and activates the objects of your attention. It gives life to the objects of your attention. Anything that has a beginning, middle, and ending is an object, including something as subtle as your thoughts or feelings. Your body/mind is an object; everything contained within your world is an object. Your ideas of friendship and love are also concepts; subjective ideas that exist in time and space. They are transient in nature, they come and go. This narration is also concept: it has a beginning, middle, and an end. Will you highlight the transient, bound objects with your attention, or will you highlight the infinite, eternal, unbound, background of your Being?
When your attention is focused, anchored to the background of Being, you will simultaneously be fully absorbed, awake, and aware, to the present moment now. You will not be distracted by obstacles, which can only, ever, exist in the foreground of your life experience or mind. Quiet attention, gathers and informs, organizes and orchestrates what is. In the stillness of attention; when you are standing still in attention, you have access to energy and information which can inform Who You Are and who you will Be. With attention, any relationship will flourish; without attention, it will wither and die.
6) Listening: We all want to be heard; deeply. We all want someone to listen to our story; to be a witness to our story, in spite of our story. Can you listen without assumption? Can you listen without judgment, evaluation or significance? Can you Be present in your listening: to my sadness and pain; to my purpose and joys; to my fears and delusions; to my hopes and dreams? In friendship or love, are you ready and willing to be present in your listening, with what is, what was, and what might be? In your attentive listening, can you celebrate and honor the humanity of my life and the humility of your own?
When we listen innocently with intention, we create the space for acceptance to unfold. To give complete attention to a friend or lover, by listening attentively is to give one the opportunity to be heard; perhaps for the very first time. It is a gift. It is a precious gift of unconditional love. In friendship and in love, the power of attentive listening can transform and heal. When you listen, you provide affirmation, validation, and appreciation. In your attentive listening, you demonstrate: commitment, care, concern and compassion. In your taking the time to listen; in your making the time to listen, you give and receive the gift that lies within listening. In your listening you find a common, neutral ground; you find your own humanity and the humanity of another; you momentarily share a vision of what is, creating the space for what can potentially Be.
7) There are many "reasons" why love hurts. The greatest of all reasons is that love can only hurt where there is already hurting. The most painful of all hurts is to acknowledge and accept; to realize that the hurt that you are feeling appears to exist within you. The perceived wound of hurt lies in the heart and awareness of the one who is hurting. What is "outside" can only, ever, reinforce what is perceived to be "inside". The same hurt you see or feel in another will reinforce and affirm the symptoms of a deeper wound of hurt that lies within you. It's a perceived wound, so deep and familiar; an experience and memory so real, that you will believe it's you. You will identify "it", as "you".
You are not your hurt. You are not the one who is hurting. Prior to the word hurt; you are. During the perceived wounding of hurt, you are, and after the hurting, you will Be. To be free from hurt, the imagined "you" must shift its attention from the wound of hurt, to the One who is observing or witnessing that hurt. "You" must shift "your" attention from the foreground of "your" life experience where the hurting occurs, to the background of Being which lies beyond all hurt.
You must witness the wound of hurt from the background of Being, not the foreground of hurt, in order to realize that you are not the hurt; nor, are you the hurting. You must innocently identify with the peace that lies in the essence of Being; that exists before, during, and after the hurt, to know that you are the peace of Being, and not the hurt or the hurting.
The violence of hurt will happen on "you" or "to another", but the hurt always lies in the mind and heart of the one who is hurting. The One who is observing the hurt was there before the hurt. The One who is witnessing the hurt will always be present when there appears to be hurt, and the One who is aware, will be always be there for every progressive moment after the hurt has occurred.
Hurt happens "on you", not "to you", or "in you". As long as you continue to identify yourself as, with, or to the "hurt", the "you" you imagine yourself to be will suffer. If your attention is on the hurt, you will see hurt, feel hurt, think hurt and believe in hurt. You will be the hurt. Hurt is a story that you give attention, meaning and life to. As long as there is a story, there will be hurt. If you pull your attention from the story of hurt to the background of Being, you will be free to Be. The bound becomes un-bound; what presently appears vincible becomes invincible.
There are times in life where you may appear to experience hurt beyond measure; the kind of hurt that makes you imagine, believe and feel you are irreplaceably broken inside. It will feel as though priceless parts of your Being have been stolen, or even died inside; forever lost to the ash of an experience or memory of what was, is, or might have been. In those moments where friendship or love seems absent, when it seems to hurt the most, you might be tempted to focus on the story of hurt only.
The greatest hurt, lies in the story you subsequently create around your perceived hurt. It lies in the thoughts, memories, emotions, perceptions and associations that arise out of your story of hurt. Hurt lives in the story of hurt; hurt thrives in the story of hurt. The story of your hurt will become more dangerous than any survived event could ever possibly be. You will suffer more in the story of your hurt than you ever possibly could do, in the experience of hurt. Hurt as an experience, has a beginning, middle and ending. The story of hurt can live on forever in the minds and hearts of the hurting.
The stories we tell ourselves about the perception of hurt and who we are, can morph into dishonest betrayals to our Being. They can become selectively edited and sanitized versions of reality; something we subjectively believe to be true. The danger in the allegations of our story is what we decide, assume, and believe about the experiences we have, that become our stories, which we then identify to and with. As we lose our attention to the details of our story, we forsake and abandon Being for the mis-beliefs and lies we tell ourselves.
In our stories we pretend and we imagine, we fear and we judge, we assume and we minimize Who We Are for what we imagine ourselves to be. We distort what is, and create a version of reality that perpetuates the deepest conclusions, illusions and delusions we have about a self that lives and breathes in our day to day existence. What is inferred and implied in those stories become the foundation of agreements that we then live our life to. We derail and deny the existence of Being for the sake of an agreement we made to our story of self, and we suffer.
While the story may justify; while it may allow us to cope, it will only, ever, provide a false sense of security and perceived strength from the perceived chaos of the moment or past experience. The loss of attention to Being only amplifies the loss of equanimity within our lives; impersonal Being is substituted for a very personal philosophy: the mythology of an "I".
All stories are acquired. We gather and adopt all hurt. The story of hurt is an internal commitment; an agreement that was made. Do we question and confront these stories? Do we examine the agreements we have made? Do we investigate the lies we tell ourselves? Will the legacy of your life be a story, or will it be the discovery and truth of Being?
You are so much more than your perceived hurt. You are so much more than the perceived story of your hurting. If you want to keep on hurting then allow yourself to stay focused on the story of why you are hurting. If you want to elevate the wound of hurting, let the mind focus and fester; let it harbor on the details of those hurts that have become your story, that you imagine yourself to be.
If you want to move beyond hurt, you will need to shift your attention from the story of the one who appears to be hurting, to the background of your Being. In Being, you will find freedom from hurt. In Being, you will once again be reminded of the peace that you were and are, before the hurting began. The "you" that you imagined yourself to be, will be replaced by a "you", you could never have possibly imagined. In Being there is no hurt. In Being there can be no hurting. When you are in the present moment, there is no story and there is no hurt. The story of hurt must disappear; the one who is hurting must also disappear.
The story of friendship and love appears to be always the same, you might find yourself a step behind, or even imagine yourself to be a step ahead, but the potential and possibility always exists that you will on occasion step outside the "up" and the "down" of its quest, to find the magic of what can Be.
Are you hurting in friendship or love?
The feeling of hurt is learned and there is always something to unlearn, in order to free yourself from that hurting.
Who came first, you or the hurt?
Until then, be gentle with your self. Be kind to yourself; and if you are hurting you can trust that with a little attention, that unknown part of yourself will become available to play its greatest role; to move you from that perceived hurt of experience, into happiness. To move the you you imagine yourself to be, beyond the experience of happiness, into the bliss of Being.
Until then, you might want to allow? There is something very precious in the field of allowing; something innocent, and something very, very, life affirming. Allowing nurtures, it embraces, encourages and elevates all contained within the spectrum of its comfort and light. Allowing, expresses the deepest aspects of our Being were body and mind, heart and Spirit, become One; where we can celebrate the moment of now, with the Spirit of yes.
As we allow; in our natural allegiance to allowing, the mechanics of a dualistic mind come to an end. In the spontaneous expression of allowing we abandon judgment; the mind and its notions are relegated to mere proposition. In allowing, we withdraw our attention from premature, cognitive, commitments. We withdraw our attention from ideas and philosophies that have no place in Being; that are not needed for the cultivation, experience or expression of Being.
In allowing; the experience and expression of our essence can percolate through the perceived obstacles to friendship and love; through the struggles, the hurts, the strife the gains and losses of friendship and love. In allowing; our essence can move from its marginalized position in the background of our awareness, to become the innocence that lives in the foreground of our awareness. It will thrive, to become our awareness.
Notice or observe "your" experience of hurt...
What observer is observing that hurt?
Where do those thoughts of hurt arise from?
Where do those feelings of hurt subside to?
There are thoughts of hurt and there are feelings of hurt; but who is it that is hurting?
Who is that "I"?
Be gentle in your allowing.
Be innocent in your friendship and love...
About the author
Michael Sean Symonds is a facilitator and self-published author of A Path of Relationship, 1998, and Zen Shredding, 2008. Both books are about Personal Growth and Spirituality. His training includes Polarity Therapy/counseling [1989], and Rebirthing [1991]. In 2001, he became a certified Primordial Sound Meditation instructor with Deepak Chopra and The Chopra Centre for Well Being.
Michael facilitates one-on-one and group explorations in personal growth, healing and consciousness. His intention: to mentor others through his creativity, teaching, speaking and writing; his desire: to elevate and ennoble the lives of others by inspiring them to nurture the wisdom of the Soul. His studies continue, based on the work of Stephen Wolinsky [ founder: Quantum Psychology ] and the late sage/seer Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj.
By Michael Sean Symonds
Monday, July 13, 2009
Love Triggers - Know What Makes Men Tick
By Tina L. Jones
What are the most powerful love triggers in the dating game? What makes men tick? Is it possible to develop a personality that any man would love? It's entirely possible to become a woman that men would love to spend time with, but you'll need to keep these love triggers in mind before you can take the first step.
#1 - Have a great personality.
Having good looks is okay, since it grabs attention and opens the door for men to walk up and talk to you. But to capitalize on the situation, you'll need a great personality. Too many good-looking women turn men off simply because they don't know how to talk about anything besides themselves.
Try to be funny, confident, and independent. Learn to talk about bigger things in life, such as current events, his situation, and your own dreams. Men love women who can carry a great conversation, and would love to take such women out on dates often.
#2 - Don't just talk to anyone.
When you walk into the dating game, it's a good idea to know the kinds of men you like to meet. Don't be like most women who'd date just about anyone, hoping they'll get lucky and find someone who's also desperate for a relationship.
Decide who you want to meet. Do you like smart men? Good-looking men? Businessmen? A woman who's selective with the men she dates is very attractive, and is a definite love trigger.
#3 - Don't rush into a relationship.
The third love trigger is a woman who takes her time to develop a more solid emotional foundation for the relationship. Too many women rush into relationships, which give them the unflattering image of being needy and dependent. Be the opposite of this, and men will definitely notice you.
Imagine what if you could make any man adore you, chase you, love you, and commit to you? Click Unforgettable Woman Advice and learn 77 Secrets that ninety percent of women have never heard. You have got to see this!
This article is contributed by Tina Jones. Tina is part of the Unforgettable Woman Publishing Team. She works together with founder Alexandra Fox and writes dating/relationship articles for women who want to understand male psychology, how to attract men, and find true love. You can find more about Unforgettable Woman Publishing by visiting their website.
By Tina L. Jones
What are the most powerful love triggers in the dating game? What makes men tick? Is it possible to develop a personality that any man would love? It's entirely possible to become a woman that men would love to spend time with, but you'll need to keep these love triggers in mind before you can take the first step.
#1 - Have a great personality.
Having good looks is okay, since it grabs attention and opens the door for men to walk up and talk to you. But to capitalize on the situation, you'll need a great personality. Too many good-looking women turn men off simply because they don't know how to talk about anything besides themselves.
Try to be funny, confident, and independent. Learn to talk about bigger things in life, such as current events, his situation, and your own dreams. Men love women who can carry a great conversation, and would love to take such women out on dates often.
#2 - Don't just talk to anyone.
When you walk into the dating game, it's a good idea to know the kinds of men you like to meet. Don't be like most women who'd date just about anyone, hoping they'll get lucky and find someone who's also desperate for a relationship.
Decide who you want to meet. Do you like smart men? Good-looking men? Businessmen? A woman who's selective with the men she dates is very attractive, and is a definite love trigger.
#3 - Don't rush into a relationship.
The third love trigger is a woman who takes her time to develop a more solid emotional foundation for the relationship. Too many women rush into relationships, which give them the unflattering image of being needy and dependent. Be the opposite of this, and men will definitely notice you.
Imagine what if you could make any man adore you, chase you, love you, and commit to you? Click Unforgettable Woman Advice and learn 77 Secrets that ninety percent of women have never heard. You have got to see this!
This article is contributed by Tina Jones. Tina is part of the Unforgettable Woman Publishing Team. She works together with founder Alexandra Fox and writes dating/relationship articles for women who want to understand male psychology, how to attract men, and find true love. You can find more about Unforgettable Woman Publishing by visiting their website.
By Tina L. Jones
Make a Guy Fall in Love - Gain His Heart and Keep it For Good
By Tina L. Jones
Are you a girl who has what it takes to make a guy fall in love with her? How is it that some women are just magically able to make men chase after them? Would you love to gain that secret knowledge they have? Well, any girl can learn to make a guy fall in love with her. Keep reading for some guaranteed tips to gaining his heart.
Men sometimes act like all that they think about and care about is how a woman looks. It can be frustrating for the average girl to always feel that she is being compared to women in movies and magazines. But in reality, men want very similar things in partners that men do. Guess what your guy wants in order to make him fall in love?
First, he wants to be physically attracted to you. There is no getting around the fact that physical attraction is key to romantic attachment. It is not the most important thing, but it is important. The great thing is that you do not have to be a supermodel for your guy to think you are hot. You have some great assets, so learn how to flaunt them! Always try to look your best, stay healthy, and have a great attitude and he will be attracted to your looks.
Second, he wants to have a friend in you. That's right, life isn't always about romance and candlelight and love songs. Even men don't want a girl who thinks about nothing but sex all of the time. In the real world, we need to have partners that encourage us and support us and who we can trust as our best friends.
Third, he wants to have to work to impress you. Believe it or not, men aren't interested in women who will fall at their feet for nothing. Do you want to be told that you are loved by a guy you hardly know? Well, he doesn't either. Take time and don't offer yourself up to him. Let the relationship develop at a natural pace. It is easier to make a guy fall in love with you by holding back than by smothering him with your love.
Imagine what if you could make any man adore you, chase you, love you, and commit to you? Click Unforgettable Woman Advice and learn 77 Secrets that ninety percent of women have never heard. You have got to see this!
This article is contributed by Tina Jones. Tina is part of the Unforgettable Woman Publishing Team. She works together with founder Alexandra Fox and writes dating/relationship articles for women who want to understand male psychology, how to attract men, and find true love. You can find more about Unforgettable Woman Publishing by visiting their website.
By Tina L. Jones
Are you a girl who has what it takes to make a guy fall in love with her? How is it that some women are just magically able to make men chase after them? Would you love to gain that secret knowledge they have? Well, any girl can learn to make a guy fall in love with her. Keep reading for some guaranteed tips to gaining his heart.
Men sometimes act like all that they think about and care about is how a woman looks. It can be frustrating for the average girl to always feel that she is being compared to women in movies and magazines. But in reality, men want very similar things in partners that men do. Guess what your guy wants in order to make him fall in love?
First, he wants to be physically attracted to you. There is no getting around the fact that physical attraction is key to romantic attachment. It is not the most important thing, but it is important. The great thing is that you do not have to be a supermodel for your guy to think you are hot. You have some great assets, so learn how to flaunt them! Always try to look your best, stay healthy, and have a great attitude and he will be attracted to your looks.
Second, he wants to have a friend in you. That's right, life isn't always about romance and candlelight and love songs. Even men don't want a girl who thinks about nothing but sex all of the time. In the real world, we need to have partners that encourage us and support us and who we can trust as our best friends.
Third, he wants to have to work to impress you. Believe it or not, men aren't interested in women who will fall at their feet for nothing. Do you want to be told that you are loved by a guy you hardly know? Well, he doesn't either. Take time and don't offer yourself up to him. Let the relationship develop at a natural pace. It is easier to make a guy fall in love with you by holding back than by smothering him with your love.
Imagine what if you could make any man adore you, chase you, love you, and commit to you? Click Unforgettable Woman Advice and learn 77 Secrets that ninety percent of women have never heard. You have got to see this!
This article is contributed by Tina Jones. Tina is part of the Unforgettable Woman Publishing Team. She works together with founder Alexandra Fox and writes dating/relationship articles for women who want to understand male psychology, how to attract men, and find true love. You can find more about Unforgettable Woman Publishing by visiting their website.
By Tina L. Jones
Women Over 40 - Why It's Not Too Late For Love
By Joel Peter Vitug
In 1971, Carole King released the record of the year, It's Too Late. A classic standard, it has always resonated with women. It is a timeless song about falling in love, staying in love, and falling out of love.
Over 30 years later, women over 40 have grown up with the award-winning song. They have experienced love, worked hard for love, and sometimes, fallen out of it. However, unlike the song, it's never too late for women to find new love; or for those lucky enough to be in love, to improve current relationships.
Contrary to popular belief, at the wonderful age of 40, women do not have excess baggage; they have experience. Women who have reached this milestone have an understanding of life and its ups and downs, from the giddiness of falling in love for the first time to the heartbreak of letting go. Time and again, women over 40 have proven themselves more secure, more stable, and yes, more savvy at life and love.
The technology available for women over 40 has opened doors for new love that have never been available before. The Internet has made searching for new love easier than ever. From matchmaking sites to forums, from dating communities to missed connections, going online has given women over 40 wider playing fields. They now have bolder ways to connect and more chances to find relationships, whether stable, long-term attachments or instantaneous and fleeting acquaintances.
The online community has also provided one key element to women over 40 looking for love and looking to sustain and improve relationships: a network of experienced and knowledgeable women who share the same perspective of hope and optimism. Women over 40 are not over the hill. Rather, they are strong, successful, sensitive women who just happened to belong to a number.
Online communities and forums are great sounding boards for the frustrations of keeping the flame alive. Especially for women over 40 who are in committed, long-term relationships, forums are an easy and accessible way to narrate experiences, ask for opinion, and share relationship highs and lows to mentors and friends.
The current openness in society has also helped more mature women look past age as a number and define it as an attitude when dealing with new love and ongoing relationships. There is no more stigma attached to May-December relationships, and more and more women over 40 are now enjoying the same thrill of finding a new flame as if they were 20, except with a brighter and fresher perspective.
So who says women over 40 are too late? As a number, 40 is an age of maturity and perspective. Women now have greater freedom to select potential and sustain existing partners. As an attitude, 40 can be anywhere from 16 to 65, and the outlook all depends on how women over 40 see life and live life. The important thing is to connect with women of the same age, with whom one could share experience, advice, and inspiration.
The i40 Club is a community of women over 40, who, like all women of that age, have lived life and are now sharing advice, mentors, and tools to help other women at the same crossroad in their lives. Filled with information ranging from health, relationship, friendship, family, inspiration, to just plain funny resources, the i40 Club is relevant because the topics are chosen by women over 40 for women over 40.
By Joel Peter Vitug
In 1971, Carole King released the record of the year, It's Too Late. A classic standard, it has always resonated with women. It is a timeless song about falling in love, staying in love, and falling out of love.
Over 30 years later, women over 40 have grown up with the award-winning song. They have experienced love, worked hard for love, and sometimes, fallen out of it. However, unlike the song, it's never too late for women to find new love; or for those lucky enough to be in love, to improve current relationships.
Contrary to popular belief, at the wonderful age of 40, women do not have excess baggage; they have experience. Women who have reached this milestone have an understanding of life and its ups and downs, from the giddiness of falling in love for the first time to the heartbreak of letting go. Time and again, women over 40 have proven themselves more secure, more stable, and yes, more savvy at life and love.
The technology available for women over 40 has opened doors for new love that have never been available before. The Internet has made searching for new love easier than ever. From matchmaking sites to forums, from dating communities to missed connections, going online has given women over 40 wider playing fields. They now have bolder ways to connect and more chances to find relationships, whether stable, long-term attachments or instantaneous and fleeting acquaintances.
The online community has also provided one key element to women over 40 looking for love and looking to sustain and improve relationships: a network of experienced and knowledgeable women who share the same perspective of hope and optimism. Women over 40 are not over the hill. Rather, they are strong, successful, sensitive women who just happened to belong to a number.
Online communities and forums are great sounding boards for the frustrations of keeping the flame alive. Especially for women over 40 who are in committed, long-term relationships, forums are an easy and accessible way to narrate experiences, ask for opinion, and share relationship highs and lows to mentors and friends.
The current openness in society has also helped more mature women look past age as a number and define it as an attitude when dealing with new love and ongoing relationships. There is no more stigma attached to May-December relationships, and more and more women over 40 are now enjoying the same thrill of finding a new flame as if they were 20, except with a brighter and fresher perspective.
So who says women over 40 are too late? As a number, 40 is an age of maturity and perspective. Women now have greater freedom to select potential and sustain existing partners. As an attitude, 40 can be anywhere from 16 to 65, and the outlook all depends on how women over 40 see life and live life. The important thing is to connect with women of the same age, with whom one could share experience, advice, and inspiration.
The i40 Club is a community of women over 40, who, like all women of that age, have lived life and are now sharing advice, mentors, and tools to help other women at the same crossroad in their lives. Filled with information ranging from health, relationship, friendship, family, inspiration, to just plain funny resources, the i40 Club is relevant because the topics are chosen by women over 40 for women over 40.
By Joel Peter Vitug
Falling in Love Signs - Found Out If He's Already in Love With You Now!
By Mark H. Hamilton
Believe it or not, it's quite easy to detect fall in love signs - guys can get pretty predictable when they start to get totally into a girl. Of course, there are subtle signs that will keep you guessing - but these things add spice and more excitement to everything. So, to end your stress, here are the more obvious fall in love signs he may be sending right this very minute:
He checks up on you constantly. A guy in love will definitely find means to communicate with you - all the time. If he visits you, calls you or sends you text messages all day - he's definitely smitten.Attract boys more by playing a little hard to get - this will definitely drive them nuts - and more challenged for the feat.
He's always available 24/7. You want hangout and you let him know - and he's like an eager boy asking if you could meet up right way. Nothing can be a stronger fall in love sign. When a guy falls in love with you, he wants to be with you all the time and feels good when you're around. So watch out when he's always available - no matter what time of the day (or night!) it is.
He cracks a joke and teases you. Guys can be pretty nervous around girls when they've started to fall in love. And one way to ease the tension is by cracking a joke and teasing you nonstop. It's one outlet for them to grab your attention - as if looking for some sort of approval on your part. If he does, you have one lovesick dude right here wanting you to fall in love right back.
By Mark J. Hamilton
Believe it or not, it's quite easy to detect fall in love signs - guys can get pretty predictable when they start to get totally into a girl. Of course, there are subtle signs that will keep you guessing - but these things add spice and more excitement to everything. So, to end your stress, here are the more obvious fall in love signs he may be sending right this very minute:
He checks up on you constantly. A guy in love will definitely find means to communicate with you - all the time. If he visits you, calls you or sends you text messages all day - he's definitely smitten.Attract boys more by playing a little hard to get - this will definitely drive them nuts - and more challenged for the feat.
He's always available 24/7. You want hangout and you let him know - and he's like an eager boy asking if you could meet up right way. Nothing can be a stronger fall in love sign. When a guy falls in love with you, he wants to be with you all the time and feels good when you're around. So watch out when he's always available - no matter what time of the day (or night!) it is.
He cracks a joke and teases you. Guys can be pretty nervous around girls when they've started to fall in love. And one way to ease the tension is by cracking a joke and teasing you nonstop. It's one outlet for them to grab your attention - as if looking for some sort of approval on your part. If he does, you have one lovesick dude right here wanting you to fall in love right back.
By Mark J. Hamilton
Help! I Still Find My Ex Boyfriend Attractive
By Ozioma Ebirim
The art of falling in love is wonderful to those who are experiencing it. Some relationships could be described as heaven on earth. Everybody wishes for this type of union with a loved one but it is not always so. It takes a lot to build a lasting and loving relationship so it is always devastating when something that looked so real and unending falls apart. A breakup leaves a sour taste in the mouth and scars in its wake.
A breakup is not to say the least a very low time in someone's life. It paints a picture of an impossible situation without a ray of hope. However, even though it may seem like that, there is ALWAYS hope. Several ways abound in which you can have your love back. In as much as you could, you have to be careful because a lot of mistakes could be made along the way in your bid to perfect your act. Before you take this step, you may want to ask yourself whether or not you truly want him back and you need to make sure you avoid making some common mistakes. If you sincerely WANT your ex boyfriend back: *Resist the urge to call immediately after the breakup. *Do not BEG him to take you back. *Do not promise to fix everything and change for the better. *Do not try contacting him through email or text messages. *Try not to convince him you are the love of his life.
The above mentioned ways are not likely effective ways in getting your ex boyfriend back. This is so because soon after the breakup, the tension between the two of you is so thick that it would only take a sharp arrow or sword to break through meaning that anything you say or do could potentially make the situation worse than it already is.
It pays to have a proven plan or system in place in order to win back an ex boyfriend because it will help you avoid making common mistakes while at the same time suggesting correct steps to move forward to get your ex-boyfriend back.Getting your ex back at all cost is the smartest and wisest decision you can make. There is nothing to be ashamed of after all, what is life if you cannot have fun whenever you wish?
By Ozioma Ebirim
The art of falling in love is wonderful to those who are experiencing it. Some relationships could be described as heaven on earth. Everybody wishes for this type of union with a loved one but it is not always so. It takes a lot to build a lasting and loving relationship so it is always devastating when something that looked so real and unending falls apart. A breakup leaves a sour taste in the mouth and scars in its wake.
A breakup is not to say the least a very low time in someone's life. It paints a picture of an impossible situation without a ray of hope. However, even though it may seem like that, there is ALWAYS hope. Several ways abound in which you can have your love back. In as much as you could, you have to be careful because a lot of mistakes could be made along the way in your bid to perfect your act. Before you take this step, you may want to ask yourself whether or not you truly want him back and you need to make sure you avoid making some common mistakes. If you sincerely WANT your ex boyfriend back: *Resist the urge to call immediately after the breakup. *Do not BEG him to take you back. *Do not promise to fix everything and change for the better. *Do not try contacting him through email or text messages. *Try not to convince him you are the love of his life.
The above mentioned ways are not likely effective ways in getting your ex boyfriend back. This is so because soon after the breakup, the tension between the two of you is so thick that it would only take a sharp arrow or sword to break through meaning that anything you say or do could potentially make the situation worse than it already is.
It pays to have a proven plan or system in place in order to win back an ex boyfriend because it will help you avoid making common mistakes while at the same time suggesting correct steps to move forward to get your ex-boyfriend back.Getting your ex back at all cost is the smartest and wisest decision you can make. There is nothing to be ashamed of after all, what is life if you cannot have fun whenever you wish?
By Ozioma Ebirim
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