Getting Married - Want to Or Have To?

By Daryl Campbell

If you are not careful you would get the funny idea that the entire country of Japan has gone konkatsu crazy. That is a term coined by writer Touko Shirakawa meaning that waiting for that special someone to come along and sweep you off your feet is not going to get it done. It requires konkatsu ; also known as marriage hunting.
Needless to say many in Japan took it to heart. As Akiko Fujita of Voice of America writes, "The term "konkatsu" has become so popular there is even a television drama named after it."
That word has also been a jackpot to the matchmaking industry which has been doing big business since the release of the book co-authored by Shirakawa: Marriage Hunting Era.
The timing as far as the Japanese government was concerned could not have been better. More people were staying single well into their late thirties. In fact the number has tripled since the nineteen eighties. That was not good news for a country with an already dwindling population.
It may not be a national craze in other parts of the world but many people can probably relate. There is a certain pressure about getting married which can come from external sources like family constantly asking when are you going to tie the knot.
Or the pressure may come from you. You see some of your long time friends getting engaged and while you are happy for them, there is that voice somewhere inside of you asking when is it going to be your turn.
Whether you subscribe to the romantic school of meeting your soul mate and living ever happily or not is a moot point. What is the issue is exactly why you want to get married. Is it:
1. Clocks
Are you telling yourself time is running out? That if you do not get married and soon then it will be too late? That's a lot of undue pressure to put on yourself.
It can also lead you down the path of settling for someone you know in your heart that you have no business being with. Another thing to keep in mind is what happens if you meet someone special after the deadline?
2. On The Bandwagon
A lot of people in Japan are getting in on the marriage hunting craze. It's not hard to guess that there are more than a few who are doing it because it seems like everyone else is doing it. No surprise there. We humans like to be a part of something.
You might be going thru a form of konkatsu on a smaller scale; namely everyone you know is getting married. Even people you have known for eons who swore they would uphold the honor of singlehood are now taking the plunge. Not being a part of something can make you that much more anxious to join the crowd.
3. Loneliness
Irregardless of whether your friends, family or coworkers are getting married, you are just tired of being by yourself. To some degree you may have relished it before. Going where you want and when you want with no one to answer too.
It was great; for awhile anyway. Now all the things you used to enjoy don't mean much unless you have someone to enjoy them with.
All the things listed are in no way trivial. They hold real meaning and carry a lot of weight to each individual. There's nothing wrong with that. But the point is that none of these reasons should be the driving force in the desire to get married.
No doubt the marriage hunting craze in Japan brings with it a lot of fun and excitement. But it's a good bet that many are feeling the strain

By Daryl Campbell