By Rebecca Perry
Breast size and weight are two issues women struggle with the most. Society has placed a great deal of emphasis on outward appearance. Differences in body types make us who we are. Some women feel uncomfortable with their weight or their bust size and that is perfectly natural. Confidence is a quality that makes us who we are. Many men say a confident woman is a sexy woman. When a woman isn't comfortable with her body, she doesn't display that air of confidence that attracts potential partners. Herbal remedies, hormone therapy and surgery are the three most popular ways to increase breast size and fullness.
Weight and Breast Size
Because of the amount of fatty tissue in the breast, when a woman loses weight she also loses some fullness in her bust. The opposite is generally true for a woman who gains weight. Unfortunately weight gain isn't the healthy way to increase bust size, and it doesn't always work as planned. Some women request hormone therapy as a more natural form of breast enhancement. Hormone levels have a great impact on breast size, shape and fullness. Hormone therapy often has other undesirable side effects that make it a less viable.
Surgical Breast Enhancement
Surgical enhancement is considered major surgery and should be considered very carefully. It is not covered by most major insurances because it is not considered a necessary surgery. Complications include infection, rupture and loss of sensation. About 16 percent of women who undergo surgery report complications. Of that 16 percent, 1 percent requires additional surgery to repair issues caused by the initial enhancement.
Natural Breast Enhancement
Sometimes surgery simply isn't the answer. Many women choose to use natural remedies in pill or cream form. Certain herbs have proven effective in their ability to increase the size and firmness of the breast. Used with consistency, herbal remedies provide very positive results. Herbs such as fenugreek are rich in substances that aid in the development of mammary glands. Fennel seed contains flavonoids that help repair and stimulate new tissue growth.
Other herbs such as black cohosh produce results similar to drugs used in hormone replacement therapy. Herbal remedies rarely produce harmful side effects. Even though they're considered a healthy alternative medicine, check with your doctor before using herbs to self treat. Always read the instructions printed on the bottle carefully. Even herbs run the risk of overdose, although it is a small risk.
Benefits of Natural Breast Enhancement
Unlike surgery, which is permanent whether good or bad, herbal enhancers are all natural and completely in your control. They allow you to control how many cup sizes you increase. Stop treatment when you feel you've reached the size you're comfortable with. Resume treatment at any time if you decide you want more fullness or even another cup size.
Remember, a confident woman is a sexy woman. When a woman looks and feels her best, she soars above the rest. The added benefits of herbal remedies allow a full-body transition, not just larger, fuller breasts. The results are permanent and newly formed tissue does not go away when you stop taking the supplement.
In addition to enhancing the size, shape and fullness of the breast, herbal remedies provide many more health benefits. Other benefits may include improved thyroid function, hormonal balancing, fewer menstrual problems and improved hair and nail growth. The overall benefits of natural breast enhancement as opposed to surgery are phenomenal.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Foods to Make Your Breasts Grow Bigger
By Jenny Bolton
Getting bigger breasts is a big wish for many women, but there's been a "mystery" surrounding it for many years. The reality is that making your breasts grow bigger is actually a lot easier than you might think. It's all to do with a hormone that every woman has in her body, and the foods that make that hormone grow your breasts for you...
The reason why some women have big breasts and some have small breasts is all down to a hormone inside us called Estrogen, and getting more of this hormone is the key to making your breasts grow bigger. You see, Estrogen is a natural hormone which gives us all our womanly features. It's the single most important factor in a woman's body, which makes us develop breasts and have a menstrual cycle, etc.
The reason why I'm talking about Estrogen is because it's this hormone which decides how much our breasts grow. In lamens terms, it's like a "magic formula" which tells your brain to grow boobs when you are 13 and to stop growing them when you're 15-18. But unfortunately for many women, Estrogen told your brain to stop growing your breasts before they were as big as you would like... meaning that they now seem to be underdeveloped or small.
Fixing this is actually very simple. After puberty stopped your breasts growing, it just left enough Estrogen to keep your breasts the same size for the rest of your adult life. To make your breasts grow again, you simply need to eat the foods which are going to introduce a lot more estrogen into your body, telling your brain to make your breasts start growing again.
Luckily, Estrogen is a naturally occurring substance, which is present in many foods. Soy-based foods, herbs such as sage and rosemary, and even fruits such as oranges, contain enough natural Estrogen to make your breasts grow up to 1-2 cup sizes. However, you can't just eat all these foods and hope your boobs will grow. You need to eat them in a certain amount each day in order for there to be no unwanted side effects.
Getting bigger breasts is a big wish for many women, but there's been a "mystery" surrounding it for many years. The reality is that making your breasts grow bigger is actually a lot easier than you might think. It's all to do with a hormone that every woman has in her body, and the foods that make that hormone grow your breasts for you...
The reason why some women have big breasts and some have small breasts is all down to a hormone inside us called Estrogen, and getting more of this hormone is the key to making your breasts grow bigger. You see, Estrogen is a natural hormone which gives us all our womanly features. It's the single most important factor in a woman's body, which makes us develop breasts and have a menstrual cycle, etc.
The reason why I'm talking about Estrogen is because it's this hormone which decides how much our breasts grow. In lamens terms, it's like a "magic formula" which tells your brain to grow boobs when you are 13 and to stop growing them when you're 15-18. But unfortunately for many women, Estrogen told your brain to stop growing your breasts before they were as big as you would like... meaning that they now seem to be underdeveloped or small.
Fixing this is actually very simple. After puberty stopped your breasts growing, it just left enough Estrogen to keep your breasts the same size for the rest of your adult life. To make your breasts grow again, you simply need to eat the foods which are going to introduce a lot more estrogen into your body, telling your brain to make your breasts start growing again.
Luckily, Estrogen is a naturally occurring substance, which is present in many foods. Soy-based foods, herbs such as sage and rosemary, and even fruits such as oranges, contain enough natural Estrogen to make your breasts grow up to 1-2 cup sizes. However, you can't just eat all these foods and hope your boobs will grow. You need to eat them in a certain amount each day in order for there to be no unwanted side effects.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Foods to Make Your Breasts Grow Bigger
By Jenny Bolton
Getting bigger breasts is a big wish for many women, but there's been a "mystery" surrounding it for many years. The reality is that making your breasts grow bigger is actually a lot easier than you might think. It's all to do with a hormone that every woman has in her body, and the foods that make that hormone grow your breasts for you...
The reason why some women have big breasts and some have small breasts is all down to a hormone inside us called Estrogen, and getting more of this hormone is the key to making your breasts grow bigger. You see, Estrogen is a natural hormone which gives us all our womanly features. It's the single most important factor in a woman's body, which makes us develop breasts and have a menstrual cycle, etc.
The reason why I'm talking about Estrogen is because it's this hormone which decides how much our breasts grow. In lamens terms, it's like a "magic formula" which tells your brain to grow boobs when you are 13 and to stop growing them when you're 15-18. But unfortunately for many women, Estrogen told your brain to stop growing your breasts before they were as big as you would like... meaning that they now seem to be underdeveloped or small.
Fixing this is actually very simple. After puberty stopped your breasts growing, it just left enough Estrogen to keep your breasts the same size for the rest of your adult life. To make your breasts grow again, you simply need to eat the foods which are going to introduce a lot more estrogen into your body, telling your brain to make your breasts start growing again.
Luckily, Estrogen is a naturally occurring substance, which is present in many foods. Soy-based foods, herbs such as sage and rosemary, and even fruits such as oranges, contain enough natural Estrogen to make your breasts grow up to 1-2 cup sizes. However, you can't just eat all these foods and hope your boobs will grow. You need to eat them in a certain amount each day in order for there to be no unwanted side effects.
Getting bigger breasts is a big wish for many women, but there's been a "mystery" surrounding it for many years. The reality is that making your breasts grow bigger is actually a lot easier than you might think. It's all to do with a hormone that every woman has in her body, and the foods that make that hormone grow your breasts for you...
The reason why some women have big breasts and some have small breasts is all down to a hormone inside us called Estrogen, and getting more of this hormone is the key to making your breasts grow bigger. You see, Estrogen is a natural hormone which gives us all our womanly features. It's the single most important factor in a woman's body, which makes us develop breasts and have a menstrual cycle, etc.
The reason why I'm talking about Estrogen is because it's this hormone which decides how much our breasts grow. In lamens terms, it's like a "magic formula" which tells your brain to grow boobs when you are 13 and to stop growing them when you're 15-18. But unfortunately for many women, Estrogen told your brain to stop growing your breasts before they were as big as you would like... meaning that they now seem to be underdeveloped or small.
Fixing this is actually very simple. After puberty stopped your breasts growing, it just left enough Estrogen to keep your breasts the same size for the rest of your adult life. To make your breasts grow again, you simply need to eat the foods which are going to introduce a lot more estrogen into your body, telling your brain to make your breasts start growing again.
Luckily, Estrogen is a naturally occurring substance, which is present in many foods. Soy-based foods, herbs such as sage and rosemary, and even fruits such as oranges, contain enough natural Estrogen to make your breasts grow up to 1-2 cup sizes. However, you can't just eat all these foods and hope your boobs will grow. You need to eat them in a certain amount each day in order for there to be no unwanted side effects.
How to Get Bigger Breasts With No Surgery
By Rebecca Perry
Breast size and weight are two issues women struggle with the most. Society has placed a great deal of emphasis on outward appearance. Differences in body types make us who we are. Some women feel uncomfortable with their weight or their bust size and that is perfectly natural. Confidence is a quality that makes us who we are. Many men say a confident woman is a sexy woman. When a woman isn't comfortable with her body, she doesn't display that air of confidence that attracts potential partners. Herbal remedies, hormone therapy and surgery are the three most popular ways to increase breast size and fullness.
Weight and Breast Size
Because of the amount of fatty tissue in the breast, when a woman loses weight she also loses some fullness in her bust. The opposite is generally true for a woman who gains weight. Unfortunately weight gain isn't the healthy way to increase bust size, and it doesn't always work as planned. Some women request hormone therapy as a more natural form of breast enhancement. Hormone levels have a great impact on breast size, shape and fullness. Hormone therapy often has other undesirable side effects that make it a less viable.
Surgical Breast Enhancement
Surgical enhancement is considered major surgery and should be considered very carefully. It is not covered by most major insurances because it is not considered a necessary surgery. Complications include infection, rupture and loss of sensation. About 16 percent of women who undergo surgery report complications. Of that 16 percent, 1 percent requires additional surgery to repair issues caused by the initial enhancement.
Natural Breast Enhancement
Sometimes surgery simply isn't the answer. Many women choose to use natural remedies in pill or cream form. Certain herbs have proven effective in their ability to increase the size and firmness of the breast. Used with consistency, herbal remedies provide very positive results. Herbs such as fenugreek are rich in substances that aid in the development of mammary glands. Fennel seed contains flavonoids that help repair and stimulate new tissue growth.
Other herbs such as black cohosh produce results similar to drugs used in hormone replacement therapy. Herbal remedies rarely produce harmful side effects. Even though they're considered a healthy alternative medicine, check with your doctor before using herbs to self treat. Always read the instructions printed on the bottle carefully. Even herbs run the risk of overdose, although it is a small risk.
Benefits of Natural Breast Enhancement
Unlike surgery, which is permanent whether good or bad, herbal enhancers are all natural and completely in your control. They allow you to control how many cup sizes you increase. Stop treatment when you feel you've reached the size you're comfortable with. Resume treatment at any time if you decide you want more fullness or even another cup size.
Remember, a confident woman is a sexy woman. When a woman looks and feels her best, she soars above the rest. The added benefits of herbal remedies allow a full-body transition, not just larger, fuller breasts. The results are permanent and newly formed tissue does not go away when you stop taking the supplement.
In addition to enhancing the size, shape and fullness of the breast, herbal remedies provide many more health benefits. Other benefits may include improved thyroid function, hormonal balancing, fewer menstrual problems and improved hair and nail growth. The overall benefits of natural breast enhancement as opposed to surgery are phenomenal.
Breast size and weight are two issues women struggle with the most. Society has placed a great deal of emphasis on outward appearance. Differences in body types make us who we are. Some women feel uncomfortable with their weight or their bust size and that is perfectly natural. Confidence is a quality that makes us who we are. Many men say a confident woman is a sexy woman. When a woman isn't comfortable with her body, she doesn't display that air of confidence that attracts potential partners. Herbal remedies, hormone therapy and surgery are the three most popular ways to increase breast size and fullness.
Weight and Breast Size
Because of the amount of fatty tissue in the breast, when a woman loses weight she also loses some fullness in her bust. The opposite is generally true for a woman who gains weight. Unfortunately weight gain isn't the healthy way to increase bust size, and it doesn't always work as planned. Some women request hormone therapy as a more natural form of breast enhancement. Hormone levels have a great impact on breast size, shape and fullness. Hormone therapy often has other undesirable side effects that make it a less viable.
Surgical Breast Enhancement
Surgical enhancement is considered major surgery and should be considered very carefully. It is not covered by most major insurances because it is not considered a necessary surgery. Complications include infection, rupture and loss of sensation. About 16 percent of women who undergo surgery report complications. Of that 16 percent, 1 percent requires additional surgery to repair issues caused by the initial enhancement.
Natural Breast Enhancement
Sometimes surgery simply isn't the answer. Many women choose to use natural remedies in pill or cream form. Certain herbs have proven effective in their ability to increase the size and firmness of the breast. Used with consistency, herbal remedies provide very positive results. Herbs such as fenugreek are rich in substances that aid in the development of mammary glands. Fennel seed contains flavonoids that help repair and stimulate new tissue growth.
Other herbs such as black cohosh produce results similar to drugs used in hormone replacement therapy. Herbal remedies rarely produce harmful side effects. Even though they're considered a healthy alternative medicine, check with your doctor before using herbs to self treat. Always read the instructions printed on the bottle carefully. Even herbs run the risk of overdose, although it is a small risk.
Benefits of Natural Breast Enhancement
Unlike surgery, which is permanent whether good or bad, herbal enhancers are all natural and completely in your control. They allow you to control how many cup sizes you increase. Stop treatment when you feel you've reached the size you're comfortable with. Resume treatment at any time if you decide you want more fullness or even another cup size.
Remember, a confident woman is a sexy woman. When a woman looks and feels her best, she soars above the rest. The added benefits of herbal remedies allow a full-body transition, not just larger, fuller breasts. The results are permanent and newly formed tissue does not go away when you stop taking the supplement.
In addition to enhancing the size, shape and fullness of the breast, herbal remedies provide many more health benefits. Other benefits may include improved thyroid function, hormonal balancing, fewer menstrual problems and improved hair and nail growth. The overall benefits of natural breast enhancement as opposed to surgery are phenomenal.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
How To Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You
By Dr Kim.
A few days ago, I was flipping through an Oprah magazine that my wife borrowed from our public library when I came across a short piece on forgiveness by playwright and actor Tyler Perry.
Here's the part that I felt a strong connection to:
My father was a carpenter. He used his hands to pour concrete and hammer nails. He also used his hands to beat me.
I was a tall child, but sickly—I had asthma—and when I went to work with him, the sawdust made me cough. I preferred staying home, writing and drawing. I conjured up other worlds: worlds in which I didn't worry about being poor, in which I was someone else's child, a child who lived in a mansion and had a dog. My father—a man with a third-grade education who was orphaned at 2 and sent to work in the fields at 5—understood only the physical. He thought he could beat the softness out of me and make me hard like him.
When I was 21, I left my house in New Orleans and headed to Atlanta to be a playwright. I got a day job as a bill collector and scrimped and saved to put on my play I Know I've Been Changed— a musical about recovering from an abusive childhood. But even though I was writing about recovering, I wasn't doing it. Every day I felt angry and bitter and terribly lonely. I rarely dated, and if a woman told me she loved me, I headed for the door. My play bombed; 30 people came on opening weekend. I put it on the next year and the year after that, and each time, it bombed again. Finally, 28 years old, out of money and months behind on my rent, I started sleeping in my car. When the car broke down, I asked my father to cosign on a new one, as he had just done for my sister (the light-skinned sister he adored). When he refused, I forged his signature. And when the car got repossessed, he called me, yelling. Sitting in that little room I'd just scraped together enough money to rent, listening to him berate me, something snapped. Something dormant in me woke up, and I began to yell back.
I told him that he'd hated me since I was born, that I didn't deserve the things he'd done to me. Everything I'd ever felt or thought—even things I hadn't been aware of—came out. When I was done, the line was silent for a long time. And then, for the first time ever, my father said, "I love you."
After we hung up, I felt light, empty, and exhausted. I knew that I would never again look at my father in hurt or anger. But in a strange way, I also sensed that something had died. I sat crying for hours, as if I were in mourning. My energy source, my fight, the rage that had moved me every day—it was all gone.
Slowly but surely, I began to fuel my days with joy instead of fury. That year—call it coincidence, call it karma—my play sold out. Then it sold out again, and then again. I began to write new plays, and the theme of forgiveness runs through them all. It's simple: When you haven't forgiven those who've hurt you, you turn your back against your future. When you do forgive, you start walking forward.
I can't get over how powerful his last statement is:
When you haven't forgiven those who've hurt you, you turn your back against your future. When you do forgive, you start walking forward.
I understand and agree with the idea that forgiving others is more about your peace of mind then it is about their feelings. You don't have to make it known to those who have hurt you that you have forgiven them.
The issue is learning how to transcend the hurt, how to get to a place in your heart and mind where the hurt is no longer holding you back from fully caring for others and allowing yourself to be cared for by others.
Is it possible to truly forgive all transgressions?
How do you forgive someone who physically abused you when you were a child?
How do you forgive someone who raped you or a family member?
How do you forgive someone who spread vicious and humiliating lies about you?
How do you forgive parents who put their own needs and egos way ahead of your basic emotional needs as a child?
How do you forgive a parent who left you when you were young?
How do you forgive someone who has sucked the joy out of your life through his or her negative, hypocritical, phony, lazy, selfish, and ill-tempered behavior through decades of marriage?
Maybe complete forgiveness is impossible in some cases. Maybe hurt that you have encountered is so bad that you will suffer to some degree until you pass on because you will always be angry at the people who hurt you.
If you are determined to find a way to free yourself of the burden of chronic anger, no matter how badly you have been hurt, there is one powerful and effective exercise that I can recommend.
It's to sit or lie in a quiet place and imagine your tormentors as they were when they were babies or young children. Visualize these people one at a time, and really take time to feel the realities of their lives as toddlers.
Babies are not born with a distinct desire to hurt others physically or emotionally. They are born craving love and protection. Visualize what your tormentors were like when they did nothing but crave love and protection.
If you work at realizing how pure and innocent your tormentors once were, you may come to a point where it becomes clear that their hurtful acts as older children or adults likely stem from their own wounds.
If you know of another effective way of bringing yourself to forgive people who have hurt you badly, I would appreciate you sharing in the comments section below. Your thoughts on this topic may make a significant difference in another person's life.
A few days ago, I was flipping through an Oprah magazine that my wife borrowed from our public library when I came across a short piece on forgiveness by playwright and actor Tyler Perry.
Here's the part that I felt a strong connection to:
My father was a carpenter. He used his hands to pour concrete and hammer nails. He also used his hands to beat me.
I was a tall child, but sickly—I had asthma—and when I went to work with him, the sawdust made me cough. I preferred staying home, writing and drawing. I conjured up other worlds: worlds in which I didn't worry about being poor, in which I was someone else's child, a child who lived in a mansion and had a dog. My father—a man with a third-grade education who was orphaned at 2 and sent to work in the fields at 5—understood only the physical. He thought he could beat the softness out of me and make me hard like him.
When I was 21, I left my house in New Orleans and headed to Atlanta to be a playwright. I got a day job as a bill collector and scrimped and saved to put on my play I Know I've Been Changed— a musical about recovering from an abusive childhood. But even though I was writing about recovering, I wasn't doing it. Every day I felt angry and bitter and terribly lonely. I rarely dated, and if a woman told me she loved me, I headed for the door. My play bombed; 30 people came on opening weekend. I put it on the next year and the year after that, and each time, it bombed again. Finally, 28 years old, out of money and months behind on my rent, I started sleeping in my car. When the car broke down, I asked my father to cosign on a new one, as he had just done for my sister (the light-skinned sister he adored). When he refused, I forged his signature. And when the car got repossessed, he called me, yelling. Sitting in that little room I'd just scraped together enough money to rent, listening to him berate me, something snapped. Something dormant in me woke up, and I began to yell back.
I told him that he'd hated me since I was born, that I didn't deserve the things he'd done to me. Everything I'd ever felt or thought—even things I hadn't been aware of—came out. When I was done, the line was silent for a long time. And then, for the first time ever, my father said, "I love you."
After we hung up, I felt light, empty, and exhausted. I knew that I would never again look at my father in hurt or anger. But in a strange way, I also sensed that something had died. I sat crying for hours, as if I were in mourning. My energy source, my fight, the rage that had moved me every day—it was all gone.
Slowly but surely, I began to fuel my days with joy instead of fury. That year—call it coincidence, call it karma—my play sold out. Then it sold out again, and then again. I began to write new plays, and the theme of forgiveness runs through them all. It's simple: When you haven't forgiven those who've hurt you, you turn your back against your future. When you do forgive, you start walking forward.
I can't get over how powerful his last statement is:
When you haven't forgiven those who've hurt you, you turn your back against your future. When you do forgive, you start walking forward.
I understand and agree with the idea that forgiving others is more about your peace of mind then it is about their feelings. You don't have to make it known to those who have hurt you that you have forgiven them.
The issue is learning how to transcend the hurt, how to get to a place in your heart and mind where the hurt is no longer holding you back from fully caring for others and allowing yourself to be cared for by others.
Is it possible to truly forgive all transgressions?
How do you forgive someone who physically abused you when you were a child?
How do you forgive someone who raped you or a family member?
How do you forgive someone who spread vicious and humiliating lies about you?
How do you forgive parents who put their own needs and egos way ahead of your basic emotional needs as a child?
How do you forgive a parent who left you when you were young?
How do you forgive someone who has sucked the joy out of your life through his or her negative, hypocritical, phony, lazy, selfish, and ill-tempered behavior through decades of marriage?
Maybe complete forgiveness is impossible in some cases. Maybe hurt that you have encountered is so bad that you will suffer to some degree until you pass on because you will always be angry at the people who hurt you.
If you are determined to find a way to free yourself of the burden of chronic anger, no matter how badly you have been hurt, there is one powerful and effective exercise that I can recommend.
It's to sit or lie in a quiet place and imagine your tormentors as they were when they were babies or young children. Visualize these people one at a time, and really take time to feel the realities of their lives as toddlers.
Babies are not born with a distinct desire to hurt others physically or emotionally. They are born craving love and protection. Visualize what your tormentors were like when they did nothing but crave love and protection.
If you work at realizing how pure and innocent your tormentors once were, you may come to a point where it becomes clear that their hurtful acts as older children or adults likely stem from their own wounds.
If you know of another effective way of bringing yourself to forgive people who have hurt you badly, I would appreciate you sharing in the comments section below. Your thoughts on this topic may make a significant difference in another person's life.
Thoughts on Forgiving Someone Who Has Hurt You, by Myra Bailes
By Myra Bailes
I definitely agree that forgiveness is often more about freeing oneself from limiting, painful emotions than it is about releasing the person who hurt you from responsibility for their actions.
Many times the people who hurt others are so unconscious of their own inner processes that they will continue to behave in the same or similar ways throughout their lives. They are simply too damaged and too ignorant to be able to do what it takes to recover and become sane, caring human beings.
What I have experienced also, is that most people have so many layers and characteristics, some of which may all tend in the same direction, while others seem to work at cross purposes. The same person who actually does love and respect and care about you may also harbor tremendous anger, condescension, frustration, etc., and they may at times believe that you are responsible for their unpleasant emotions, and treat you accordingly.
Since you are also a human being with many layers and characteristics, your own inner fears and conflicts and unpleasant emotions may indeed have triggered their reactions toward you. While I would hesitate to say that all this emotional pain and confusion and unconsciousness is "normal," it is certainly so common that probably almost everyone experiences it at least to some degree.
So, what are the keys to unraveling this stuff so that we can all free ourselves from past trauma? I believe there are:
1. Commitment. Realize that you are important enough to deserve to recover and be free to give and receive affection and respect. Respect the pain and the power it has to teach you about yourself, about others, about life. And commit to not giving up to despair.
Commit to inner honesty, commit to continue working to free yourself, to open yourself to life.
2. Listen to what your dreams are trying to tell you. Your organism constantly seeks to heal itself on all levels.
Sometimes your dreams may speak of your anxiety, your grief. Contemplate the dream images on an emotional level and feel compassion toward yourself. Other times your dreams may show you a tremendous beauty, love, peace, joy. This type of dream indicates that you do indeed still have all of this inside of you, trying to manifest in your life. Acknowledge this message by consciously assisting your inner joy, love, peace, and beauty to find active expression in your waking life.
3. Forgive yourself and don't get caught up in remorse. Feel it, but don't be attached to it. Remorse should be your loving teacher--no matter how painful the memories--but not your slavemaster or torturer. By and by, as you learn to forgive yourself, the forgiveness towards others--and towards the hardships of life in general--will also develop.
4. Don't expect "perfection." Forgiveness usually isn't an all-or-nothing, once-and-forever phenomenon. The only real perfection lies in transcendence, in universal consciousness, toward which each being, through the power of life itself, unceasingly attempts to move. Every time an inner barrier dissolves, rejoice and breathe! You have passed a milestone, but the journey is not over!
5. Try to understand the personality and emotional components of your relationships with other people.
Learn to be your own emotional detective. Your feelings can be valuable clues, both to your own inner self as well as to the personality and emotions of other people. Understood in this light, your relationships can teach you many valuable lessons.
Sometimes the lesson might be, "I need to understand, love, and respect myself more". Other times it might be, "This is a person with whom I should not be in a close relationship."
Respect your intuition and understanding and act accordingly, focusing on taking the best possible care of yourself--not on negative emotions or actions towards the other person.
6. Don't be in a hurry. If you tend to "fall in love at first sight" and then soon find that Mr. or Ms. Right isn't so right after all, even might be someone who is going to hurt you a lot, consciously try to slow it down! Why are you in such a big hurry? Is it because you are so desperate for affection that you are forgetting to first find out if this person is actually worthy of a close relationship with you?
Respect your need for affection first of all by respecting your right to personal safety and well-being. If you love and respect yourself, you will know more about what to look for in others, and more apt to find relationships with people who truly love and respect you. So don't be in a hurry. Take your time, be observant, and choose your friends and "significant others" carefully and consciously.
7. Sometimes a sense of humor can come to the rescue! I know people who gush at me when they see me. These same people, however, do nothing to create or maintain a friendship with me. They never call me, never invite me to their house, do not return my phone calls or respond to my e-mails. Yes, I've felt angry at them sometimes. I resent their apparent shallowness. But hey, there's nothing that says I have to build my emotional satisfaction around these people! If that's how they are or how they want to be, who am I to try to change them? Essentially they are harmless, they are not out there killing and maiming, cheating and stealing; they are just a little flighty and insincere. They've just wounded my vanity a little bit. Big deal! And then I laugh at the absurdity of it all. It's like the James Thurber cartoon where it shows a zillion people all rushing to and fro along a busy street going past a cemetery. The only text is "Destinations." So I just appreciate myself a bit, and giggle. In the end, we're all going to the same place anyway!
I definitely agree that forgiveness is often more about freeing oneself from limiting, painful emotions than it is about releasing the person who hurt you from responsibility for their actions.
Many times the people who hurt others are so unconscious of their own inner processes that they will continue to behave in the same or similar ways throughout their lives. They are simply too damaged and too ignorant to be able to do what it takes to recover and become sane, caring human beings.
What I have experienced also, is that most people have so many layers and characteristics, some of which may all tend in the same direction, while others seem to work at cross purposes. The same person who actually does love and respect and care about you may also harbor tremendous anger, condescension, frustration, etc., and they may at times believe that you are responsible for their unpleasant emotions, and treat you accordingly.
Since you are also a human being with many layers and characteristics, your own inner fears and conflicts and unpleasant emotions may indeed have triggered their reactions toward you. While I would hesitate to say that all this emotional pain and confusion and unconsciousness is "normal," it is certainly so common that probably almost everyone experiences it at least to some degree.
So, what are the keys to unraveling this stuff so that we can all free ourselves from past trauma? I believe there are:
1. Commitment. Realize that you are important enough to deserve to recover and be free to give and receive affection and respect. Respect the pain and the power it has to teach you about yourself, about others, about life. And commit to not giving up to despair.
Commit to inner honesty, commit to continue working to free yourself, to open yourself to life.
2. Listen to what your dreams are trying to tell you. Your organism constantly seeks to heal itself on all levels.
Sometimes your dreams may speak of your anxiety, your grief. Contemplate the dream images on an emotional level and feel compassion toward yourself. Other times your dreams may show you a tremendous beauty, love, peace, joy. This type of dream indicates that you do indeed still have all of this inside of you, trying to manifest in your life. Acknowledge this message by consciously assisting your inner joy, love, peace, and beauty to find active expression in your waking life.
3. Forgive yourself and don't get caught up in remorse. Feel it, but don't be attached to it. Remorse should be your loving teacher--no matter how painful the memories--but not your slavemaster or torturer. By and by, as you learn to forgive yourself, the forgiveness towards others--and towards the hardships of life in general--will also develop.
4. Don't expect "perfection." Forgiveness usually isn't an all-or-nothing, once-and-forever phenomenon. The only real perfection lies in transcendence, in universal consciousness, toward which each being, through the power of life itself, unceasingly attempts to move. Every time an inner barrier dissolves, rejoice and breathe! You have passed a milestone, but the journey is not over!
5. Try to understand the personality and emotional components of your relationships with other people.
Learn to be your own emotional detective. Your feelings can be valuable clues, both to your own inner self as well as to the personality and emotions of other people. Understood in this light, your relationships can teach you many valuable lessons.
Sometimes the lesson might be, "I need to understand, love, and respect myself more". Other times it might be, "This is a person with whom I should not be in a close relationship."
Respect your intuition and understanding and act accordingly, focusing on taking the best possible care of yourself--not on negative emotions or actions towards the other person.
6. Don't be in a hurry. If you tend to "fall in love at first sight" and then soon find that Mr. or Ms. Right isn't so right after all, even might be someone who is going to hurt you a lot, consciously try to slow it down! Why are you in such a big hurry? Is it because you are so desperate for affection that you are forgetting to first find out if this person is actually worthy of a close relationship with you?
Respect your need for affection first of all by respecting your right to personal safety and well-being. If you love and respect yourself, you will know more about what to look for in others, and more apt to find relationships with people who truly love and respect you. So don't be in a hurry. Take your time, be observant, and choose your friends and "significant others" carefully and consciously.
7. Sometimes a sense of humor can come to the rescue! I know people who gush at me when they see me. These same people, however, do nothing to create or maintain a friendship with me. They never call me, never invite me to their house, do not return my phone calls or respond to my e-mails. Yes, I've felt angry at them sometimes. I resent their apparent shallowness. But hey, there's nothing that says I have to build my emotional satisfaction around these people! If that's how they are or how they want to be, who am I to try to change them? Essentially they are harmless, they are not out there killing and maiming, cheating and stealing; they are just a little flighty and insincere. They've just wounded my vanity a little bit. Big deal! And then I laugh at the absurdity of it all. It's like the James Thurber cartoon where it shows a zillion people all rushing to and fro along a busy street going past a cemetery. The only text is "Destinations." So I just appreciate myself a bit, and giggle. In the end, we're all going to the same place anyway!
Do You Hate The Way You Look?
By Dr Kim.
In March of 2006, I received the following letter from someone who consulted with me for a skin condition:
Dear Dr. Kim,
I wondered if you would have any advice because I'm having a very hard time emotionally. I'm having a problem with low self esteem and self confidence, mainly because of my (health condition).
I don't have any friends or acquaintances (in my local area), and I've had a huge problem with loneliness over the past year.
I feel too embarrassed to meet other young people because of the (health condition), and I feel my emotional state has taken a large toll on me. It seems like a catch 22 situation.
I would appreciate any thoughts or suggestions you have on this.
Best wishes,Jessica
Because I have received letters like Jessica's over the years from people of both genders, all ages, and a variety of ethnic backgrounds, I thought it might be helpful to share some of the thoughts that I included in my reply to Jessica.
If you've been reading our site for a while, you may know that I came to do the work that I do now because of my own health challenges as a 19-year old.
Due to a variety of stressors that I faced at that time, I developed a skin condition called vitiligo. Over a period of 3-4 years, I lost approximately 25 percent of my skin color in patches on my face and body.
This condition affected every part of my life. I thought that no one would hire me as a chiropractor because of the way that I looked. I was depressed because I couldn't play tennis, baseball, and basketball for hours at a time like I used to without getting sun burned. I was sure that no one would ever want to marry me.
For about two years, I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. I showered, brushed my teeth, and washed my face in the bathroom with the lights off. Such was the extent to which I had come to loathe my scars.
I'd like to tell you that there was one magical moment when it all turned around for me. The truth is that it took many years to overcome my low self esteem and addiction to self pity.
There were a number of thoughts and events that encouraged me to see my physical appearance differently.
At one point, I realized that the person who made the most of my physical appearance was me. When I made it a big issue in my own mind, it seemed to become more of an issue to those around me. When I went about my life without obsessing over my appearance, it clearly became less of an issue to people I interacted with.
Sure, there were a few people here and there who clearly indicated that they didn't want anything to do with me because of my unique physical appearance, but for the most part, almost everyone I met and interacted with didn't even bring it up. Some even made me feel like they didn't notice it at all.
Another important epiphany occurred when a friend asked me to consider how I would want my own future child to go about his or her life if they faced the same circumstances that I faced. In recognizing that I would not want low self esteem over physical appearance to hinder my own child's life in any way, I was inspired to begin the practice of living my own life in a way that resembled how I wished my own child's life would turn out.
It took me until I was about the age of 26 or 27 to feel relatively free of the self pity that I allowed to plague me since I developed vitiligo.
And since that time, I've come to realize repeatedly that my experiences with vitiligo and low self esteem over my physical appearance are among the greatest gifts that I have ever received.
Because of my experiences, I can truly relate to clients who have a health challenge that involves anxiety about their physical appearance. If I didn't have the experience of not being able to turn the lights on in the bathroom, I believe that I would have less capacity to understand and help some of these people. To focus solely on dietary choices when a person can't even look into a mirror without a visceral reaction is not likely to lead to a positive, long term outcome.
My vitiligo also gives me the ability to quickly identify people who place more importance on a person's character than on a person's looks. When my wife knew that she wanted to marry me when she was 25-years old, I knew that I had found someone who recognized my spirit. I didn't need a handsome face, fancy clothes, a stuffed wallet, a flashy sports car, or a 5,000 square foot home to have her want to marry me.
Without my vitiligo, I doubt that I would have gotten interested in leading the healthy lifestyle that my family does now.
I could share many more blessings that have come about because of the skin condition that caused years of sadness, but hopefully, my point is clear.
If you suffer with anxiety about your physical appearance, I hope that you will take some time to consider the many ways in which your current and past suffering can lead to a bright and meaningful life. As Shakespeare wrote, "...there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
It's difficult to change the way that you feel about yourself in just a few days. But I hope that you are inspired to think about your appearance and life in a way that you would want your own child to think about his or her own situation.
In March of 2006, I received the following letter from someone who consulted with me for a skin condition:
Dear Dr. Kim,
I wondered if you would have any advice because I'm having a very hard time emotionally. I'm having a problem with low self esteem and self confidence, mainly because of my (health condition).
I don't have any friends or acquaintances (in my local area), and I've had a huge problem with loneliness over the past year.
I feel too embarrassed to meet other young people because of the (health condition), and I feel my emotional state has taken a large toll on me. It seems like a catch 22 situation.
I would appreciate any thoughts or suggestions you have on this.
Best wishes,Jessica
Because I have received letters like Jessica's over the years from people of both genders, all ages, and a variety of ethnic backgrounds, I thought it might be helpful to share some of the thoughts that I included in my reply to Jessica.
If you've been reading our site for a while, you may know that I came to do the work that I do now because of my own health challenges as a 19-year old.
Due to a variety of stressors that I faced at that time, I developed a skin condition called vitiligo. Over a period of 3-4 years, I lost approximately 25 percent of my skin color in patches on my face and body.
This condition affected every part of my life. I thought that no one would hire me as a chiropractor because of the way that I looked. I was depressed because I couldn't play tennis, baseball, and basketball for hours at a time like I used to without getting sun burned. I was sure that no one would ever want to marry me.
For about two years, I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. I showered, brushed my teeth, and washed my face in the bathroom with the lights off. Such was the extent to which I had come to loathe my scars.
I'd like to tell you that there was one magical moment when it all turned around for me. The truth is that it took many years to overcome my low self esteem and addiction to self pity.
There were a number of thoughts and events that encouraged me to see my physical appearance differently.
At one point, I realized that the person who made the most of my physical appearance was me. When I made it a big issue in my own mind, it seemed to become more of an issue to those around me. When I went about my life without obsessing over my appearance, it clearly became less of an issue to people I interacted with.
Sure, there were a few people here and there who clearly indicated that they didn't want anything to do with me because of my unique physical appearance, but for the most part, almost everyone I met and interacted with didn't even bring it up. Some even made me feel like they didn't notice it at all.
Another important epiphany occurred when a friend asked me to consider how I would want my own future child to go about his or her life if they faced the same circumstances that I faced. In recognizing that I would not want low self esteem over physical appearance to hinder my own child's life in any way, I was inspired to begin the practice of living my own life in a way that resembled how I wished my own child's life would turn out.
It took me until I was about the age of 26 or 27 to feel relatively free of the self pity that I allowed to plague me since I developed vitiligo.
And since that time, I've come to realize repeatedly that my experiences with vitiligo and low self esteem over my physical appearance are among the greatest gifts that I have ever received.
Because of my experiences, I can truly relate to clients who have a health challenge that involves anxiety about their physical appearance. If I didn't have the experience of not being able to turn the lights on in the bathroom, I believe that I would have less capacity to understand and help some of these people. To focus solely on dietary choices when a person can't even look into a mirror without a visceral reaction is not likely to lead to a positive, long term outcome.
My vitiligo also gives me the ability to quickly identify people who place more importance on a person's character than on a person's looks. When my wife knew that she wanted to marry me when she was 25-years old, I knew that I had found someone who recognized my spirit. I didn't need a handsome face, fancy clothes, a stuffed wallet, a flashy sports car, or a 5,000 square foot home to have her want to marry me.
Without my vitiligo, I doubt that I would have gotten interested in leading the healthy lifestyle that my family does now.
I could share many more blessings that have come about because of the skin condition that caused years of sadness, but hopefully, my point is clear.
If you suffer with anxiety about your physical appearance, I hope that you will take some time to consider the many ways in which your current and past suffering can lead to a bright and meaningful life. As Shakespeare wrote, "...there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
It's difficult to change the way that you feel about yourself in just a few days. But I hope that you are inspired to think about your appearance and life in a way that you would want your own child to think about his or her own situation.
Friday, September 11, 2009
How To Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You
By Dr Ben Kim
A few days ago, I was flipping through an Oprah magazine that my wife borrowed from our public library when I came across a short piece on forgiveness by playwright and actor Tyler Perry.
Here's the part that I felt a strong connection to:
My father was a carpenter. He used his hands to pour concrete and hammer nails. He also used his hands to beat me.
I was a tall child, but sickly—I had asthma—and when I went to work with him, the sawdust made me cough. I preferred staying home, writing and drawing. I conjured up other worlds: worlds in which I didn't worry about being poor, in which I was someone else's child, a child who lived in a mansion and had a dog. My father—a man with a third-grade education who was orphaned at 2 and sent to work in the fields at 5—understood only the physical. He thought he could beat the softness out of me and make me hard like him.
When I was 21, I left my house in New Orleans and headed to Atlanta to be a playwright. I got a day job as a bill collector and scrimped and saved to put on my play I Know I've Been Changed— a musical about recovering from an abusive childhood. But even though I was writing about recovering, I wasn't doing it. Every day I felt angry and bitter and terribly lonely. I rarely dated, and if a woman told me she loved me, I headed for the door. My play bombed; 30 people came on opening weekend. I put it on the next year and the year after that, and each time, it bombed again. Finally, 28 years old, out of money and months behind on my rent, I started sleeping in my car. When the car broke down, I asked my father to cosign on a new one, as he had just done for my sister (the light-skinned sister he adored). When he refused, I forged his signature. And when the car got repossessed, he called me, yelling. Sitting in that little room I'd just scraped together enough money to rent, listening to him berate me, something snapped. Something dormant in me woke up, and I began to yell back.
I told him that he'd hated me since I was born, that I didn't deserve the things he'd done to me. Everything I'd ever felt or thought—even things I hadn't been aware of—came out. When I was done, the line was silent for a long time. And then, for the first time ever, my father said, "I love you."
After we hung up, I felt light, empty, and exhausted. I knew that I would never again look at my father in hurt or anger. But in a strange way, I also sensed that something had died. I sat crying for hours, as if I were in mourning. My energy source, my fight, the rage that had moved me every day—it was all gone.
Slowly but surely, I began to fuel my days with joy instead of fury. That year—call it coincidence, call it karma—my play sold out. Then it sold out again, and then again. I began to write new plays, and the theme of forgiveness runs through them all. It's simple: When you haven't forgiven those who've hurt you, you turn your back against your future. When you do forgive, you start walking forward.
I can't get over how powerful his last statement is:
When you haven't forgiven those who've hurt you, you turn your back against your future. When you do forgive, you start walking forward.
I understand and agree with the idea that forgiving others is more about your peace of mind then it is about their feelings. You don't have to make it known to those who have hurt you that you have forgiven them.
The issue is learning how to transcend the hurt, how to get to a place in your heart and mind where the hurt is no longer holding you back from fully caring for others and allowing yourself to be cared for by others.
Is it possible to truly forgive all transgressions?
How do you forgive someone who physically abused you when you were a child?
How do you forgive someone who raped you or a family member?
How do you forgive someone who spread vicious and humiliating lies about you?
How do you forgive parents who put their own needs and egos way ahead of your basic emotional needs as a child?
How do you forgive a parent who left you when you were young?
How do you forgive someone who has sucked the joy out of your life through his or her negative, hypocritical, phony, lazy, selfish, and ill-tempered behavior through decades of marriage?
Maybe complete forgiveness is impossible in some cases. Maybe hurt that you have encountered is so bad that you will suffer to some degree until you pass on because you will always be angry at the people who hurt you.
If you are determined to find a way to free yourself of the burden of chronic anger, no matter how badly you have been hurt, there is one powerful and effective exercise that I can recommend.
It's to sit or lie in a quiet place and imagine your tormentors as they were when they were babies or young children. Visualize these people one at a time, and really take time to feel the realities of their lives as toddlers.
Babies are not born with a distinct desire to hurt others physically or emotionally. They are born craving love and protection. Visualize what your tormentors were like when they did nothing but crave love and protection.
If you work at realizing how pure and innocent your tormentors once were, you may come to a point where it becomes clear that their hurtful acts as older children or adults likely stem from their own wounds.If you know of another effective way of bringing yourself to forgive people who have hurt you badly, I would appreciate you sharing in the comments section below. Your thoughts on this topic may make a significant difference in another person's life.
A few days ago, I was flipping through an Oprah magazine that my wife borrowed from our public library when I came across a short piece on forgiveness by playwright and actor Tyler Perry.
Here's the part that I felt a strong connection to:
My father was a carpenter. He used his hands to pour concrete and hammer nails. He also used his hands to beat me.
I was a tall child, but sickly—I had asthma—and when I went to work with him, the sawdust made me cough. I preferred staying home, writing and drawing. I conjured up other worlds: worlds in which I didn't worry about being poor, in which I was someone else's child, a child who lived in a mansion and had a dog. My father—a man with a third-grade education who was orphaned at 2 and sent to work in the fields at 5—understood only the physical. He thought he could beat the softness out of me and make me hard like him.
When I was 21, I left my house in New Orleans and headed to Atlanta to be a playwright. I got a day job as a bill collector and scrimped and saved to put on my play I Know I've Been Changed— a musical about recovering from an abusive childhood. But even though I was writing about recovering, I wasn't doing it. Every day I felt angry and bitter and terribly lonely. I rarely dated, and if a woman told me she loved me, I headed for the door. My play bombed; 30 people came on opening weekend. I put it on the next year and the year after that, and each time, it bombed again. Finally, 28 years old, out of money and months behind on my rent, I started sleeping in my car. When the car broke down, I asked my father to cosign on a new one, as he had just done for my sister (the light-skinned sister he adored). When he refused, I forged his signature. And when the car got repossessed, he called me, yelling. Sitting in that little room I'd just scraped together enough money to rent, listening to him berate me, something snapped. Something dormant in me woke up, and I began to yell back.
I told him that he'd hated me since I was born, that I didn't deserve the things he'd done to me. Everything I'd ever felt or thought—even things I hadn't been aware of—came out. When I was done, the line was silent for a long time. And then, for the first time ever, my father said, "I love you."
After we hung up, I felt light, empty, and exhausted. I knew that I would never again look at my father in hurt or anger. But in a strange way, I also sensed that something had died. I sat crying for hours, as if I were in mourning. My energy source, my fight, the rage that had moved me every day—it was all gone.
Slowly but surely, I began to fuel my days with joy instead of fury. That year—call it coincidence, call it karma—my play sold out. Then it sold out again, and then again. I began to write new plays, and the theme of forgiveness runs through them all. It's simple: When you haven't forgiven those who've hurt you, you turn your back against your future. When you do forgive, you start walking forward.
I can't get over how powerful his last statement is:
When you haven't forgiven those who've hurt you, you turn your back against your future. When you do forgive, you start walking forward.
I understand and agree with the idea that forgiving others is more about your peace of mind then it is about their feelings. You don't have to make it known to those who have hurt you that you have forgiven them.
The issue is learning how to transcend the hurt, how to get to a place in your heart and mind where the hurt is no longer holding you back from fully caring for others and allowing yourself to be cared for by others.
Is it possible to truly forgive all transgressions?
How do you forgive someone who physically abused you when you were a child?
How do you forgive someone who raped you or a family member?
How do you forgive someone who spread vicious and humiliating lies about you?
How do you forgive parents who put their own needs and egos way ahead of your basic emotional needs as a child?
How do you forgive a parent who left you when you were young?
How do you forgive someone who has sucked the joy out of your life through his or her negative, hypocritical, phony, lazy, selfish, and ill-tempered behavior through decades of marriage?
Maybe complete forgiveness is impossible in some cases. Maybe hurt that you have encountered is so bad that you will suffer to some degree until you pass on because you will always be angry at the people who hurt you.
If you are determined to find a way to free yourself of the burden of chronic anger, no matter how badly you have been hurt, there is one powerful and effective exercise that I can recommend.
It's to sit or lie in a quiet place and imagine your tormentors as they were when they were babies or young children. Visualize these people one at a time, and really take time to feel the realities of their lives as toddlers.
Babies are not born with a distinct desire to hurt others physically or emotionally. They are born craving love and protection. Visualize what your tormentors were like when they did nothing but crave love and protection.
If you work at realizing how pure and innocent your tormentors once were, you may come to a point where it becomes clear that their hurtful acts as older children or adults likely stem from their own wounds.If you know of another effective way of bringing yourself to forgive people who have hurt you badly, I would appreciate you sharing in the comments section below. Your thoughts on this topic may make a significant difference in another person's life.
Perfect Valentine's Day Gift Ideas For the Special Woman
By Connor R Sullivan
Valentine's Day is the time of the year when many couple celebrates their love and affection towards each other through spending quality time with each other, having a romantic dinner together and exchanging gifts. Males usually get confused as to what they should give their female partners on Valentine's Day. No one can ever go wrong with the idea of giving jewelry as gift especially on a day which symbolizes love, care and affection. There are many options to choose from when it comes to purchasing jewelry as gifts. Unique pieces such as Artisan jewelry and Sundance jewelry would make perfect gifts. However, there is also option of enjoying the current trend of jewelry gift ideas such as those made of diamonds and set in platinum.
For those who can't afford diamond and platinum can consider buying cubic zirconia stones crafted in sterling silver. This will make a perfect gift for any women. Valentine's Day is a favorite day for proposals and it makes cubic zirconia rings a hot pick for the season. Similar to diamond engagement ring sets, there are cubic zirconia rings sets as well which has the look of a real large diamond and is much cheaper than the real diamond. There are few nice ways in which a Valentine's Day ring can be presented to the beloved one. A ribbon can be used to tie the ring onto it and further tying the ribbon to a teddy bear and a rose.
Cubic zirconia bangles and bracelets are also in fashion and they make great gifts. They can be presented by hanging over the neck of a wine bottle or placed on the wrist of the teddy bear. Further gift ideas include presenting a heart shaped pendant and a necklace. Hearts symbolizes love and this is what Valentine's Day is all about. Nothing can make a better gift than a heart which shows love. Heart pendants come in traditional style as well as the floating style.
Many women do not leave home without wearing a pair of nice earrings and this is the reason earrings are another popular gift idea for Valentine's Day. The various designs include stud types, hoop style and most terrific of all is the heart shaped earrings. Since eternity bands symbolize forever, they make a perfect gift for Valentine's Day. The continuous gems crafted on an eternity band tells the tale of no beginning no end and this is what most people feel about love and their feeling for each other. A better idea to present this gift is to tie to a ribbon and place it with roses in a chocolate box. The person receiving the gift will love this surprise.
To show love, care, affection and respect to someone special is a good thing. Valentine's Day is not just a day to please partners but it is a day to show how much love there is for each other. Combining love and care and all the feeling there is for the special woman with a lovely gift and presenting it on a special day such as Valentines Day is truly the best thing a person can ever do.
Valentine's Day is the time of the year when many couple celebrates their love and affection towards each other through spending quality time with each other, having a romantic dinner together and exchanging gifts. Males usually get confused as to what they should give their female partners on Valentine's Day. No one can ever go wrong with the idea of giving jewelry as gift especially on a day which symbolizes love, care and affection. There are many options to choose from when it comes to purchasing jewelry as gifts. Unique pieces such as Artisan jewelry and Sundance jewelry would make perfect gifts. However, there is also option of enjoying the current trend of jewelry gift ideas such as those made of diamonds and set in platinum.
For those who can't afford diamond and platinum can consider buying cubic zirconia stones crafted in sterling silver. This will make a perfect gift for any women. Valentine's Day is a favorite day for proposals and it makes cubic zirconia rings a hot pick for the season. Similar to diamond engagement ring sets, there are cubic zirconia rings sets as well which has the look of a real large diamond and is much cheaper than the real diamond. There are few nice ways in which a Valentine's Day ring can be presented to the beloved one. A ribbon can be used to tie the ring onto it and further tying the ribbon to a teddy bear and a rose.
Cubic zirconia bangles and bracelets are also in fashion and they make great gifts. They can be presented by hanging over the neck of a wine bottle or placed on the wrist of the teddy bear. Further gift ideas include presenting a heart shaped pendant and a necklace. Hearts symbolizes love and this is what Valentine's Day is all about. Nothing can make a better gift than a heart which shows love. Heart pendants come in traditional style as well as the floating style.
Many women do not leave home without wearing a pair of nice earrings and this is the reason earrings are another popular gift idea for Valentine's Day. The various designs include stud types, hoop style and most terrific of all is the heart shaped earrings. Since eternity bands symbolize forever, they make a perfect gift for Valentine's Day. The continuous gems crafted on an eternity band tells the tale of no beginning no end and this is what most people feel about love and their feeling for each other. A better idea to present this gift is to tie to a ribbon and place it with roses in a chocolate box. The person receiving the gift will love this surprise.
To show love, care, affection and respect to someone special is a good thing. Valentine's Day is not just a day to please partners but it is a day to show how much love there is for each other. Combining love and care and all the feeling there is for the special woman with a lovely gift and presenting it on a special day such as Valentines Day is truly the best thing a person can ever do.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Top 10 Things That Can Turn a Girl Off
By Mark J Hamilton
Girls are very sensitive beings and they can't help it if they have a long list of standards when it comes to the right guy they should be dating. Meeting a girl for the first time is the most critical time of the year. This is when they start to observe and get to know what kind of guy you are. No, they're not rude. They're just born that way. Here are a few things that can turn a girl off. Find out how many you have and do something about it. And I mean, now!
Being a slob. The cleanliness department is ruled by the female species. So make sure you wear clean clothes, brush your teeth, cut your nails and comb your hair. Hygiene is a must.
Drinking and smoking. Girls will eventually accept the fact that you have a vice, but don't drink binge or smoke yourself blind when they're around.
Hanging out with your buddies a lot. Sure, they're your friends but girls do find it annoying if you spend too much time with them, especially if you ditch her for the sake of your buddies.
Your obsession with Sports. Lucky you if she's a sports enthusiast. But really. Girls would rather talk of something else than discussing the current score board.
Talking about your ex. As long as she doesn't you about them it's completely unacceptable. Especially when she's now your girlfriend. Talking about other girls. It's a complete insult when you try to check out other girls in the presence of your date. It's downright rude so cut the crap.
Being jobless. Girls are looking for guys who are independent and can pay for their dates. If you're still living with your parents and jobless, then forget it.
Acting needy and desperate. Clingy guys? Nah!
Being insensitive. Sometimes, girls want you to read their minds. But you can't. The least you can do is be sensitive to detect that something's wrong.
Ignoring them. You don't want to be ignored. You know the feeling right? So show us a little attention. Better yet, give it all.
If you still think it's hard to impress the ladies, know more on the things that can turn a girl off and the things that turn her on by visiting my website for further details. Say goodbye to boring days and hello to an exciting dating and flirting days ahead! It's just one click away.
Girls are very sensitive beings and they can't help it if they have a long list of standards when it comes to the right guy they should be dating. Meeting a girl for the first time is the most critical time of the year. This is when they start to observe and get to know what kind of guy you are. No, they're not rude. They're just born that way. Here are a few things that can turn a girl off. Find out how many you have and do something about it. And I mean, now!
Being a slob. The cleanliness department is ruled by the female species. So make sure you wear clean clothes, brush your teeth, cut your nails and comb your hair. Hygiene is a must.
Drinking and smoking. Girls will eventually accept the fact that you have a vice, but don't drink binge or smoke yourself blind when they're around.
Hanging out with your buddies a lot. Sure, they're your friends but girls do find it annoying if you spend too much time with them, especially if you ditch her for the sake of your buddies.
Your obsession with Sports. Lucky you if she's a sports enthusiast. But really. Girls would rather talk of something else than discussing the current score board.
Talking about your ex. As long as she doesn't you about them it's completely unacceptable. Especially when she's now your girlfriend. Talking about other girls. It's a complete insult when you try to check out other girls in the presence of your date. It's downright rude so cut the crap.
Being jobless. Girls are looking for guys who are independent and can pay for their dates. If you're still living with your parents and jobless, then forget it.
Acting needy and desperate. Clingy guys? Nah!
Being insensitive. Sometimes, girls want you to read their minds. But you can't. The least you can do is be sensitive to detect that something's wrong.
Ignoring them. You don't want to be ignored. You know the feeling right? So show us a little attention. Better yet, give it all.
If you still think it's hard to impress the ladies, know more on the things that can turn a girl off and the things that turn her on by visiting my website for further details. Say goodbye to boring days and hello to an exciting dating and flirting days ahead! It's just one click away.
Religious Dating in the World Today
By Billy Bob Bronson
Though many people would argue that caste, religion, and culture don't play a big part in the modern dating scene any longer, there are actually people who believe that these aspects are essential in their lives. In fact, one of the biggest issues and a major personal preference when choosing a partner is religion.
In the United States of America alone, for instance, religion (particularly Christianity), functions as a very big aspect in a person's life with a large percentage of the population considering themselves as Christians. And because of this, a lot of free religious dating sites have emerged to be able to cater singles who want partners who share the same religious views and beliefs as well.
Religious online dating sites are in a sense unique from the usual online dating services you see online since they focus an ample portion of their scope to the religion being promoted. For instance, free Christian dating sites focus their features, perks, and intentions towards pure Christian dating and to Christians who want to enjoy the fun of dating.
In truth, there are many people who take religious customs very seriously when choosing a partner, stating in their profiles that they would only communicate or entertain potential partners who share in the same religious views, practices, and beliefs as them.
Therefore, if you are the type of person who is very strict and conservative with regards to religious views, definitely religious dating would be the best online portal for you. There are many available online dating services that cater to devout religious singles such as yourself, so take the time to look through these sites online.
Though many people would argue that caste, religion, and culture don't play a big part in the modern dating scene any longer, there are actually people who believe that these aspects are essential in their lives. In fact, one of the biggest issues and a major personal preference when choosing a partner is religion.
In the United States of America alone, for instance, religion (particularly Christianity), functions as a very big aspect in a person's life with a large percentage of the population considering themselves as Christians. And because of this, a lot of free religious dating sites have emerged to be able to cater singles who want partners who share the same religious views and beliefs as well.
Religious online dating sites are in a sense unique from the usual online dating services you see online since they focus an ample portion of their scope to the religion being promoted. For instance, free Christian dating sites focus their features, perks, and intentions towards pure Christian dating and to Christians who want to enjoy the fun of dating.
In truth, there are many people who take religious customs very seriously when choosing a partner, stating in their profiles that they would only communicate or entertain potential partners who share in the same religious views, practices, and beliefs as them.
Therefore, if you are the type of person who is very strict and conservative with regards to religious views, definitely religious dating would be the best online portal for you. There are many available online dating services that cater to devout religious singles such as yourself, so take the time to look through these sites online.
Dating Background Checks - Are They Really Necessary?
By Deborah S Nelson
A wise and savvy person once coined the phrase, "All is Fair in Love and War," but had they glimpsed into the future of online dating, they would have seen both LOVE and WAR waged on the same battleground: the Internet.
The Wild West of the Internet has allowed matters of the heart to become fair game for dating scams, con artists, and Love Predators! The war they wage is to win access to your mental space, your home, your bank account, your precious time, your heart, and in the worst cases, your children's innocence. Today, every encounter with a virtual stranger could be putting you and your family at risk.
With 55% of online dating profiles being false, dating experts advise running back ground checks for online dating safety.
But how realistic is this? And WHEN do you run back ground checks? Before the first Starbucks date? How do you ask your date for their social security number? Should you run a background check just before physical intimacy? What if someone runs a background check on you? At what point are you so invested in the relationship that you really don't want to know?
What is Dating ID? It is the proactive solution for returning truth to the worldwide dating scene. Dating ID reduces risk and exposure to the love predators while providing entry to the Truthful Dating Community.
Dating ID is simple. It is voluntary and is updated annually. A background check is not voluntary and invades privacy, and is generally less accurate than verified information. With Dating ID, it's not necessary to ask for someone's SSN. Dating ID covers its holders for an entire year and can be used offline and online in any dating or social networking situation.
A wise and savvy person once coined the phrase, "All is Fair in Love and War," but had they glimpsed into the future of online dating, they would have seen both LOVE and WAR waged on the same battleground: the Internet.
The Wild West of the Internet has allowed matters of the heart to become fair game for dating scams, con artists, and Love Predators! The war they wage is to win access to your mental space, your home, your bank account, your precious time, your heart, and in the worst cases, your children's innocence. Today, every encounter with a virtual stranger could be putting you and your family at risk.
With 55% of online dating profiles being false, dating experts advise running back ground checks for online dating safety.
But how realistic is this? And WHEN do you run back ground checks? Before the first Starbucks date? How do you ask your date for their social security number? Should you run a background check just before physical intimacy? What if someone runs a background check on you? At what point are you so invested in the relationship that you really don't want to know?
What is Dating ID? It is the proactive solution for returning truth to the worldwide dating scene. Dating ID reduces risk and exposure to the love predators while providing entry to the Truthful Dating Community.
Dating ID is simple. It is voluntary and is updated annually. A background check is not voluntary and invades privacy, and is generally less accurate than verified information. With Dating ID, it's not necessary to ask for someone's SSN. Dating ID covers its holders for an entire year and can be used offline and online in any dating or social networking situation.
Background Checks - Everything You Need to Know About Your Future Spouse
By Brian Prinz
What is so critical about conducting criminal background checks? You may have been acquainted with an individual for a substantial length of period, making you experience uneasiness when looking for the proverbial skeletons in their closet; so why do it?
But not all individual is sincerely trustworthy. Wouldn't you enjoy making sure the your neighbor is not a convicted criminal? Moreover, what if that criminal was also guilty of multiple assaults? Or what if that person is a registered sexual offender?
What are the proper steps necessary for you to obtain this background? Are you conscious that an individual's arrests, convictions, and time served in prison are all open information? Yes, this is a reality. As databases having these type of facts need to be taken care of just like any other files you may have to pay a small fee to find out, but you should not have any worry conducting a background search. Being safety-sensitive is more valuable as always,as well as there is no problems with getting your own individual confirmation.
Never take the risk that that this research has been done by somebody besides you. Moreover remember that not all criminal background checks are equal. There are a few that miss noteworthy information. Then some have only a little data and may only have information within certain states. You have to be informed of this!
When a total examination is made you will get the exact fine points of a individual's charges if you perform the background search on your own. If you are relying on somebody else to do the history search, could you feel safe even though the person who did the history examination was neglecting records you feel important.
Your well being is what it is all about. And your household wants you to keep them safe too. Do not permit possible important problems to be ignored. Take the time to be aware of who you are living and functioning around before something dangerous happens.
What is so critical about conducting criminal background checks? You may have been acquainted with an individual for a substantial length of period, making you experience uneasiness when looking for the proverbial skeletons in their closet; so why do it?
But not all individual is sincerely trustworthy. Wouldn't you enjoy making sure the your neighbor is not a convicted criminal? Moreover, what if that criminal was also guilty of multiple assaults? Or what if that person is a registered sexual offender?
What are the proper steps necessary for you to obtain this background? Are you conscious that an individual's arrests, convictions, and time served in prison are all open information? Yes, this is a reality. As databases having these type of facts need to be taken care of just like any other files you may have to pay a small fee to find out, but you should not have any worry conducting a background search. Being safety-sensitive is more valuable as always,as well as there is no problems with getting your own individual confirmation.
Never take the risk that that this research has been done by somebody besides you. Moreover remember that not all criminal background checks are equal. There are a few that miss noteworthy information. Then some have only a little data and may only have information within certain states. You have to be informed of this!
When a total examination is made you will get the exact fine points of a individual's charges if you perform the background search on your own. If you are relying on somebody else to do the history search, could you feel safe even though the person who did the history examination was neglecting records you feel important.
Your well being is what it is all about. And your household wants you to keep them safe too. Do not permit possible important problems to be ignored. Take the time to be aware of who you are living and functioning around before something dangerous happens.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Female Orgasm Secrets
By Bernice L
Women should be fully aware that there are quite a number of female orgasm secrets. The reason why a lot of women fail to achieve orgasm is because they fail to achieve intense arousal. It is for this reason that sex becomes uncomfortable, sometimes even painful and orgasm is never achieved. Men's arousal and orgasm differs significantly from that of a woman.
One of the best orgasm secrets a woman should understand is that foreplay is extremely important to set her in the mood and help her achieve optimum lubrication. As a woman, you should not allow your partner to just attack your vagina without proper stimulation. Women like it sweet and slow. Therefore, gentle caressing, teasing, touching of other parts other than the vagina is an excellent way to start the fire. Make your partner understand that sex is not all about the vagina. It is also about stimulating other parts of your body like your breasts, thighs, tummy and neck.
Learning the art of sex has a lot to do with a woman's arousal. Discover your erogenous zones. You and your partner should explore your body and together you can discover your pleasure zones. This is a helpful way for you to uncover other orgasm secrets. Watch sex videos together with your partner and read various sex references. This way, you will know where your most sensitive parts are located such as the G-spot. Play with your fingers and let your partner do the same. Be creative in bed with your hands. Touching can ignite the fire and unleash sexual desire you never thought ever existed.
When making love, learn how to satisfy each other without jumping into penetration. With the use of your hands, you can explore your bodies and discover powerful sensations. Adequate stimulation can lead to a series of orgasms. The best way to facilitate foreplay is through the use of all-natural Vigorelle cream. This is specially made to help women feel intense arousal with just a gentle touch. Virgorelle has a powerful formulation proven to help women achieve satisfaction in bed from foreplay all the way to a mind-blowing orgasm.
Women should be fully aware that there are quite a number of female orgasm secrets. The reason why a lot of women fail to achieve orgasm is because they fail to achieve intense arousal. It is for this reason that sex becomes uncomfortable, sometimes even painful and orgasm is never achieved. Men's arousal and orgasm differs significantly from that of a woman.
One of the best orgasm secrets a woman should understand is that foreplay is extremely important to set her in the mood and help her achieve optimum lubrication. As a woman, you should not allow your partner to just attack your vagina without proper stimulation. Women like it sweet and slow. Therefore, gentle caressing, teasing, touching of other parts other than the vagina is an excellent way to start the fire. Make your partner understand that sex is not all about the vagina. It is also about stimulating other parts of your body like your breasts, thighs, tummy and neck.
Learning the art of sex has a lot to do with a woman's arousal. Discover your erogenous zones. You and your partner should explore your body and together you can discover your pleasure zones. This is a helpful way for you to uncover other orgasm secrets. Watch sex videos together with your partner and read various sex references. This way, you will know where your most sensitive parts are located such as the G-spot. Play with your fingers and let your partner do the same. Be creative in bed with your hands. Touching can ignite the fire and unleash sexual desire you never thought ever existed.
When making love, learn how to satisfy each other without jumping into penetration. With the use of your hands, you can explore your bodies and discover powerful sensations. Adequate stimulation can lead to a series of orgasms. The best way to facilitate foreplay is through the use of all-natural Vigorelle cream. This is specially made to help women feel intense arousal with just a gentle touch. Virgorelle has a powerful formulation proven to help women achieve satisfaction in bed from foreplay all the way to a mind-blowing orgasm.
The Secret to Really Great Sex
By David Shade
The Sad Truth About Sex Today
Here are some very sad and sobering truths about modern sexuality:
* 30% of ALL women have never had an orgasm in their life.
* 70% of women have NEVER had an orgasm during intercourse.
* Over half of all women have FAKED an orgasm.
Stop and take a moment to think about what this means.
If you are a man reading this, it means 50% of the women you have had sex with faked an orgasm. And if the other half were able to orgasm with you, it probably happened because they used their hands or a vibrator.
If you are a woman reading this it means there is a 1-in-3 chance you have never had an orgasm. And if you have been fortunate enough to experience an orgasm, it most likely wasn't from having sex with your man.
This is a sad reality about modern sexuality because ALL healthy women can have orgasms during sex!
Modern medicine wants to put the blame on women for these problems, and the bozos in the 'male enhancement' industry want you to think your 'size' is the problem. They are both feeding you a load of crap to make money.
All Of Us Are Sexual Creatures
All of us are born sexual creatures. (I realize this may come as a shock to many guys, to learn women are sexual too). Fact is, if we weren't sexual we would die off.
But no one is born knowing how to have Great Sex any more than you are born knowing how to walk. The good news is learning to have good sex is like learning how to walk, once you've got it, you won't have to think about it. You'll just do it.
Listen, any guy can figure out how to stick 'it' in and pump-n-dump. In fact this is what most guys do. It's also why 70% of women never orgasm during sex. Face it... if you want your woman to orgasm, you must understand what she needs. This is what I'm here for, to help you figure it out.
The Secret To Really Great Sex
You probably won't believe this once you see it, but it is the true secret to great sex with your woman. Do this, and she will do anything to make you happy, because no other man will have ever done this for her.
This is the secret to being a truly Masterful Lover. EVERYTHING I teach is based on this one secret.
Are you ready? Good, here it is...
Stop thinking about 'getting' sex from women. Instead focus on giving your woman Incredible Pleasure by giving her Really Good Sex.
In short... FOCUS ON THE WOMAN'S PLEASURE instead of your own. She will be so thrilled she will want you to feel just as much pleasure as you have given her.
Now, you might just have had to stop and let the power of this wash over you. Excellent! You have just taken a major step towards being the kind of lover women dream about.
When you love nothing more than to give a woman the most powerful long-lasting orgasm of her life... This will make you stand out like a great Dane in a room full of chihuahuas
( If you are thinking 'bull crap', there isn't much I can do to help you. You should probably click away now to one of the 3,150,000 websites on sexual positions or one of the 2,070,000 websites on male-enhancement.)
Everything You Need To Satisfy A Woman Is Already Within Her
There are so many men who only focus on their own needs when it comes to sex. You only have ask a woman or poke around online to know this is true.
Thing is, it's amazingly easy to stand out from these lame lovers by doing just this one simple thing... Focus On Her Pleasure.
If you have this as your mind-set, you'll easily figure out how to do this because you are now paying attention to everything she wants you to know about her body and what she likes. Everything you need to satisfy her is already inside her, and she WANTS you to discover it.
But you must Pay Attention!
This is the essence of what it means to be a Masterful Lover.
David Shade is internationally known for his No B.S. approach to sexuality, and as someone who had the courage to step outside the boundaries of conventional wisdom to find out what really works and works powerfully when it comes to giving women pleasure. Because of this David has improved the sex lives and relationships of tens of thousands of men, women and couples in 105 different countries.
David is the author of "The Secrets of Female Sexuality" (available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble) and has been a featured speaker on the topic of advanced sexuality and sexual pleasure at numerous conferences, written about in Men's Health and OUI Magazine, and a special guest on Playboy Radio and David DeAngelo's Interviews with Dating Gurus.
The Sad Truth About Sex Today
Here are some very sad and sobering truths about modern sexuality:
* 30% of ALL women have never had an orgasm in their life.
* 70% of women have NEVER had an orgasm during intercourse.
* Over half of all women have FAKED an orgasm.
Stop and take a moment to think about what this means.
If you are a man reading this, it means 50% of the women you have had sex with faked an orgasm. And if the other half were able to orgasm with you, it probably happened because they used their hands or a vibrator.
If you are a woman reading this it means there is a 1-in-3 chance you have never had an orgasm. And if you have been fortunate enough to experience an orgasm, it most likely wasn't from having sex with your man.
This is a sad reality about modern sexuality because ALL healthy women can have orgasms during sex!
Modern medicine wants to put the blame on women for these problems, and the bozos in the 'male enhancement' industry want you to think your 'size' is the problem. They are both feeding you a load of crap to make money.
All Of Us Are Sexual Creatures
All of us are born sexual creatures. (I realize this may come as a shock to many guys, to learn women are sexual too). Fact is, if we weren't sexual we would die off.
But no one is born knowing how to have Great Sex any more than you are born knowing how to walk. The good news is learning to have good sex is like learning how to walk, once you've got it, you won't have to think about it. You'll just do it.
Listen, any guy can figure out how to stick 'it' in and pump-n-dump. In fact this is what most guys do. It's also why 70% of women never orgasm during sex. Face it... if you want your woman to orgasm, you must understand what she needs. This is what I'm here for, to help you figure it out.
The Secret To Really Great Sex
You probably won't believe this once you see it, but it is the true secret to great sex with your woman. Do this, and she will do anything to make you happy, because no other man will have ever done this for her.
This is the secret to being a truly Masterful Lover. EVERYTHING I teach is based on this one secret.
Are you ready? Good, here it is...
Stop thinking about 'getting' sex from women. Instead focus on giving your woman Incredible Pleasure by giving her Really Good Sex.
In short... FOCUS ON THE WOMAN'S PLEASURE instead of your own. She will be so thrilled she will want you to feel just as much pleasure as you have given her.
Now, you might just have had to stop and let the power of this wash over you. Excellent! You have just taken a major step towards being the kind of lover women dream about.
When you love nothing more than to give a woman the most powerful long-lasting orgasm of her life... This will make you stand out like a great Dane in a room full of chihuahuas
( If you are thinking 'bull crap', there isn't much I can do to help you. You should probably click away now to one of the 3,150,000 websites on sexual positions or one of the 2,070,000 websites on male-enhancement.)
Everything You Need To Satisfy A Woman Is Already Within Her
There are so many men who only focus on their own needs when it comes to sex. You only have ask a woman or poke around online to know this is true.
Thing is, it's amazingly easy to stand out from these lame lovers by doing just this one simple thing... Focus On Her Pleasure.
If you have this as your mind-set, you'll easily figure out how to do this because you are now paying attention to everything she wants you to know about her body and what she likes. Everything you need to satisfy her is already inside her, and she WANTS you to discover it.
But you must Pay Attention!
This is the essence of what it means to be a Masterful Lover.
David Shade is internationally known for his No B.S. approach to sexuality, and as someone who had the courage to step outside the boundaries of conventional wisdom to find out what really works and works powerfully when it comes to giving women pleasure. Because of this David has improved the sex lives and relationships of tens of thousands of men, women and couples in 105 different countries.
David is the author of "The Secrets of Female Sexuality" (available at Amazon and Barnes & Noble) and has been a featured speaker on the topic of advanced sexuality and sexual pleasure at numerous conferences, written about in Men's Health and OUI Magazine, and a special guest on Playboy Radio and David DeAngelo's Interviews with Dating Gurus.
How to Prolong Orgasm, Increase Libido, and Last Longer in Bed
By George Christodoulou
Let it out, it's ok for a man to cry you know, especially when you have been deluding yourself that you were a lion in bed but your woman dumped you because you couldn't last longer than 5 minutes! Come on man, I'm not dissing you. I'm just stating the fact and sympathizing with you!
Ok enough of this self pity trip now wipe your snot and get ready because I am going to give you a list of herbs and one particular exercise that will help increase your libido and last longer in bed for better satisfaction.
Herbs
Diet is very important when it comes to a man lasting longer in bed. If you take the right vitamins and proteins and other supplements that increase the flow of blood to your penis then rest assured you should be able to increase your prolonging capacity. Herbs like ginseng, horny goat weed, Cnidium, Tribulus Terrestris extracts are known to increase the flow of blood to your penis, enlarges the veins for such better flow and makes you prolong longer. These herbs are available on many herbal sex pills. Look for those because you wouldn't have to measure the right quantity to consume. But make sure that you look for the pills that have all these herbs.
Exercise
How you perform in bed also depends on how well you exercise your penile muscles. Shaking hands with the president is definitely not bad. Learn to masturbate in moderation. When you do masturbate, learn to control your orgasm. Take your hands away from you and start masturbating again after a while. Repeat this process and it will definitely train your body and your mind to have a greater stamina.
Try both these tips from day one and start them together you will definitely see the difference in a matter of few day.
Let it out, it's ok for a man to cry you know, especially when you have been deluding yourself that you were a lion in bed but your woman dumped you because you couldn't last longer than 5 minutes! Come on man, I'm not dissing you. I'm just stating the fact and sympathizing with you!
Ok enough of this self pity trip now wipe your snot and get ready because I am going to give you a list of herbs and one particular exercise that will help increase your libido and last longer in bed for better satisfaction.
Herbs
Diet is very important when it comes to a man lasting longer in bed. If you take the right vitamins and proteins and other supplements that increase the flow of blood to your penis then rest assured you should be able to increase your prolonging capacity. Herbs like ginseng, horny goat weed, Cnidium, Tribulus Terrestris extracts are known to increase the flow of blood to your penis, enlarges the veins for such better flow and makes you prolong longer. These herbs are available on many herbal sex pills. Look for those because you wouldn't have to measure the right quantity to consume. But make sure that you look for the pills that have all these herbs.
Exercise
How you perform in bed also depends on how well you exercise your penile muscles. Shaking hands with the president is definitely not bad. Learn to masturbate in moderation. When you do masturbate, learn to control your orgasm. Take your hands away from you and start masturbating again after a while. Repeat this process and it will definitely train your body and your mind to have a greater stamina.
Try both these tips from day one and start them together you will definitely see the difference in a matter of few day.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Decade of Separation
By Jimmy Dugan
The decade of separation seems to be your forties. Whether you are married or live together, it seems this decade scrambles our priorities. Or maybe I should say the priorities we used to have. Men and women alike change during this time period. But why? What happens?
People reach this age and look at life and what they have worked at, suffered with, accomplished, compromised at, and the list goes on and on. When they are done contemplating the trials and tribulations of life, for some reason, many find they are not happy. And I mean not happy enough, and to leave the relationship, no matter what the cost.
I have seen documentaries and have read on the subject, and it has been said that men and women both go through menopause. But at this age, most are still a tad too young for menopause yet. It's like a pre-menopause.
So what happens? The short answer is LIFE. Change is inevitable in life we all know. And that goes for our relationships too. We are human beings and we grow, and develop.
For men, which has been talked about for many years, you hear the stories about affairs, divorce for a younger woman, and buying the sports car. They may go further and get a tattoo, grow a beard, change their wardrobe, and the list goes on. Why does this happen? What happened to the man every knew? The quick answer is that people often say "he's going through a change of life".
As an older age approaches, they try and find the youth they lost. They are getting older and don't want to. But who does? Most have worked hard, provided for their family, raised kids, saved money for their college education, and spent very little time on themselves or their happiness. Their partnership or marriage seems to wain as the closeness they felt with their partner ends up as two people living together. Period.
Life is busy, and the times you spent together when falling in love, and those feelings seem to subside. Not that they are gone, but just not in the forefront any longer. Now that he is on the downside of life and virtually can see the end coming, they want to be happy, feel young, and enjoy life. And that's not easy as they start to put on weight, lose their hair, and have to start considering putting together a will, buying more life insurance, contemplating cemetery plots, and alike. It can be depressing.
Many go into a state of depression. Some seek help from a professional, some make a lot of mistakes that will inevitably change or ruin their lives or partnerships, some will snap out of it, and some will deal with it responsibly.
Their desire for their partner partner may change also. If the partner is a homemaker or a working person doesn't matter. As time passes, they partner may let themselves go physically. We tend to accept each other but to what degree? If the partner doesn't keep themselves dressed nicely, they let themselves go physically, are always tired, do not have the time for their partner, and the list goes on, what happens to their relationship?
People always talk about two people growing apart. We do change for sure, but as we change do we bring our partner along with us to be a part of our lives? Or is that even possible?
Women change also. In many of the same ways men do. And why not? A woman gets older and grows just like a man. Her thought on many things change too. They come into their own and become different people too. The thoughts of how their life turned out to this point can be unsettling for many. Their look at their partner putting on weight, losing their hair, not getting any love or attention, and feel like they are a maid, life coach, or both.
Hands down in most relationships a woman keeps everything together. A woman makes about eighty percent of the decisions for purchases in their home. They have a lot of responsibility and when arriving in their forties, they wonder about their happiness too. Women are very independent today, not like many years ago. For the most part they are not dependent on a man for their livelihood. They are who they are. And women have sexual desires like a man too. Especially in their forties, as many find their desires are stronger and they enjoy it even more. They take second looks at younger men and think...
Happiness is a desire of theirs too. Is their man coming through with love, attention, and gratitude? Well, maybe not so much. Is it done intentionally? I don't think so in either case. But it's called life. Life just happens.
In this decade of separation, a woman seems to become stronger then they ever were when they were younger. Some don't want to compromise any more if they feel their relationship isn't worth it. Many worked at home or at a job, raised their kids and their man, and now want the rest of their life for themselves. Can you blame them? And honestly, I think you will find that a woman doesn't need a man, but a man needs a woman you will find more then not.
So what will she do and why? Life just happens. And it seems this decade of separation of the forties is real and should be taken seriously. But by the time anyone see's a problem, life already happened.
When issue's arise, no matter how silly they may sound to you, they need to be addressed, verbalized, and taken seriously as you both grow. Forming a long lasting partnership does need work because of all the shit life throws at you as we grow and change.
You both need to MAKE time for each other. You make time for everything else in life, why not each other? But people don't usually. And then the decade of separation comes and you find yourselves in a terrible circumstance. A life altering circumstance!
The mind blowing passion that you feel for your partner when you meet doesn't stay forever. Those chemicals in your brain will tend to wear off but your deep love for that person, if you remember, is still there. But you have to nurture it. Should love be a job? I hope you don't look at it this way, but it does need to be worked on, for sure. Anything worth having, is worth working for, because love remembers.
Jimmy Dugan
The decade of separation seems to be your forties. Whether you are married or live together, it seems this decade scrambles our priorities. Or maybe I should say the priorities we used to have. Men and women alike change during this time period. But why? What happens?
People reach this age and look at life and what they have worked at, suffered with, accomplished, compromised at, and the list goes on and on. When they are done contemplating the trials and tribulations of life, for some reason, many find they are not happy. And I mean not happy enough, and to leave the relationship, no matter what the cost.
I have seen documentaries and have read on the subject, and it has been said that men and women both go through menopause. But at this age, most are still a tad too young for menopause yet. It's like a pre-menopause.
So what happens? The short answer is LIFE. Change is inevitable in life we all know. And that goes for our relationships too. We are human beings and we grow, and develop.
For men, which has been talked about for many years, you hear the stories about affairs, divorce for a younger woman, and buying the sports car. They may go further and get a tattoo, grow a beard, change their wardrobe, and the list goes on. Why does this happen? What happened to the man every knew? The quick answer is that people often say "he's going through a change of life".
As an older age approaches, they try and find the youth they lost. They are getting older and don't want to. But who does? Most have worked hard, provided for their family, raised kids, saved money for their college education, and spent very little time on themselves or their happiness. Their partnership or marriage seems to wain as the closeness they felt with their partner ends up as two people living together. Period.
Life is busy, and the times you spent together when falling in love, and those feelings seem to subside. Not that they are gone, but just not in the forefront any longer. Now that he is on the downside of life and virtually can see the end coming, they want to be happy, feel young, and enjoy life. And that's not easy as they start to put on weight, lose their hair, and have to start considering putting together a will, buying more life insurance, contemplating cemetery plots, and alike. It can be depressing.
Many go into a state of depression. Some seek help from a professional, some make a lot of mistakes that will inevitably change or ruin their lives or partnerships, some will snap out of it, and some will deal with it responsibly.
Their desire for their partner partner may change also. If the partner is a homemaker or a working person doesn't matter. As time passes, they partner may let themselves go physically. We tend to accept each other but to what degree? If the partner doesn't keep themselves dressed nicely, they let themselves go physically, are always tired, do not have the time for their partner, and the list goes on, what happens to their relationship?
People always talk about two people growing apart. We do change for sure, but as we change do we bring our partner along with us to be a part of our lives? Or is that even possible?
Women change also. In many of the same ways men do. And why not? A woman gets older and grows just like a man. Her thought on many things change too. They come into their own and become different people too. The thoughts of how their life turned out to this point can be unsettling for many. Their look at their partner putting on weight, losing their hair, not getting any love or attention, and feel like they are a maid, life coach, or both.
Hands down in most relationships a woman keeps everything together. A woman makes about eighty percent of the decisions for purchases in their home. They have a lot of responsibility and when arriving in their forties, they wonder about their happiness too. Women are very independent today, not like many years ago. For the most part they are not dependent on a man for their livelihood. They are who they are. And women have sexual desires like a man too. Especially in their forties, as many find their desires are stronger and they enjoy it even more. They take second looks at younger men and think...
Happiness is a desire of theirs too. Is their man coming through with love, attention, and gratitude? Well, maybe not so much. Is it done intentionally? I don't think so in either case. But it's called life. Life just happens.
In this decade of separation, a woman seems to become stronger then they ever were when they were younger. Some don't want to compromise any more if they feel their relationship isn't worth it. Many worked at home or at a job, raised their kids and their man, and now want the rest of their life for themselves. Can you blame them? And honestly, I think you will find that a woman doesn't need a man, but a man needs a woman you will find more then not.
So what will she do and why? Life just happens. And it seems this decade of separation of the forties is real and should be taken seriously. But by the time anyone see's a problem, life already happened.
When issue's arise, no matter how silly they may sound to you, they need to be addressed, verbalized, and taken seriously as you both grow. Forming a long lasting partnership does need work because of all the shit life throws at you as we grow and change.
You both need to MAKE time for each other. You make time for everything else in life, why not each other? But people don't usually. And then the decade of separation comes and you find yourselves in a terrible circumstance. A life altering circumstance!
The mind blowing passion that you feel for your partner when you meet doesn't stay forever. Those chemicals in your brain will tend to wear off but your deep love for that person, if you remember, is still there. But you have to nurture it. Should love be a job? I hope you don't look at it this way, but it does need to be worked on, for sure. Anything worth having, is worth working for, because love remembers.
Jimmy Dugan
How to Stop a Divorce - Ways You Can Stop a Divorce
By Carolyn Anderson
If there are problems in a marriage that can no longer be resolved by the couple, one of them turns to divorce as a solution. If your spouse thinks about getting a divorce and you disagree with it, you can still slow down the process. But if you do that, you are only making it more painful. So instead of thinking on how to slow it down, why not just stop it?
But before thinking of ways on how to stop a divorce, think first if your marriage is worth saving in the first place. If you think it's worth the effort, then do something to work things out. Remember that saving a troubled marriage requires the cooperation of both parties involved. Both spouses should have the willingness to compromise on saving the relationship.
If you are looking for options on how to stop a divorce, you actually have quiet a few. One option is to do nothing. Doing nothing means staying in your unhappy marriage. This is your alternative if you think you can handle the disappointment of an unhappy relationship better than living with the pain and disruption of an expensive divorce. If you opt for this so-called parallel marriage, both of you can still live in the same house and have your own fulfilling lives even without enjoying a traditional happy marriage.
If you can't stand living with your spouse anymore but you don't want a divorce, you can consider trial separation. This setup will allow the spouse who is considering a divorce to experience the feeling of being separated without finally deciding to get one. But for it to work well, both of you should agree on an arrangement for this trial separation. The arrangement should involve talks on how will you handle your bank accounts, household bills and credit cards. This option is advantageous because it is easily reversible.
Another effective tip on how to stop a divorce is getting a marriage counseling. This can be of great help in saving a seriously troubled marriage. However, it can also be as painful as divorce. If done right, counseling has the real potential to save a rocky marriage. But it means big changes in how you deal with each other and with your relationship. Marriage counselors are already experienced in handling different marital problems so they are more knowledgeable in resolving your issues.
But if your spouse already filed a divorce and you want to stop it, request the court to either put the case on hold or postpone it. This will give you more time to work on convincing your spouse who filed the case to reconcile your differences. But if your spouse is ignoring your pleas on stopping the case and all your efforts have failed, it's about time for you to get a lawyer and settle things out in legal terms.
For other suggestions on how to stop a divorce, you may also consider some Internet sites that offer counseling services and other helpful resources for married couples. You can also join other organizations that can rekindle your marital vows and might possibly save your marriage
If there are problems in a marriage that can no longer be resolved by the couple, one of them turns to divorce as a solution. If your spouse thinks about getting a divorce and you disagree with it, you can still slow down the process. But if you do that, you are only making it more painful. So instead of thinking on how to slow it down, why not just stop it?
But before thinking of ways on how to stop a divorce, think first if your marriage is worth saving in the first place. If you think it's worth the effort, then do something to work things out. Remember that saving a troubled marriage requires the cooperation of both parties involved. Both spouses should have the willingness to compromise on saving the relationship.
If you are looking for options on how to stop a divorce, you actually have quiet a few. One option is to do nothing. Doing nothing means staying in your unhappy marriage. This is your alternative if you think you can handle the disappointment of an unhappy relationship better than living with the pain and disruption of an expensive divorce. If you opt for this so-called parallel marriage, both of you can still live in the same house and have your own fulfilling lives even without enjoying a traditional happy marriage.
If you can't stand living with your spouse anymore but you don't want a divorce, you can consider trial separation. This setup will allow the spouse who is considering a divorce to experience the feeling of being separated without finally deciding to get one. But for it to work well, both of you should agree on an arrangement for this trial separation. The arrangement should involve talks on how will you handle your bank accounts, household bills and credit cards. This option is advantageous because it is easily reversible.
Another effective tip on how to stop a divorce is getting a marriage counseling. This can be of great help in saving a seriously troubled marriage. However, it can also be as painful as divorce. If done right, counseling has the real potential to save a rocky marriage. But it means big changes in how you deal with each other and with your relationship. Marriage counselors are already experienced in handling different marital problems so they are more knowledgeable in resolving your issues.
But if your spouse already filed a divorce and you want to stop it, request the court to either put the case on hold or postpone it. This will give you more time to work on convincing your spouse who filed the case to reconcile your differences. But if your spouse is ignoring your pleas on stopping the case and all your efforts have failed, it's about time for you to get a lawyer and settle things out in legal terms.
For other suggestions on how to stop a divorce, you may also consider some Internet sites that offer counseling services and other helpful resources for married couples. You can also join other organizations that can rekindle your marital vows and might possibly save your marriage
Heal Your Broken Heart - Win Back Your Ex Boyfriend
By Mel M
Breaking up is indeed quite hard to accept. If you have just gone through a breakup you may still be feeling lonely and neck-deep in misery. You need to get over that breakup and move on. If you find that you are really still in love with your ex boyfriend and you want him back, here are some techniques which you can use to win back your ex.
Accept. To get over the breakup you have to accept that it has happened. Look back and answer the question why it happened? When you are not able to accept the breakup, you will surely be whining and begging and you will be one pitiful sight to behold.
Look back. Assess your relationship and the things which have happened in the past. Look at the good times and the bad. Try to see whether your relationship is worth saving. If you are going to take the extra mile to ensure that you get back with your ex boyfriend, you have to make sure that your relationship is worth fighting for.
Decide. So you have decided that your relationship is worth saving. So you are now in the process of thinking how are you going to go about it? In order to answer this question, you have to answer numerous questions regarding your relationship and what happened that you eventually went separate ways. Questions such as what went wrong? Were you taking each other for granted? Is somebody overly controlling another? Did your relationship just died a natural death because both of you did not exert effort to keep the embers of love and romance burning?
Ask: Ask yourself whether you are ready to change and be a better half in the relationship? Are you willing to go the extra mile to work things out with your ex boyfriend?
Change: If you are willing to say yes to the questions that you have to ask yourself, then start now. Show your ex boyfriend that you are a changed person and that you are committed to starting anew.
Approach: With humility and sincerity, it is now the best time to talk to your ex boyfriend. Lay out everything on the table and try if you can talk through your differences. Don't call or text him. Oftentimes, patience will always reward you in the end.
Mel M
End your misery of having lost your girlfriend/ boyfriend. Proven and effective strategies you can start using today. How about a blueprint or a step by step guide which tells you exactly what to do .
If you truly want to get your ex back , go to this website now: How to get ex back It is the top resource on breakup advice and tips on getting your ex back courtesy of the leading relationship gurus.
We have searched the world over for the best resources to get your ex back . Want to know what went wrong along with unconventional techniques which are guaranteed to get your ex interested in you again and restore your relationship?
Breaking up is indeed quite hard to accept. If you have just gone through a breakup you may still be feeling lonely and neck-deep in misery. You need to get over that breakup and move on. If you find that you are really still in love with your ex boyfriend and you want him back, here are some techniques which you can use to win back your ex.
Accept. To get over the breakup you have to accept that it has happened. Look back and answer the question why it happened? When you are not able to accept the breakup, you will surely be whining and begging and you will be one pitiful sight to behold.
Look back. Assess your relationship and the things which have happened in the past. Look at the good times and the bad. Try to see whether your relationship is worth saving. If you are going to take the extra mile to ensure that you get back with your ex boyfriend, you have to make sure that your relationship is worth fighting for.
Decide. So you have decided that your relationship is worth saving. So you are now in the process of thinking how are you going to go about it? In order to answer this question, you have to answer numerous questions regarding your relationship and what happened that you eventually went separate ways. Questions such as what went wrong? Were you taking each other for granted? Is somebody overly controlling another? Did your relationship just died a natural death because both of you did not exert effort to keep the embers of love and romance burning?
Ask: Ask yourself whether you are ready to change and be a better half in the relationship? Are you willing to go the extra mile to work things out with your ex boyfriend?
Change: If you are willing to say yes to the questions that you have to ask yourself, then start now. Show your ex boyfriend that you are a changed person and that you are committed to starting anew.
Approach: With humility and sincerity, it is now the best time to talk to your ex boyfriend. Lay out everything on the table and try if you can talk through your differences. Don't call or text him. Oftentimes, patience will always reward you in the end.
Mel M
End your misery of having lost your girlfriend/ boyfriend. Proven and effective strategies you can start using today. How about a blueprint or a step by step guide which tells you exactly what to do .
If you truly want to get your ex back , go to this website now: How to get ex back It is the top resource on breakup advice and tips on getting your ex back courtesy of the leading relationship gurus.
We have searched the world over for the best resources to get your ex back . Want to know what went wrong along with unconventional techniques which are guaranteed to get your ex interested in you again and restore your relationship?
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Signs of a Cheating Boyfriend
By Meka Powers
If you are in a relationship, there is a chance you may have or currently suspect that your boyfriend is cheating on you. Unfortunately, cheating is something most couples have to face at some point or another. You can avoid the suspicion of infidelity by knowing the signs of a cheating boyfriend that way you can take action once it is discovered but hopefully the truth is the opposite of what you suspect. Here are a few of the signs of a cheating boyfriend.
1. Comes home late at night- He could be working overtime, got caught in heavy traffic, having other issues but if this becomes a habit, especially if he goes to shower first, then that is a fed flag.
2. Not Romantic/Lacks Affection- If your boyfriend started out showing you a lot of affection and doing romantic things and it has suddenly dwindled, this is a red flag. Of course there may be other reasons but chances are he is getting it somewhere else.
3. Tells excuses for not spending time with you- There have been many cases where the girlfriend wants to spend time with the boyfriend but he always makes up excuses and says he has other things to do. This is all too common and if it happens often, that is also a sign of cheating.
Of course there are many more signs that can raise a red flag that your boyfriend may be cheating on you. If you know these signs, you can stop the cheating dead in its track and handle the situation in your own way. Suspecting infidelity can be very stressful but if you know what to look for, you can make things a lot easier for you.
If you are in a relationship, there is a chance you may have or currently suspect that your boyfriend is cheating on you. Unfortunately, cheating is something most couples have to face at some point or another. You can avoid the suspicion of infidelity by knowing the signs of a cheating boyfriend that way you can take action once it is discovered but hopefully the truth is the opposite of what you suspect. Here are a few of the signs of a cheating boyfriend.
1. Comes home late at night- He could be working overtime, got caught in heavy traffic, having other issues but if this becomes a habit, especially if he goes to shower first, then that is a fed flag.
2. Not Romantic/Lacks Affection- If your boyfriend started out showing you a lot of affection and doing romantic things and it has suddenly dwindled, this is a red flag. Of course there may be other reasons but chances are he is getting it somewhere else.
3. Tells excuses for not spending time with you- There have been many cases where the girlfriend wants to spend time with the boyfriend but he always makes up excuses and says he has other things to do. This is all too common and if it happens often, that is also a sign of cheating.
Of course there are many more signs that can raise a red flag that your boyfriend may be cheating on you. If you know these signs, you can stop the cheating dead in its track and handle the situation in your own way. Suspecting infidelity can be very stressful but if you know what to look for, you can make things a lot easier for you.
Working Through Relationship Problems
By Christine King
What is a relationship problem? It could be anything, but sometimes we tend to label things incorrectly and this in itself becomes a problem. Are you a 'headliner'? Do you label things in such a way that the headline screams 'problem', when in fact it is nothing of the sort?
Far too many of us 'awfulize' about things until they appear to be far worse than they are. Sometimes this is because there is a very strong emotional element involved, but nevertheless, we allow it to grow in our minds until it is totally out of proportion. We then give the 'problem' a headline and it becomes set in stone.
How to deal with 'the problem' becomes a problem in itself because it has become entwined in distortion, confusion, muddle and exaggeration. It then takes a clear head and a great deal of patience to make sense of everything. This takes huge amounts of time and effort - and guess what? It could have all been avoided if we had been able to control our awfulising.
The best way of dealing with awfulising is to start to recognize when it starts to happen. If you can train yourself to do this you will be making a major breakthrough. Then you need to work through your thinking process and try and evaluate in a logical and unemotional way, how to find a positive solution. The emphasis is on positive. Ask yourself questions and you will soon be able to 'unwrap' the problem and get to the heart of the matter. This will give you clarity and the ability to find a solution.
A very simple example might be that a passing remark is made about the fact that you are overweight. You dwell on this. Overweight becomes fat, and then obese, and then ugly.... It goes on until you are so depressed and unhappy that it starts to have a bearing on your relationship.
If you think this through logically and ask yourself questions such as: "Have I put on weight?", "How I look is obviously important to my partner", "What could I do about it?", "Diets don't work - what else can I try?", "Perhaps I could try a vegetarian option", etc., you will be able to work it out and come to a sensible conclusion.
What is a relationship problem? It could be anything, but sometimes we tend to label things incorrectly and this in itself becomes a problem. Are you a 'headliner'? Do you label things in such a way that the headline screams 'problem', when in fact it is nothing of the sort?
Far too many of us 'awfulize' about things until they appear to be far worse than they are. Sometimes this is because there is a very strong emotional element involved, but nevertheless, we allow it to grow in our minds until it is totally out of proportion. We then give the 'problem' a headline and it becomes set in stone.
How to deal with 'the problem' becomes a problem in itself because it has become entwined in distortion, confusion, muddle and exaggeration. It then takes a clear head and a great deal of patience to make sense of everything. This takes huge amounts of time and effort - and guess what? It could have all been avoided if we had been able to control our awfulising.
The best way of dealing with awfulising is to start to recognize when it starts to happen. If you can train yourself to do this you will be making a major breakthrough. Then you need to work through your thinking process and try and evaluate in a logical and unemotional way, how to find a positive solution. The emphasis is on positive. Ask yourself questions and you will soon be able to 'unwrap' the problem and get to the heart of the matter. This will give you clarity and the ability to find a solution.
A very simple example might be that a passing remark is made about the fact that you are overweight. You dwell on this. Overweight becomes fat, and then obese, and then ugly.... It goes on until you are so depressed and unhappy that it starts to have a bearing on your relationship.
If you think this through logically and ask yourself questions such as: "Have I put on weight?", "How I look is obviously important to my partner", "What could I do about it?", "Diets don't work - what else can I try?", "Perhaps I could try a vegetarian option", etc., you will be able to work it out and come to a sensible conclusion.
Monday, August 31, 2009
How to Make New Friends in a New City
By Jonathan Boyd
Moving to a new city can be an exciting time - you've got a new home, perhaps a new job too, and now there are plenty of things you want to explore. But even in a city with millions, you might feel lonely if you haven't got any friends to share your new experiences with. The solution? Be proactive! Don't sit around your home and wait for people to find you...instead, follow these seven tips for finding good friends in a new city:
1. Get to know your neighbors. If you live in a community which hosts regular meetings or events, make an effort to be involved. Knowing people who live around you is always a help and makes your neighborhood a more social place.
2. Join a club or class relating to a subject or hobby that interests you, e.g., a dance class, hockey team or painting course. This helps you get out and meet people who share similar interests to you - a good starting point for any friendship.
3. Take part in a running club. Most cities organize groups who train together and all levels are welcome. It's one way to stay fit and you'll socialize by chatting as you run, too.
4. If you have a dog, take it out for a walk where other dog-owners in the area go. Popular dog walking areas are always great places to meet other dog-owners - it's hard not to admire each other's pets and swap pet-owning stories.
5. Volunteer to do something helpful. There are always places looking for help like soup kitchens or child-mentoring organizations. You'll benefit your community and are sure to come in contact with lots of people - especially like-minded ones who want to make a difference too.
6. Check your local newspaper for local events - there may be a new cafe opening or a new exhibition at the museum. Just because you haven't made any friends yet, it shouldn't be an excuse to stay indoors. The more you go out, the more likely you are to meet someone new...even if you don't, and at least you've been out and enjoyed yourself.
7. Make use of great websites for meeting people. They help you meet other people in your local area who also want to make friends, share interests, or network for business or social purposes. If you don't find a group you'd like to join, you could even use the site to start one yourself!
If you enjoyed this article, please feel free to post it to your site or blog and forward this link to your friends. Have a great day!
By Jonathan Boyd
Moving to a new city can be an exciting time - you've got a new home, perhaps a new job too, and now there are plenty of things you want to explore. But even in a city with millions, you might feel lonely if you haven't got any friends to share your new experiences with. The solution? Be proactive! Don't sit around your home and wait for people to find you...instead, follow these seven tips for finding good friends in a new city:
1. Get to know your neighbors. If you live in a community which hosts regular meetings or events, make an effort to be involved. Knowing people who live around you is always a help and makes your neighborhood a more social place.
2. Join a club or class relating to a subject or hobby that interests you, e.g., a dance class, hockey team or painting course. This helps you get out and meet people who share similar interests to you - a good starting point for any friendship.
3. Take part in a running club. Most cities organize groups who train together and all levels are welcome. It's one way to stay fit and you'll socialize by chatting as you run, too.
4. If you have a dog, take it out for a walk where other dog-owners in the area go. Popular dog walking areas are always great places to meet other dog-owners - it's hard not to admire each other's pets and swap pet-owning stories.
5. Volunteer to do something helpful. There are always places looking for help like soup kitchens or child-mentoring organizations. You'll benefit your community and are sure to come in contact with lots of people - especially like-minded ones who want to make a difference too.
6. Check your local newspaper for local events - there may be a new cafe opening or a new exhibition at the museum. Just because you haven't made any friends yet, it shouldn't be an excuse to stay indoors. The more you go out, the more likely you are to meet someone new...even if you don't, and at least you've been out and enjoyed yourself.
7. Make use of great websites for meeting people. They help you meet other people in your local area who also want to make friends, share interests, or network for business or social purposes. If you don't find a group you'd like to join, you could even use the site to start one yourself!
If you enjoyed this article, please feel free to post it to your site or blog and forward this link to your friends. Have a great day!
By Jonathan Boyd
What to Do When a Friend Betrays You
By Kare Anderson
Last month two friends broke trust. One offered to do something vital, didn't and didn't tell me. Another shared private information about me with a stranger. I don't know which felt worse. I do know it's a sign to re-learn lessons. Remember when you felt betrayed?
"Trust is the glue that holds relationships together." ~ Price Pritchett
Recall that hot flush of recognition when you first realized that someone you knew would act one way and didn't? What to do? How not to become bitter or wary? Funny how one betrayal is closely followed by another wrenching experience -- or so it seems. Even if one's life is on a fairly even keel, one trust-breaker situation makes the second one hit harder- if we let it.
"Sometimes you cannot believe what you see; you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too -- even when you're in the dark. Even when you are falling.~ Morrie Schwartz, quoted in Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom.
My first reaction was to re-run the wrenching situation in my mind, over and over, digging a deeper rut in my memory. Dumb, right? Those scenes dominated my thoughts more than the recent, joyful times. Consequently I viewed others through a cautious, constricted-heart lens. That begets a self-fulfilling prophecy. People feel put off.
"No idea will work if people don't trust your intentions toward them." ~ Marcus Buckingham, Now, Discover Your Strengths
We've all faced mind-grabbing breaks of trust, and will again. Conversely, we have betrayed another's trust and dodged rather than rectified the situation.
"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough." ~ Frank H. Crane
For more than a decade, I've studied, taught, and written about focusing attention on the positive parts of every interaction. Yet, like breathing, it isn't a one-time practice.
"Character is what you really are. Reputation is what people say you are. A person of character is trustworthy. The other kind looks for an easy way out." ~ John Wooden
Getting back to equilibrium means letting go of a better past. Every negative action comes from the root feeling of fear.
"Trust is the heartbeat of every significant relationship" ~ Cynthia L. Wall and Sue Patton Thoel
That does not mean we have to stand in the street and let the same car hit us again. The next time you lose trust, try taking these steps forward towards equanimity for yourself:
1. Let the full emotional effect of the betrayal sink in and don't re-run the scene more than three times.
2. Step into the other person's shoes to see the interaction their way. Is this a pattern in his behavior towards you or is it an anomaly?
3. Look to the part of that person's potentially positive intent, especially when he appeared to have none in that situation. You will see the whole picture more clearly and calmly.
4. Praise the part of that person's behavior you want to reinforce and to flourish. (Ironically, this is one of your most self-protective tools in such moments.)
5. Ask her for a time to talk. Then, in factual, non-blaming language, describe the specific behavior that bothered you. Next describe your feelings. Then wait for a response.
6. Listen closely and with an open heart and mind to the answer. If your picture of her actions was accurate, and if she is solely defensive -without offering a change in behavior, then you have learned a lot.
7. If someone breaks trust with you twice it is highly likely there'll be a third time so why place yourself in that position? My friend, Paul Geffner says we gather many friends and acquaintances over our lifetime. The key to living well with them is to recognize the right distance in which to hold them. Those you enjoy and trust you bring closer.
Asking someone to change behavior after you have described its ill effects on you, will seldom lead to positive change. More likely it will engender defensiveness and avoidance. Unfortunately, the relative power in the situation (who needs whom the most) will determine how you two communicate in the future. But it doesn't have to determine the safe distance you choose to have with that person.
8. Choose your distance. You always have three choices in any situation: Change how you act towards that person, accept her behavior or leave (avoid future contact.)
"No idea will work if people don't trust your intentions toward them." ~ Marcus Buckingham, Now, Discover Your Strengths
The lesson: Sooner, rather than later, take these steps. Choose what you can do positively for yourself rather than against another. The more quickly you'll climb out of that negative "re-run" rut of thoughts and toward the positive part of that person, the more likely you'll return to an even keel - and the more likely you'll be able to preserve a properly distanced relationship.
Last month two friends broke trust. One offered to do something vital, didn't and didn't tell me. Another shared private information about me with a stranger. I don't know which felt worse. I do know it's a sign to re-learn lessons. Remember when you felt betrayed?
"Trust is the glue that holds relationships together." ~ Price Pritchett
Recall that hot flush of recognition when you first realized that someone you knew would act one way and didn't? What to do? How not to become bitter or wary? Funny how one betrayal is closely followed by another wrenching experience -- or so it seems. Even if one's life is on a fairly even keel, one trust-breaker situation makes the second one hit harder- if we let it.
"Sometimes you cannot believe what you see; you have to believe what you feel. And if you are ever going to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them, too -- even when you're in the dark. Even when you are falling.~ Morrie Schwartz, quoted in Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom.
My first reaction was to re-run the wrenching situation in my mind, over and over, digging a deeper rut in my memory. Dumb, right? Those scenes dominated my thoughts more than the recent, joyful times. Consequently I viewed others through a cautious, constricted-heart lens. That begets a self-fulfilling prophecy. People feel put off.
"No idea will work if people don't trust your intentions toward them." ~ Marcus Buckingham, Now, Discover Your Strengths
We've all faced mind-grabbing breaks of trust, and will again. Conversely, we have betrayed another's trust and dodged rather than rectified the situation.
"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you don't trust enough." ~ Frank H. Crane
For more than a decade, I've studied, taught, and written about focusing attention on the positive parts of every interaction. Yet, like breathing, it isn't a one-time practice.
"Character is what you really are. Reputation is what people say you are. A person of character is trustworthy. The other kind looks for an easy way out." ~ John Wooden
Getting back to equilibrium means letting go of a better past. Every negative action comes from the root feeling of fear.
"Trust is the heartbeat of every significant relationship" ~ Cynthia L. Wall and Sue Patton Thoel
That does not mean we have to stand in the street and let the same car hit us again. The next time you lose trust, try taking these steps forward towards equanimity for yourself:
1. Let the full emotional effect of the betrayal sink in and don't re-run the scene more than three times.
2. Step into the other person's shoes to see the interaction their way. Is this a pattern in his behavior towards you or is it an anomaly?
3. Look to the part of that person's potentially positive intent, especially when he appeared to have none in that situation. You will see the whole picture more clearly and calmly.
4. Praise the part of that person's behavior you want to reinforce and to flourish. (Ironically, this is one of your most self-protective tools in such moments.)
5. Ask her for a time to talk. Then, in factual, non-blaming language, describe the specific behavior that bothered you. Next describe your feelings. Then wait for a response.
6. Listen closely and with an open heart and mind to the answer. If your picture of her actions was accurate, and if she is solely defensive -without offering a change in behavior, then you have learned a lot.
7. If someone breaks trust with you twice it is highly likely there'll be a third time so why place yourself in that position? My friend, Paul Geffner says we gather many friends and acquaintances over our lifetime. The key to living well with them is to recognize the right distance in which to hold them. Those you enjoy and trust you bring closer.
Asking someone to change behavior after you have described its ill effects on you, will seldom lead to positive change. More likely it will engender defensiveness and avoidance. Unfortunately, the relative power in the situation (who needs whom the most) will determine how you two communicate in the future. But it doesn't have to determine the safe distance you choose to have with that person.
8. Choose your distance. You always have three choices in any situation: Change how you act towards that person, accept her behavior or leave (avoid future contact.)
"No idea will work if people don't trust your intentions toward them." ~ Marcus Buckingham, Now, Discover Your Strengths
The lesson: Sooner, rather than later, take these steps. Choose what you can do positively for yourself rather than against another. The more quickly you'll climb out of that negative "re-run" rut of thoughts and toward the positive part of that person, the more likely you'll return to an even keel - and the more likely you'll be able to preserve a properly distanced relationship.
Becoming Your Best Self - How to Be a Good Neighbor
Be friendly, but not a pain in the butt. You don't want your neighbors to hide when they see you coming. Feel free to wave or smile, but read their response to your efforts to see how welcome your advances are. You also don't want to start out all Chatty Cathy if you like to keep a distance yourself. Once you've both passed the 'acquaintance line', there is no going back.
Return all their stuff quickly and in the same (or better) condition.Good neighbors allow nearby residents they trust to borrow tools or other implements. Whatever the tool is, the best way to maintain that trust is to bring the item back promptly and clean and ready to go. Your neighbor should never have to clean a tool you've borrowed.
Keep your pets on your property. While our neighbors are our neighbors, our pets are family. However, it's important to remember that not all people are pet people. And whether they enjoy or own pets themselves, your neighbors have no interest in cleaning up after your pets in their yard. Do whatever you need to do to keep your pets on your property.
Make sure your outside fits in with your neighbors' front yards. If every other yard is clean and spruce, you don't want to be the one with an overgrown lawn. While most people in our neighborhood keep their lawns trimmed, there is one person across the street who never seems to cut their grass. Trust me, most people spend time wishing she would move out and sell the house to someone with more house pride.
Be grateful for favors performed by your neighbors. Remember, they don't owe you or need to do it. Whatever favor they perform, they are doing it to be neighborly. So either return the favor in kind or surprise them with a gift certificate to a local eatery. You'll be glad you did when you ask them to do you another favor.
Mind your own business and respect their privacy. This is the number one rule to follow to be considered a good neighbor. No one likes a nosey Parker! Especially one that lives next door. Respect their privacy and they'll respect yours!
Keep sugar on hand for borrowing! (or at least a sugar substitute!)It's a time-honored tradition to borrow a cup of sugar. I have no idea where it originated, but there's no sense messing with history. I'd hate to have a neighbor come to the door with an empty cup and go away without their favorite sweetener!
Return all their stuff quickly and in the same (or better) condition.Good neighbors allow nearby residents they trust to borrow tools or other implements. Whatever the tool is, the best way to maintain that trust is to bring the item back promptly and clean and ready to go. Your neighbor should never have to clean a tool you've borrowed.
Keep your pets on your property. While our neighbors are our neighbors, our pets are family. However, it's important to remember that not all people are pet people. And whether they enjoy or own pets themselves, your neighbors have no interest in cleaning up after your pets in their yard. Do whatever you need to do to keep your pets on your property.
Make sure your outside fits in with your neighbors' front yards. If every other yard is clean and spruce, you don't want to be the one with an overgrown lawn. While most people in our neighborhood keep their lawns trimmed, there is one person across the street who never seems to cut their grass. Trust me, most people spend time wishing she would move out and sell the house to someone with more house pride.
Be grateful for favors performed by your neighbors. Remember, they don't owe you or need to do it. Whatever favor they perform, they are doing it to be neighborly. So either return the favor in kind or surprise them with a gift certificate to a local eatery. You'll be glad you did when you ask them to do you another favor.
Mind your own business and respect their privacy. This is the number one rule to follow to be considered a good neighbor. No one likes a nosey Parker! Especially one that lives next door. Respect their privacy and they'll respect yours!
Keep sugar on hand for borrowing! (or at least a sugar substitute!)It's a time-honored tradition to borrow a cup of sugar. I have no idea where it originated, but there's no sense messing with history. I'd hate to have a neighbor come to the door with an empty cup and go away without their favorite sweetener!
Friday, August 28, 2009
10 Creative Ways to Bond a Friendship
By Krystalina Soash
Male or female friendships are valuable and sometimes friendships can be taken for granted. Fortunately, there are some things you can do to bond that friendship. Following are just ten creative ways to do just that.
Ten Creative Ways to Bond a Friendship
1. Join a Social Group: It may be a reading, recreational, music, biking, hiking, or just a good clean fun group that doesn't give out homework.
2. Take a Class Together: Whether it's for academic or fun purposes it's great to take a class with a friend. You can compare notes and have fun doing it.
3. Do Volunteer Work: Offer to go as a team to help out at a reading group, helping kids with homework, bagging food at a food shelf, or shelving books at your local library.
4. Go to a Movie: Going to a movie together is a positive experience because you both see the movie at the same time and you can talk about it right after.
5. Take up a Hobby: Taking up a hobby together can be a lot of fun. Just remember not to turn your hobby into a job. Landscaping and gardening make fun hobbies.
6. Visit Someone in the Hospital: Walking in together to visit someone you both know can take off that uneasiness you may feel when walking into a hospital. Cheer somebody up.
7. Take Early Morning Walks: If you live within a short distance of each other, a morning walk on a nature trail can be very invigorating and bonding while your mind is still clear.
8. Share Your Goals: Sharing your goals with a friend is helpful because you are held accountable for your goals and can also bounce ideas regarding your goals.
9. Watch a Documentary: Watching a documentary together can be quite enlightening. You get to admit to each other what you didn't know about the topic. Learn together.
10. Visit the Zoo: Visiting the Zoo with a friend can be a fantastic way to enjoy a full day of learning new things about animals, besides, seeing new species with someone is fun.
The best part of doing these types of creative activities with your friend, is that years down the road you will still be talking about what you did together and you'll be saying, "Remember when..." This is the greatest reward of bonding with a friend.
By Krystalina Soash
Male or female friendships are valuable and sometimes friendships can be taken for granted. Fortunately, there are some things you can do to bond that friendship. Following are just ten creative ways to do just that.
Ten Creative Ways to Bond a Friendship
1. Join a Social Group: It may be a reading, recreational, music, biking, hiking, or just a good clean fun group that doesn't give out homework.
2. Take a Class Together: Whether it's for academic or fun purposes it's great to take a class with a friend. You can compare notes and have fun doing it.
3. Do Volunteer Work: Offer to go as a team to help out at a reading group, helping kids with homework, bagging food at a food shelf, or shelving books at your local library.
4. Go to a Movie: Going to a movie together is a positive experience because you both see the movie at the same time and you can talk about it right after.
5. Take up a Hobby: Taking up a hobby together can be a lot of fun. Just remember not to turn your hobby into a job. Landscaping and gardening make fun hobbies.
6. Visit Someone in the Hospital: Walking in together to visit someone you both know can take off that uneasiness you may feel when walking into a hospital. Cheer somebody up.
7. Take Early Morning Walks: If you live within a short distance of each other, a morning walk on a nature trail can be very invigorating and bonding while your mind is still clear.
8. Share Your Goals: Sharing your goals with a friend is helpful because you are held accountable for your goals and can also bounce ideas regarding your goals.
9. Watch a Documentary: Watching a documentary together can be quite enlightening. You get to admit to each other what you didn't know about the topic. Learn together.
10. Visit the Zoo: Visiting the Zoo with a friend can be a fantastic way to enjoy a full day of learning new things about animals, besides, seeing new species with someone is fun.
The best part of doing these types of creative activities with your friend, is that years down the road you will still be talking about what you did together and you'll be saying, "Remember when..." This is the greatest reward of bonding with a friend.
By Krystalina Soash
Turn Enemies Into Friends
By David Z
Imagine all the enemies in your life converted to rewarding, lasting friendships, wouldn't that be something? How many more friends would you have? How would that change your outlook on life? Obviously, only positive outcomes could occur, but is it possible? You'll be surprised to find that not only is it possible, but easy and even fun! Here are some tips to convert your most despised enemies into long lasting friendships.
Discuss with them, things that neutral. Avoid topics that may lead to why you two aren't friends in the first place. Discuss things that don't contribute to a mutual hatred. Try to talk about things that they are good at. Complement them for what they have achieved. This conveys that there is little hostility felt by you. If you keep a respectful manor, no matter what happened in the past, your rival will do the same. But be sure not to be too nice or it will seem like you have no intention of becoming building a friendship, rather, simply condescending or teasing them.
Discuss something that is a shared passion between the two of you. (If you both like: pets, sports, etc.). Nothing will unite two people as a mutual passion for something will. There will always be something you two feel similarly about even if it doesn't seem like it.
Ask for their advice. Not only does this help with making enemies, friends, it can be used to make friends in general. Asking for advice from someone displays a deep sentiment of trust and respect for the recipient.
Make sure, when they are not around, you maintain the same level of respect you would if they were standing right next to you. Do not speak negatively about them to other people, try to avoid the topic of your enemy altogether but if forced, be sure to speak only positively. The worst thing that can happened when starting a new friendship is for them to hear your gossips, especially from others.
Treat them as you would any other friend, this means telling jokes, showing empathy, etc. Act normal. This will make them feel as though you two have been friends for a long time and will allow them to forget the differences in the past.
After they have become a relatively trusted and close friend, tell that you are sorry for what happened in the past and that you hope that you two could put it all behind. At this stage, they will likely follow suit. Create a productive friendship. Invite them over for a family gathering, a barbeque. Invite them to go camping. The possibilities are endless. By doing this, you are ensuring that the friendship endures for many years.
There you have it, you are now ready to convert your most hated enemies into your most trusted friends.
David is an avid article writer and has been working in IM world for many years.
By David Z
Imagine all the enemies in your life converted to rewarding, lasting friendships, wouldn't that be something? How many more friends would you have? How would that change your outlook on life? Obviously, only positive outcomes could occur, but is it possible? You'll be surprised to find that not only is it possible, but easy and even fun! Here are some tips to convert your most despised enemies into long lasting friendships.
Discuss with them, things that neutral. Avoid topics that may lead to why you two aren't friends in the first place. Discuss things that don't contribute to a mutual hatred. Try to talk about things that they are good at. Complement them for what they have achieved. This conveys that there is little hostility felt by you. If you keep a respectful manor, no matter what happened in the past, your rival will do the same. But be sure not to be too nice or it will seem like you have no intention of becoming building a friendship, rather, simply condescending or teasing them.
Discuss something that is a shared passion between the two of you. (If you both like: pets, sports, etc.). Nothing will unite two people as a mutual passion for something will. There will always be something you two feel similarly about even if it doesn't seem like it.
Ask for their advice. Not only does this help with making enemies, friends, it can be used to make friends in general. Asking for advice from someone displays a deep sentiment of trust and respect for the recipient.
Make sure, when they are not around, you maintain the same level of respect you would if they were standing right next to you. Do not speak negatively about them to other people, try to avoid the topic of your enemy altogether but if forced, be sure to speak only positively. The worst thing that can happened when starting a new friendship is for them to hear your gossips, especially from others.
Treat them as you would any other friend, this means telling jokes, showing empathy, etc. Act normal. This will make them feel as though you two have been friends for a long time and will allow them to forget the differences in the past.
After they have become a relatively trusted and close friend, tell that you are sorry for what happened in the past and that you hope that you two could put it all behind. At this stage, they will likely follow suit. Create a productive friendship. Invite them over for a family gathering, a barbeque. Invite them to go camping. The possibilities are endless. By doing this, you are ensuring that the friendship endures for many years.
There you have it, you are now ready to convert your most hated enemies into your most trusted friends.
David is an avid article writer and has been working in IM world for many years.
By David Z
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Can a Marriage Survive an Affair
By Douglas Quinn
Sometimes couples find themselves asking each other "can our marriage survive an affair?" And that is a difficult question to answer. There are so many factors that are involved in determining if a marriage can work when an affair has caused waves within the marriage. It really depends on the couple and the circumstances that caused the affair. Did the husband go outside the marriage bed to look for a one night stand? Or did the wife start with holding sexual relations because of an illness or out of spite for her spouse. Or maybe the affair happened because the wife was weak, in mental anguish and was looking for something that her spouse could not provide her a warm shoulder to cry on.
When it comes down to the survival of a marriage, it does not matter if the action in question is an affair, financial woos or just plain discontent for each other. Every marriage can be repaired if both spouses are willing to start at square one and start rebuilding the marriage block by block.
Here are a few tips to help you rebuild your marriage
• Start communicating with each other. Sit down and start a conversation about the affair. Take turns talking by using an egg timer. If it is your turn to listen, do just that. Do not break in on the conversation to correct your spouse. Let them vent then you will get your turn after their 5 minutes is up. Keep the conversation smooth and calm. No finger pointing. Use this time to try to identify why the affair happened and how the both of you can make sure that it will never happen again.
• Forgive each other. This is the hardest part of the process, but it is the most important. How is your marriage going to be able to continue if there is no forgiveness? You can forgive without putting your trust on the table. Simply acknowledge that you understand why the affair happened and that you forgive your spouse. Your trust will need to be earned back slowly.
• Find the romance again. Now this can be the fun part of the process. Go out on dates and get to know each other again. Remember that you are both human and we all need some time to reconnect with our spouses. Work together to find that spark that the two of you once had for each other prior to your wedding day
By Douglas Quinn
Sometimes couples find themselves asking each other "can our marriage survive an affair?" And that is a difficult question to answer. There are so many factors that are involved in determining if a marriage can work when an affair has caused waves within the marriage. It really depends on the couple and the circumstances that caused the affair. Did the husband go outside the marriage bed to look for a one night stand? Or did the wife start with holding sexual relations because of an illness or out of spite for her spouse. Or maybe the affair happened because the wife was weak, in mental anguish and was looking for something that her spouse could not provide her a warm shoulder to cry on.
When it comes down to the survival of a marriage, it does not matter if the action in question is an affair, financial woos or just plain discontent for each other. Every marriage can be repaired if both spouses are willing to start at square one and start rebuilding the marriage block by block.
Here are a few tips to help you rebuild your marriage
• Start communicating with each other. Sit down and start a conversation about the affair. Take turns talking by using an egg timer. If it is your turn to listen, do just that. Do not break in on the conversation to correct your spouse. Let them vent then you will get your turn after their 5 minutes is up. Keep the conversation smooth and calm. No finger pointing. Use this time to try to identify why the affair happened and how the both of you can make sure that it will never happen again.
• Forgive each other. This is the hardest part of the process, but it is the most important. How is your marriage going to be able to continue if there is no forgiveness? You can forgive without putting your trust on the table. Simply acknowledge that you understand why the affair happened and that you forgive your spouse. Your trust will need to be earned back slowly.
• Find the romance again. Now this can be the fun part of the process. Go out on dates and get to know each other again. Remember that you are both human and we all need some time to reconnect with our spouses. Work together to find that spark that the two of you once had for each other prior to your wedding day
By Douglas Quinn
Infidelity Signs - Learning the Signs of Infidelity
By Travis S
Statistics showed that half or men's population who suspects that their partner is cheating is correct and almost 90% of women who recognize infidelity signs are right. Given these numbers, one can actually say that women are almost always right when they see signs of infidelity on their partners. If you are out looking for the signs, you can take a look below and see if it applies.
Seemingly endless business trips - The most common situation where infidelity occurs is when it presents itself. If you notice him having business trips almost every week and it seems to be endless, chances are this is already one of the infidelity signs you should be watching for.
Habitual absence from home - He always manages to find excuses to stay away from home. Late conferences, over time work, last minute meeting, seminars, etc. When this absence from home becomes a habit, there is a greater chance that he is cheating on you.
Everything becomes suddenly mysterious - His phone is off-limits. He has credit cards you absolutely know nothing about. He turns off computer as soon as he senses someone is coming. He doesn't let you hear when he is talking on his phone. These are simple things but are significant when learning the signs of infidelity.
Refusal to be picked up from airport - For any particular excuse he makes up, he refuses to let you pick him up from the airport even when it is the most convenient thing to do. Usually, the reason behind this is because he is actually not at the airport.
Different smell from his clothes - Have you ever done the laundry and smelled different smell from his clothes aside from his usual perfume? You can almost tell that it is one of the signs. In fact, it is one of the common signs.
It doesn't really matter how you read infidelity signs but whether you accept the truth or not, always remember that people can lie but numbers don't. If you think that almost 90% of all women who notices these signs are wrong, it is all up to you.
How do you discover signs of infidelity and catch a cheating spouse within seconds? There are efficient ways and methods you could learn in order for you to uncover the truth and reveal his secret. You can guarantee that the results are positive and certainly you do not want to close your door on this opportunity
By Travis S
Statistics showed that half or men's population who suspects that their partner is cheating is correct and almost 90% of women who recognize infidelity signs are right. Given these numbers, one can actually say that women are almost always right when they see signs of infidelity on their partners. If you are out looking for the signs, you can take a look below and see if it applies.
Seemingly endless business trips - The most common situation where infidelity occurs is when it presents itself. If you notice him having business trips almost every week and it seems to be endless, chances are this is already one of the infidelity signs you should be watching for.
Habitual absence from home - He always manages to find excuses to stay away from home. Late conferences, over time work, last minute meeting, seminars, etc. When this absence from home becomes a habit, there is a greater chance that he is cheating on you.
Everything becomes suddenly mysterious - His phone is off-limits. He has credit cards you absolutely know nothing about. He turns off computer as soon as he senses someone is coming. He doesn't let you hear when he is talking on his phone. These are simple things but are significant when learning the signs of infidelity.
Refusal to be picked up from airport - For any particular excuse he makes up, he refuses to let you pick him up from the airport even when it is the most convenient thing to do. Usually, the reason behind this is because he is actually not at the airport.
Different smell from his clothes - Have you ever done the laundry and smelled different smell from his clothes aside from his usual perfume? You can almost tell that it is one of the signs. In fact, it is one of the common signs.
It doesn't really matter how you read infidelity signs but whether you accept the truth or not, always remember that people can lie but numbers don't. If you think that almost 90% of all women who notices these signs are wrong, it is all up to you.
How do you discover signs of infidelity and catch a cheating spouse within seconds? There are efficient ways and methods you could learn in order for you to uncover the truth and reveal his secret. You can guarantee that the results are positive and certainly you do not want to close your door on this opportunity
By Travis S
Friday, August 21, 2009
How to Deal With Rude Neighbors
By Adrienne Manson
Firstly use love. Always greet your neighbor with genuine love although their goal may be to be confrontational. Love does conquer all.
Long-Suffering. Learn to use long-suffering. Usually individuals who are difficult or rude comes from a seed of bitterness within, which they are refusing to deal with. You must be able to demonstrate long-suffering when living next to difficult neighbors.
Gentleness. Use gentleness during the moments when your rude neighbor gives you "the attitude". When they see your gentleness they will learn "the attitude" is not working for them. Faith. It is going to take your faith in action to believe there is a good person inside your rude neighbor. The faith you have is what they need in order to receive assistance in finding his/her way out of rudeness.
Peace. Having a spirit of peace radiating and exuding from your presence can be felt by those around you rude as well as kind-hearted neighbors. Having peace within you will be the most helpful resource when your neighbor is at his/her worst.
Lastly, being patient is the most important factor. Dealing with rude and/or difficult people is always a challenge. One thought to keep in mind is to know a rude person has either been hurt, and/or wronged by a close friend, and in some cases a family member. Rude individual tend to hold on to bitterness, and are resentful toward everyone. Whatever they say to you that is unkind never take it personally, in most cases it is the only way they know how to handle their hurt.
Patience will take you a long way, as the old saying goes patience is a virtue.
By Adrienne Manson
Firstly use love. Always greet your neighbor with genuine love although their goal may be to be confrontational. Love does conquer all.
Long-Suffering. Learn to use long-suffering. Usually individuals who are difficult or rude comes from a seed of bitterness within, which they are refusing to deal with. You must be able to demonstrate long-suffering when living next to difficult neighbors.
Gentleness. Use gentleness during the moments when your rude neighbor gives you "the attitude". When they see your gentleness they will learn "the attitude" is not working for them. Faith. It is going to take your faith in action to believe there is a good person inside your rude neighbor. The faith you have is what they need in order to receive assistance in finding his/her way out of rudeness.
Peace. Having a spirit of peace radiating and exuding from your presence can be felt by those around you rude as well as kind-hearted neighbors. Having peace within you will be the most helpful resource when your neighbor is at his/her worst.
Lastly, being patient is the most important factor. Dealing with rude and/or difficult people is always a challenge. One thought to keep in mind is to know a rude person has either been hurt, and/or wronged by a close friend, and in some cases a family member. Rude individual tend to hold on to bitterness, and are resentful toward everyone. Whatever they say to you that is unkind never take it personally, in most cases it is the only way they know how to handle their hurt.
Patience will take you a long way, as the old saying goes patience is a virtue.
By Adrienne Manson
The Process and Barriers of Communication
By Dawn Ardent
By Dawn Ardent
The process of communication
We often ignore the process of communication and focus only on the meaning of some of the words being carried. The process of communication can be simplified thus:
the speaker formulates his thoughts to himself
the speaker finds words to describe and encode his thoughts with
the speaker transfers the words to the listener through air by speaking
the listener recognizes and decodes the words
the listener assigns meanings to the words based on past experience Simple, isn't it? It is important to understand the process of communication, because communication can become distorted and erroneous at any of those steps. If the process of communication is repeated many times, the probability of errors is reduced - the speaker and the listener can achieve an accord of mutual understanding. Remember that communication is never complete or infallible, but can only be reliable to a satisfactory degree.
Barriers of communication
There are two main barriers of communication: unwillingness to communicate and inability to communicate.
If one of the participants is unwilling to communicate, it is obvious that communication will fail to be. Another, less obvious barrier of communication is when a participant is unwilling to understand, or worse yet, unwilling to tolerate emotionally. Such unwillingness often stems from subconscious fears.
Inability to communicate can be present because of obvious physical reasons (eg. you can't send an email if your internet connection is down). However, inability to communicate can also be present because the speaker does not understand his thoughts sufficiently or otherwise fails to formulate them into words. Such inability often stems from insufficient understanding of oneself.
There can be plenty of barriers of communication, and in case of a breakdown of communication analyzing the barriers can point to a helpful solution.
By Dawn Ardent
The process of communication
We often ignore the process of communication and focus only on the meaning of some of the words being carried. The process of communication can be simplified thus:
the speaker formulates his thoughts to himself
the speaker finds words to describe and encode his thoughts with
the speaker transfers the words to the listener through air by speaking
the listener recognizes and decodes the words
the listener assigns meanings to the words based on past experience Simple, isn't it? It is important to understand the process of communication, because communication can become distorted and erroneous at any of those steps. If the process of communication is repeated many times, the probability of errors is reduced - the speaker and the listener can achieve an accord of mutual understanding. Remember that communication is never complete or infallible, but can only be reliable to a satisfactory degree.
Barriers of communication
There are two main barriers of communication: unwillingness to communicate and inability to communicate.
If one of the participants is unwilling to communicate, it is obvious that communication will fail to be. Another, less obvious barrier of communication is when a participant is unwilling to understand, or worse yet, unwilling to tolerate emotionally. Such unwillingness often stems from subconscious fears.
Inability to communicate can be present because of obvious physical reasons (eg. you can't send an email if your internet connection is down). However, inability to communicate can also be present because the speaker does not understand his thoughts sufficiently or otherwise fails to formulate them into words. Such inability often stems from insufficient understanding of oneself.
There can be plenty of barriers of communication, and in case of a breakdown of communication analyzing the barriers can point to a helpful solution.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Spot an Abuser on Your First Date
By Frances Elizabeth
In my book "Be Careful Who You Marry" I account the controlling and abusive nature of my ex-husband. The abuse began early on in our relationship. While I began to recount when the abuse started I noticed something very unusual. The control and abuse actually began on our first date. Here is what I observed:
1. Needy Behavior: My ex-husband exhibited needy behavior immediately. During our first date he told me he missed me. He didn't know me well enough to miss me. He actually began using such words before we went out on our first date. I thought to myself this guy isn't afraid to open up and tell me his feelings. What I didn't know is that abusers will use any means necessary to gain your trust so that he can have control over you even expressing a desperate need for relationship.
2. Jealousy: As we sat and waited for our server to take our order my-ex-husband noticed a nice looking gentleman coming up behind me. I watched him walk by our table. He was dressed very well. I admired this gentleman for his well-groomed appearance. My-husband then asked if that was the kind of guy I liked. I didn't entertain the question nor did I answer it. Shortly after the server came and took our order and my ex-husband mentioned that he saw him looking at me. I was flattered that I was being noticed, but pointing out that the server was looking at me should have been a red flag. My ex was a jealous person. As the relationship progressed his jealous actions - texting me or calling me to constantly locate my whereabouts, making me dress the way he wanted me to dress, or creating situations to make me feel guilty about going places by myself, was all disguised as concern. The concern was jealousy and control.
3. Quick Commitment: My ex-husband asked me the strangest question on our first date. He asked me to be his girlfriend. He wanted me to commit to him right away. A lot of his conversation during our first date was him expressing his love for me. He used words like "you are the only one for me, it's like at first site, you are the only one who I ever talked to like this." Abusers often pressure their victims into committing to a relationship and will make you feel guilty for not doing so. After I initially turned down his offer to commit to him right away, he continued to tell me how much he loved me and could see us getting married. After a week and a half of this sort of pressure disguised as confessing his love for me I gave in. It felt like love, I really did believe that he loved me. In hindsight it was his way of controlling me.
This article is based in my personal experience with abuse and when abuse began in my relationship with ex-husband. Not all abusers give themselves away on the first date, however I do believe that abuse can be recognized early in the relationship.
By Frances Elizabeth
In my book "Be Careful Who You Marry" I account the controlling and abusive nature of my ex-husband. The abuse began early on in our relationship. While I began to recount when the abuse started I noticed something very unusual. The control and abuse actually began on our first date. Here is what I observed:
1. Needy Behavior: My ex-husband exhibited needy behavior immediately. During our first date he told me he missed me. He didn't know me well enough to miss me. He actually began using such words before we went out on our first date. I thought to myself this guy isn't afraid to open up and tell me his feelings. What I didn't know is that abusers will use any means necessary to gain your trust so that he can have control over you even expressing a desperate need for relationship.
2. Jealousy: As we sat and waited for our server to take our order my-ex-husband noticed a nice looking gentleman coming up behind me. I watched him walk by our table. He was dressed very well. I admired this gentleman for his well-groomed appearance. My-husband then asked if that was the kind of guy I liked. I didn't entertain the question nor did I answer it. Shortly after the server came and took our order and my ex-husband mentioned that he saw him looking at me. I was flattered that I was being noticed, but pointing out that the server was looking at me should have been a red flag. My ex was a jealous person. As the relationship progressed his jealous actions - texting me or calling me to constantly locate my whereabouts, making me dress the way he wanted me to dress, or creating situations to make me feel guilty about going places by myself, was all disguised as concern. The concern was jealousy and control.
3. Quick Commitment: My ex-husband asked me the strangest question on our first date. He asked me to be his girlfriend. He wanted me to commit to him right away. A lot of his conversation during our first date was him expressing his love for me. He used words like "you are the only one for me, it's like at first site, you are the only one who I ever talked to like this." Abusers often pressure their victims into committing to a relationship and will make you feel guilty for not doing so. After I initially turned down his offer to commit to him right away, he continued to tell me how much he loved me and could see us getting married. After a week and a half of this sort of pressure disguised as confessing his love for me I gave in. It felt like love, I really did believe that he loved me. In hindsight it was his way of controlling me.
This article is based in my personal experience with abuse and when abuse began in my relationship with ex-husband. Not all abusers give themselves away on the first date, however I do believe that abuse can be recognized early in the relationship.
By Frances Elizabeth
When Love Leaves Scars
By Steve L Myers
Part 1
The devil in my case never wore Prada but a tight red mini skirt. I was a restaurant manager when this woman walked into my establishment and for a brief moment it seemed as my world stopped for a moment. She was both beautiful and captivating. Once I learned she was there to apply for a job I was as happy as a child in a candy store.
Once she started working with me things in our relationship moved fast and swirled out of control in no time. Her cousin who also worked at the restaurant warned me to stay away stating her cousin had serious issues. Her mother was killed in her presence all over a guy. Within 60 days we were residing together and things were just about to get worse.
One night after having sex she asked me if I still love my wife who at the time I was separated from. When I replied with a yes and tried to explain that we had history and 3 children together. She simply went ballistic throwing a lamp and anything else that she could get her hands on. I was afraid and when I couldn't get things under control I called the police.
When the police arrived I did as most woman who are victims of domestic violence I simply lied. I sugar coated the scenario and the police left without knowing the true story. I knew she needed help and I was not going to be the one who turned his back on her. She needed help and I thought I could simply love her enough and everything would be okay.
She controlled every aspect of my life and I didn't know what to do. It wasn't long before before I couldn't call my children without getting into a fight. The police were at our apartment on a regular basis. I wanted out but there seemed to be no way to freedom. All thoughts of freedom would soon be erased when she walked in the restaurant and announced that she was pregnant. I lost my job when my boss called my home phone and heard a message that simply stated that we were both living together. If life wasn't already crazy now we were about to bring a child into this mess.
By Steve L Myers
Part 1
The devil in my case never wore Prada but a tight red mini skirt. I was a restaurant manager when this woman walked into my establishment and for a brief moment it seemed as my world stopped for a moment. She was both beautiful and captivating. Once I learned she was there to apply for a job I was as happy as a child in a candy store.
Once she started working with me things in our relationship moved fast and swirled out of control in no time. Her cousin who also worked at the restaurant warned me to stay away stating her cousin had serious issues. Her mother was killed in her presence all over a guy. Within 60 days we were residing together and things were just about to get worse.
One night after having sex she asked me if I still love my wife who at the time I was separated from. When I replied with a yes and tried to explain that we had history and 3 children together. She simply went ballistic throwing a lamp and anything else that she could get her hands on. I was afraid and when I couldn't get things under control I called the police.
When the police arrived I did as most woman who are victims of domestic violence I simply lied. I sugar coated the scenario and the police left without knowing the true story. I knew she needed help and I was not going to be the one who turned his back on her. She needed help and I thought I could simply love her enough and everything would be okay.
She controlled every aspect of my life and I didn't know what to do. It wasn't long before before I couldn't call my children without getting into a fight. The police were at our apartment on a regular basis. I wanted out but there seemed to be no way to freedom. All thoughts of freedom would soon be erased when she walked in the restaurant and announced that she was pregnant. I lost my job when my boss called my home phone and heard a message that simply stated that we were both living together. If life wasn't already crazy now we were about to bring a child into this mess.
By Steve L Myers
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