Can a Marriage Survive an Affair

By Douglas Quinn

Sometimes couples find themselves asking each other "can our marriage survive an affair?" And that is a difficult question to answer. There are so many factors that are involved in determining if a marriage can work when an affair has caused waves within the marriage. It really depends on the couple and the circumstances that caused the affair. Did the husband go outside the marriage bed to look for a one night stand? Or did the wife start with holding sexual relations because of an illness or out of spite for her spouse. Or maybe the affair happened because the wife was weak, in mental anguish and was looking for something that her spouse could not provide her a warm shoulder to cry on.
When it comes down to the survival of a marriage, it does not matter if the action in question is an affair, financial woos or just plain discontent for each other. Every marriage can be repaired if both spouses are willing to start at square one and start rebuilding the marriage block by block.
Here are a few tips to help you rebuild your marriage
• Start communicating with each other. Sit down and start a conversation about the affair. Take turns talking by using an egg timer. If it is your turn to listen, do just that. Do not break in on the conversation to correct your spouse. Let them vent then you will get your turn after their 5 minutes is up. Keep the conversation smooth and calm. No finger pointing. Use this time to try to identify why the affair happened and how the both of you can make sure that it will never happen again.
• Forgive each other. This is the hardest part of the process, but it is the most important. How is your marriage going to be able to continue if there is no forgiveness? You can forgive without putting your trust on the table. Simply acknowledge that you understand why the affair happened and that you forgive your spouse. Your trust will need to be earned back slowly.
• Find the romance again. Now this can be the fun part of the process. Go out on dates and get to know each other again. Remember that you are both human and we all need some time to reconnect with our spouses. Work together to find that spark that the two of you once had for each other prior to your wedding day

By Douglas Quinn