By Rebecca Perry
Breast size and weight are two issues women struggle with the most. Society has placed a great deal of emphasis on outward appearance. Differences in body types make us who we are. Some women feel uncomfortable with their weight or their bust size and that is perfectly natural. Confidence is a quality that makes us who we are. Many men say a confident woman is a sexy woman. When a woman isn't comfortable with her body, she doesn't display that air of confidence that attracts potential partners. Herbal remedies, hormone therapy and surgery are the three most popular ways to increase breast size and fullness.
Weight and Breast Size
Because of the amount of fatty tissue in the breast, when a woman loses weight she also loses some fullness in her bust. The opposite is generally true for a woman who gains weight. Unfortunately weight gain isn't the healthy way to increase bust size, and it doesn't always work as planned. Some women request hormone therapy as a more natural form of breast enhancement. Hormone levels have a great impact on breast size, shape and fullness. Hormone therapy often has other undesirable side effects that make it a less viable.
Surgical Breast Enhancement
Surgical enhancement is considered major surgery and should be considered very carefully. It is not covered by most major insurances because it is not considered a necessary surgery. Complications include infection, rupture and loss of sensation. About 16 percent of women who undergo surgery report complications. Of that 16 percent, 1 percent requires additional surgery to repair issues caused by the initial enhancement.
Natural Breast Enhancement
Sometimes surgery simply isn't the answer. Many women choose to use natural remedies in pill or cream form. Certain herbs have proven effective in their ability to increase the size and firmness of the breast. Used with consistency, herbal remedies provide very positive results. Herbs such as fenugreek are rich in substances that aid in the development of mammary glands. Fennel seed contains flavonoids that help repair and stimulate new tissue growth.
Other herbs such as black cohosh produce results similar to drugs used in hormone replacement therapy. Herbal remedies rarely produce harmful side effects. Even though they're considered a healthy alternative medicine, check with your doctor before using herbs to self treat. Always read the instructions printed on the bottle carefully. Even herbs run the risk of overdose, although it is a small risk.
Benefits of Natural Breast Enhancement
Unlike surgery, which is permanent whether good or bad, herbal enhancers are all natural and completely in your control. They allow you to control how many cup sizes you increase. Stop treatment when you feel you've reached the size you're comfortable with. Resume treatment at any time if you decide you want more fullness or even another cup size.
Remember, a confident woman is a sexy woman. When a woman looks and feels her best, she soars above the rest. The added benefits of herbal remedies allow a full-body transition, not just larger, fuller breasts. The results are permanent and newly formed tissue does not go away when you stop taking the supplement.
In addition to enhancing the size, shape and fullness of the breast, herbal remedies provide many more health benefits. Other benefits may include improved thyroid function, hormonal balancing, fewer menstrual problems and improved hair and nail growth. The overall benefits of natural breast enhancement as opposed to surgery are phenomenal.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Foods to Make Your Breasts Grow Bigger
By Jenny Bolton
Getting bigger breasts is a big wish for many women, but there's been a "mystery" surrounding it for many years. The reality is that making your breasts grow bigger is actually a lot easier than you might think. It's all to do with a hormone that every woman has in her body, and the foods that make that hormone grow your breasts for you...
The reason why some women have big breasts and some have small breasts is all down to a hormone inside us called Estrogen, and getting more of this hormone is the key to making your breasts grow bigger. You see, Estrogen is a natural hormone which gives us all our womanly features. It's the single most important factor in a woman's body, which makes us develop breasts and have a menstrual cycle, etc.
The reason why I'm talking about Estrogen is because it's this hormone which decides how much our breasts grow. In lamens terms, it's like a "magic formula" which tells your brain to grow boobs when you are 13 and to stop growing them when you're 15-18. But unfortunately for many women, Estrogen told your brain to stop growing your breasts before they were as big as you would like... meaning that they now seem to be underdeveloped or small.
Fixing this is actually very simple. After puberty stopped your breasts growing, it just left enough Estrogen to keep your breasts the same size for the rest of your adult life. To make your breasts grow again, you simply need to eat the foods which are going to introduce a lot more estrogen into your body, telling your brain to make your breasts start growing again.
Luckily, Estrogen is a naturally occurring substance, which is present in many foods. Soy-based foods, herbs such as sage and rosemary, and even fruits such as oranges, contain enough natural Estrogen to make your breasts grow up to 1-2 cup sizes. However, you can't just eat all these foods and hope your boobs will grow. You need to eat them in a certain amount each day in order for there to be no unwanted side effects.
Getting bigger breasts is a big wish for many women, but there's been a "mystery" surrounding it for many years. The reality is that making your breasts grow bigger is actually a lot easier than you might think. It's all to do with a hormone that every woman has in her body, and the foods that make that hormone grow your breasts for you...
The reason why some women have big breasts and some have small breasts is all down to a hormone inside us called Estrogen, and getting more of this hormone is the key to making your breasts grow bigger. You see, Estrogen is a natural hormone which gives us all our womanly features. It's the single most important factor in a woman's body, which makes us develop breasts and have a menstrual cycle, etc.
The reason why I'm talking about Estrogen is because it's this hormone which decides how much our breasts grow. In lamens terms, it's like a "magic formula" which tells your brain to grow boobs when you are 13 and to stop growing them when you're 15-18. But unfortunately for many women, Estrogen told your brain to stop growing your breasts before they were as big as you would like... meaning that they now seem to be underdeveloped or small.
Fixing this is actually very simple. After puberty stopped your breasts growing, it just left enough Estrogen to keep your breasts the same size for the rest of your adult life. To make your breasts grow again, you simply need to eat the foods which are going to introduce a lot more estrogen into your body, telling your brain to make your breasts start growing again.
Luckily, Estrogen is a naturally occurring substance, which is present in many foods. Soy-based foods, herbs such as sage and rosemary, and even fruits such as oranges, contain enough natural Estrogen to make your breasts grow up to 1-2 cup sizes. However, you can't just eat all these foods and hope your boobs will grow. You need to eat them in a certain amount each day in order for there to be no unwanted side effects.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Foods to Make Your Breasts Grow Bigger
By Jenny Bolton
Getting bigger breasts is a big wish for many women, but there's been a "mystery" surrounding it for many years. The reality is that making your breasts grow bigger is actually a lot easier than you might think. It's all to do with a hormone that every woman has in her body, and the foods that make that hormone grow your breasts for you...
The reason why some women have big breasts and some have small breasts is all down to a hormone inside us called Estrogen, and getting more of this hormone is the key to making your breasts grow bigger. You see, Estrogen is a natural hormone which gives us all our womanly features. It's the single most important factor in a woman's body, which makes us develop breasts and have a menstrual cycle, etc.
The reason why I'm talking about Estrogen is because it's this hormone which decides how much our breasts grow. In lamens terms, it's like a "magic formula" which tells your brain to grow boobs when you are 13 and to stop growing them when you're 15-18. But unfortunately for many women, Estrogen told your brain to stop growing your breasts before they were as big as you would like... meaning that they now seem to be underdeveloped or small.
Fixing this is actually very simple. After puberty stopped your breasts growing, it just left enough Estrogen to keep your breasts the same size for the rest of your adult life. To make your breasts grow again, you simply need to eat the foods which are going to introduce a lot more estrogen into your body, telling your brain to make your breasts start growing again.
Luckily, Estrogen is a naturally occurring substance, which is present in many foods. Soy-based foods, herbs such as sage and rosemary, and even fruits such as oranges, contain enough natural Estrogen to make your breasts grow up to 1-2 cup sizes. However, you can't just eat all these foods and hope your boobs will grow. You need to eat them in a certain amount each day in order for there to be no unwanted side effects.
Getting bigger breasts is a big wish for many women, but there's been a "mystery" surrounding it for many years. The reality is that making your breasts grow bigger is actually a lot easier than you might think. It's all to do with a hormone that every woman has in her body, and the foods that make that hormone grow your breasts for you...
The reason why some women have big breasts and some have small breasts is all down to a hormone inside us called Estrogen, and getting more of this hormone is the key to making your breasts grow bigger. You see, Estrogen is a natural hormone which gives us all our womanly features. It's the single most important factor in a woman's body, which makes us develop breasts and have a menstrual cycle, etc.
The reason why I'm talking about Estrogen is because it's this hormone which decides how much our breasts grow. In lamens terms, it's like a "magic formula" which tells your brain to grow boobs when you are 13 and to stop growing them when you're 15-18. But unfortunately for many women, Estrogen told your brain to stop growing your breasts before they were as big as you would like... meaning that they now seem to be underdeveloped or small.
Fixing this is actually very simple. After puberty stopped your breasts growing, it just left enough Estrogen to keep your breasts the same size for the rest of your adult life. To make your breasts grow again, you simply need to eat the foods which are going to introduce a lot more estrogen into your body, telling your brain to make your breasts start growing again.
Luckily, Estrogen is a naturally occurring substance, which is present in many foods. Soy-based foods, herbs such as sage and rosemary, and even fruits such as oranges, contain enough natural Estrogen to make your breasts grow up to 1-2 cup sizes. However, you can't just eat all these foods and hope your boobs will grow. You need to eat them in a certain amount each day in order for there to be no unwanted side effects.
How to Get Bigger Breasts With No Surgery
By Rebecca Perry
Breast size and weight are two issues women struggle with the most. Society has placed a great deal of emphasis on outward appearance. Differences in body types make us who we are. Some women feel uncomfortable with their weight or their bust size and that is perfectly natural. Confidence is a quality that makes us who we are. Many men say a confident woman is a sexy woman. When a woman isn't comfortable with her body, she doesn't display that air of confidence that attracts potential partners. Herbal remedies, hormone therapy and surgery are the three most popular ways to increase breast size and fullness.
Weight and Breast Size
Because of the amount of fatty tissue in the breast, when a woman loses weight she also loses some fullness in her bust. The opposite is generally true for a woman who gains weight. Unfortunately weight gain isn't the healthy way to increase bust size, and it doesn't always work as planned. Some women request hormone therapy as a more natural form of breast enhancement. Hormone levels have a great impact on breast size, shape and fullness. Hormone therapy often has other undesirable side effects that make it a less viable.
Surgical Breast Enhancement
Surgical enhancement is considered major surgery and should be considered very carefully. It is not covered by most major insurances because it is not considered a necessary surgery. Complications include infection, rupture and loss of sensation. About 16 percent of women who undergo surgery report complications. Of that 16 percent, 1 percent requires additional surgery to repair issues caused by the initial enhancement.
Natural Breast Enhancement
Sometimes surgery simply isn't the answer. Many women choose to use natural remedies in pill or cream form. Certain herbs have proven effective in their ability to increase the size and firmness of the breast. Used with consistency, herbal remedies provide very positive results. Herbs such as fenugreek are rich in substances that aid in the development of mammary glands. Fennel seed contains flavonoids that help repair and stimulate new tissue growth.
Other herbs such as black cohosh produce results similar to drugs used in hormone replacement therapy. Herbal remedies rarely produce harmful side effects. Even though they're considered a healthy alternative medicine, check with your doctor before using herbs to self treat. Always read the instructions printed on the bottle carefully. Even herbs run the risk of overdose, although it is a small risk.
Benefits of Natural Breast Enhancement
Unlike surgery, which is permanent whether good or bad, herbal enhancers are all natural and completely in your control. They allow you to control how many cup sizes you increase. Stop treatment when you feel you've reached the size you're comfortable with. Resume treatment at any time if you decide you want more fullness or even another cup size.
Remember, a confident woman is a sexy woman. When a woman looks and feels her best, she soars above the rest. The added benefits of herbal remedies allow a full-body transition, not just larger, fuller breasts. The results are permanent and newly formed tissue does not go away when you stop taking the supplement.
In addition to enhancing the size, shape and fullness of the breast, herbal remedies provide many more health benefits. Other benefits may include improved thyroid function, hormonal balancing, fewer menstrual problems and improved hair and nail growth. The overall benefits of natural breast enhancement as opposed to surgery are phenomenal.
Breast size and weight are two issues women struggle with the most. Society has placed a great deal of emphasis on outward appearance. Differences in body types make us who we are. Some women feel uncomfortable with their weight or their bust size and that is perfectly natural. Confidence is a quality that makes us who we are. Many men say a confident woman is a sexy woman. When a woman isn't comfortable with her body, she doesn't display that air of confidence that attracts potential partners. Herbal remedies, hormone therapy and surgery are the three most popular ways to increase breast size and fullness.
Weight and Breast Size
Because of the amount of fatty tissue in the breast, when a woman loses weight she also loses some fullness in her bust. The opposite is generally true for a woman who gains weight. Unfortunately weight gain isn't the healthy way to increase bust size, and it doesn't always work as planned. Some women request hormone therapy as a more natural form of breast enhancement. Hormone levels have a great impact on breast size, shape and fullness. Hormone therapy often has other undesirable side effects that make it a less viable.
Surgical Breast Enhancement
Surgical enhancement is considered major surgery and should be considered very carefully. It is not covered by most major insurances because it is not considered a necessary surgery. Complications include infection, rupture and loss of sensation. About 16 percent of women who undergo surgery report complications. Of that 16 percent, 1 percent requires additional surgery to repair issues caused by the initial enhancement.
Natural Breast Enhancement
Sometimes surgery simply isn't the answer. Many women choose to use natural remedies in pill or cream form. Certain herbs have proven effective in their ability to increase the size and firmness of the breast. Used with consistency, herbal remedies provide very positive results. Herbs such as fenugreek are rich in substances that aid in the development of mammary glands. Fennel seed contains flavonoids that help repair and stimulate new tissue growth.
Other herbs such as black cohosh produce results similar to drugs used in hormone replacement therapy. Herbal remedies rarely produce harmful side effects. Even though they're considered a healthy alternative medicine, check with your doctor before using herbs to self treat. Always read the instructions printed on the bottle carefully. Even herbs run the risk of overdose, although it is a small risk.
Benefits of Natural Breast Enhancement
Unlike surgery, which is permanent whether good or bad, herbal enhancers are all natural and completely in your control. They allow you to control how many cup sizes you increase. Stop treatment when you feel you've reached the size you're comfortable with. Resume treatment at any time if you decide you want more fullness or even another cup size.
Remember, a confident woman is a sexy woman. When a woman looks and feels her best, she soars above the rest. The added benefits of herbal remedies allow a full-body transition, not just larger, fuller breasts. The results are permanent and newly formed tissue does not go away when you stop taking the supplement.
In addition to enhancing the size, shape and fullness of the breast, herbal remedies provide many more health benefits. Other benefits may include improved thyroid function, hormonal balancing, fewer menstrual problems and improved hair and nail growth. The overall benefits of natural breast enhancement as opposed to surgery are phenomenal.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
How To Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You
By Dr Kim.
A few days ago, I was flipping through an Oprah magazine that my wife borrowed from our public library when I came across a short piece on forgiveness by playwright and actor Tyler Perry.
Here's the part that I felt a strong connection to:
My father was a carpenter. He used his hands to pour concrete and hammer nails. He also used his hands to beat me.
I was a tall child, but sickly—I had asthma—and when I went to work with him, the sawdust made me cough. I preferred staying home, writing and drawing. I conjured up other worlds: worlds in which I didn't worry about being poor, in which I was someone else's child, a child who lived in a mansion and had a dog. My father—a man with a third-grade education who was orphaned at 2 and sent to work in the fields at 5—understood only the physical. He thought he could beat the softness out of me and make me hard like him.
When I was 21, I left my house in New Orleans and headed to Atlanta to be a playwright. I got a day job as a bill collector and scrimped and saved to put on my play I Know I've Been Changed— a musical about recovering from an abusive childhood. But even though I was writing about recovering, I wasn't doing it. Every day I felt angry and bitter and terribly lonely. I rarely dated, and if a woman told me she loved me, I headed for the door. My play bombed; 30 people came on opening weekend. I put it on the next year and the year after that, and each time, it bombed again. Finally, 28 years old, out of money and months behind on my rent, I started sleeping in my car. When the car broke down, I asked my father to cosign on a new one, as he had just done for my sister (the light-skinned sister he adored). When he refused, I forged his signature. And when the car got repossessed, he called me, yelling. Sitting in that little room I'd just scraped together enough money to rent, listening to him berate me, something snapped. Something dormant in me woke up, and I began to yell back.
I told him that he'd hated me since I was born, that I didn't deserve the things he'd done to me. Everything I'd ever felt or thought—even things I hadn't been aware of—came out. When I was done, the line was silent for a long time. And then, for the first time ever, my father said, "I love you."
After we hung up, I felt light, empty, and exhausted. I knew that I would never again look at my father in hurt or anger. But in a strange way, I also sensed that something had died. I sat crying for hours, as if I were in mourning. My energy source, my fight, the rage that had moved me every day—it was all gone.
Slowly but surely, I began to fuel my days with joy instead of fury. That year—call it coincidence, call it karma—my play sold out. Then it sold out again, and then again. I began to write new plays, and the theme of forgiveness runs through them all. It's simple: When you haven't forgiven those who've hurt you, you turn your back against your future. When you do forgive, you start walking forward.
I can't get over how powerful his last statement is:
When you haven't forgiven those who've hurt you, you turn your back against your future. When you do forgive, you start walking forward.
I understand and agree with the idea that forgiving others is more about your peace of mind then it is about their feelings. You don't have to make it known to those who have hurt you that you have forgiven them.
The issue is learning how to transcend the hurt, how to get to a place in your heart and mind where the hurt is no longer holding you back from fully caring for others and allowing yourself to be cared for by others.
Is it possible to truly forgive all transgressions?
How do you forgive someone who physically abused you when you were a child?
How do you forgive someone who raped you or a family member?
How do you forgive someone who spread vicious and humiliating lies about you?
How do you forgive parents who put their own needs and egos way ahead of your basic emotional needs as a child?
How do you forgive a parent who left you when you were young?
How do you forgive someone who has sucked the joy out of your life through his or her negative, hypocritical, phony, lazy, selfish, and ill-tempered behavior through decades of marriage?
Maybe complete forgiveness is impossible in some cases. Maybe hurt that you have encountered is so bad that you will suffer to some degree until you pass on because you will always be angry at the people who hurt you.
If you are determined to find a way to free yourself of the burden of chronic anger, no matter how badly you have been hurt, there is one powerful and effective exercise that I can recommend.
It's to sit or lie in a quiet place and imagine your tormentors as they were when they were babies or young children. Visualize these people one at a time, and really take time to feel the realities of their lives as toddlers.
Babies are not born with a distinct desire to hurt others physically or emotionally. They are born craving love and protection. Visualize what your tormentors were like when they did nothing but crave love and protection.
If you work at realizing how pure and innocent your tormentors once were, you may come to a point where it becomes clear that their hurtful acts as older children or adults likely stem from their own wounds.
If you know of another effective way of bringing yourself to forgive people who have hurt you badly, I would appreciate you sharing in the comments section below. Your thoughts on this topic may make a significant difference in another person's life.
A few days ago, I was flipping through an Oprah magazine that my wife borrowed from our public library when I came across a short piece on forgiveness by playwright and actor Tyler Perry.
Here's the part that I felt a strong connection to:
My father was a carpenter. He used his hands to pour concrete and hammer nails. He also used his hands to beat me.
I was a tall child, but sickly—I had asthma—and when I went to work with him, the sawdust made me cough. I preferred staying home, writing and drawing. I conjured up other worlds: worlds in which I didn't worry about being poor, in which I was someone else's child, a child who lived in a mansion and had a dog. My father—a man with a third-grade education who was orphaned at 2 and sent to work in the fields at 5—understood only the physical. He thought he could beat the softness out of me and make me hard like him.
When I was 21, I left my house in New Orleans and headed to Atlanta to be a playwright. I got a day job as a bill collector and scrimped and saved to put on my play I Know I've Been Changed— a musical about recovering from an abusive childhood. But even though I was writing about recovering, I wasn't doing it. Every day I felt angry and bitter and terribly lonely. I rarely dated, and if a woman told me she loved me, I headed for the door. My play bombed; 30 people came on opening weekend. I put it on the next year and the year after that, and each time, it bombed again. Finally, 28 years old, out of money and months behind on my rent, I started sleeping in my car. When the car broke down, I asked my father to cosign on a new one, as he had just done for my sister (the light-skinned sister he adored). When he refused, I forged his signature. And when the car got repossessed, he called me, yelling. Sitting in that little room I'd just scraped together enough money to rent, listening to him berate me, something snapped. Something dormant in me woke up, and I began to yell back.
I told him that he'd hated me since I was born, that I didn't deserve the things he'd done to me. Everything I'd ever felt or thought—even things I hadn't been aware of—came out. When I was done, the line was silent for a long time. And then, for the first time ever, my father said, "I love you."
After we hung up, I felt light, empty, and exhausted. I knew that I would never again look at my father in hurt or anger. But in a strange way, I also sensed that something had died. I sat crying for hours, as if I were in mourning. My energy source, my fight, the rage that had moved me every day—it was all gone.
Slowly but surely, I began to fuel my days with joy instead of fury. That year—call it coincidence, call it karma—my play sold out. Then it sold out again, and then again. I began to write new plays, and the theme of forgiveness runs through them all. It's simple: When you haven't forgiven those who've hurt you, you turn your back against your future. When you do forgive, you start walking forward.
I can't get over how powerful his last statement is:
When you haven't forgiven those who've hurt you, you turn your back against your future. When you do forgive, you start walking forward.
I understand and agree with the idea that forgiving others is more about your peace of mind then it is about their feelings. You don't have to make it known to those who have hurt you that you have forgiven them.
The issue is learning how to transcend the hurt, how to get to a place in your heart and mind where the hurt is no longer holding you back from fully caring for others and allowing yourself to be cared for by others.
Is it possible to truly forgive all transgressions?
How do you forgive someone who physically abused you when you were a child?
How do you forgive someone who raped you or a family member?
How do you forgive someone who spread vicious and humiliating lies about you?
How do you forgive parents who put their own needs and egos way ahead of your basic emotional needs as a child?
How do you forgive a parent who left you when you were young?
How do you forgive someone who has sucked the joy out of your life through his or her negative, hypocritical, phony, lazy, selfish, and ill-tempered behavior through decades of marriage?
Maybe complete forgiveness is impossible in some cases. Maybe hurt that you have encountered is so bad that you will suffer to some degree until you pass on because you will always be angry at the people who hurt you.
If you are determined to find a way to free yourself of the burden of chronic anger, no matter how badly you have been hurt, there is one powerful and effective exercise that I can recommend.
It's to sit or lie in a quiet place and imagine your tormentors as they were when they were babies or young children. Visualize these people one at a time, and really take time to feel the realities of their lives as toddlers.
Babies are not born with a distinct desire to hurt others physically or emotionally. They are born craving love and protection. Visualize what your tormentors were like when they did nothing but crave love and protection.
If you work at realizing how pure and innocent your tormentors once were, you may come to a point where it becomes clear that their hurtful acts as older children or adults likely stem from their own wounds.
If you know of another effective way of bringing yourself to forgive people who have hurt you badly, I would appreciate you sharing in the comments section below. Your thoughts on this topic may make a significant difference in another person's life.
Thoughts on Forgiving Someone Who Has Hurt You, by Myra Bailes
By Myra Bailes
I definitely agree that forgiveness is often more about freeing oneself from limiting, painful emotions than it is about releasing the person who hurt you from responsibility for their actions.
Many times the people who hurt others are so unconscious of their own inner processes that they will continue to behave in the same or similar ways throughout their lives. They are simply too damaged and too ignorant to be able to do what it takes to recover and become sane, caring human beings.
What I have experienced also, is that most people have so many layers and characteristics, some of which may all tend in the same direction, while others seem to work at cross purposes. The same person who actually does love and respect and care about you may also harbor tremendous anger, condescension, frustration, etc., and they may at times believe that you are responsible for their unpleasant emotions, and treat you accordingly.
Since you are also a human being with many layers and characteristics, your own inner fears and conflicts and unpleasant emotions may indeed have triggered their reactions toward you. While I would hesitate to say that all this emotional pain and confusion and unconsciousness is "normal," it is certainly so common that probably almost everyone experiences it at least to some degree.
So, what are the keys to unraveling this stuff so that we can all free ourselves from past trauma? I believe there are:
1. Commitment. Realize that you are important enough to deserve to recover and be free to give and receive affection and respect. Respect the pain and the power it has to teach you about yourself, about others, about life. And commit to not giving up to despair.
Commit to inner honesty, commit to continue working to free yourself, to open yourself to life.
2. Listen to what your dreams are trying to tell you. Your organism constantly seeks to heal itself on all levels.
Sometimes your dreams may speak of your anxiety, your grief. Contemplate the dream images on an emotional level and feel compassion toward yourself. Other times your dreams may show you a tremendous beauty, love, peace, joy. This type of dream indicates that you do indeed still have all of this inside of you, trying to manifest in your life. Acknowledge this message by consciously assisting your inner joy, love, peace, and beauty to find active expression in your waking life.
3. Forgive yourself and don't get caught up in remorse. Feel it, but don't be attached to it. Remorse should be your loving teacher--no matter how painful the memories--but not your slavemaster or torturer. By and by, as you learn to forgive yourself, the forgiveness towards others--and towards the hardships of life in general--will also develop.
4. Don't expect "perfection." Forgiveness usually isn't an all-or-nothing, once-and-forever phenomenon. The only real perfection lies in transcendence, in universal consciousness, toward which each being, through the power of life itself, unceasingly attempts to move. Every time an inner barrier dissolves, rejoice and breathe! You have passed a milestone, but the journey is not over!
5. Try to understand the personality and emotional components of your relationships with other people.
Learn to be your own emotional detective. Your feelings can be valuable clues, both to your own inner self as well as to the personality and emotions of other people. Understood in this light, your relationships can teach you many valuable lessons.
Sometimes the lesson might be, "I need to understand, love, and respect myself more". Other times it might be, "This is a person with whom I should not be in a close relationship."
Respect your intuition and understanding and act accordingly, focusing on taking the best possible care of yourself--not on negative emotions or actions towards the other person.
6. Don't be in a hurry. If you tend to "fall in love at first sight" and then soon find that Mr. or Ms. Right isn't so right after all, even might be someone who is going to hurt you a lot, consciously try to slow it down! Why are you in such a big hurry? Is it because you are so desperate for affection that you are forgetting to first find out if this person is actually worthy of a close relationship with you?
Respect your need for affection first of all by respecting your right to personal safety and well-being. If you love and respect yourself, you will know more about what to look for in others, and more apt to find relationships with people who truly love and respect you. So don't be in a hurry. Take your time, be observant, and choose your friends and "significant others" carefully and consciously.
7. Sometimes a sense of humor can come to the rescue! I know people who gush at me when they see me. These same people, however, do nothing to create or maintain a friendship with me. They never call me, never invite me to their house, do not return my phone calls or respond to my e-mails. Yes, I've felt angry at them sometimes. I resent their apparent shallowness. But hey, there's nothing that says I have to build my emotional satisfaction around these people! If that's how they are or how they want to be, who am I to try to change them? Essentially they are harmless, they are not out there killing and maiming, cheating and stealing; they are just a little flighty and insincere. They've just wounded my vanity a little bit. Big deal! And then I laugh at the absurdity of it all. It's like the James Thurber cartoon where it shows a zillion people all rushing to and fro along a busy street going past a cemetery. The only text is "Destinations." So I just appreciate myself a bit, and giggle. In the end, we're all going to the same place anyway!
I definitely agree that forgiveness is often more about freeing oneself from limiting, painful emotions than it is about releasing the person who hurt you from responsibility for their actions.
Many times the people who hurt others are so unconscious of their own inner processes that they will continue to behave in the same or similar ways throughout their lives. They are simply too damaged and too ignorant to be able to do what it takes to recover and become sane, caring human beings.
What I have experienced also, is that most people have so many layers and characteristics, some of which may all tend in the same direction, while others seem to work at cross purposes. The same person who actually does love and respect and care about you may also harbor tremendous anger, condescension, frustration, etc., and they may at times believe that you are responsible for their unpleasant emotions, and treat you accordingly.
Since you are also a human being with many layers and characteristics, your own inner fears and conflicts and unpleasant emotions may indeed have triggered their reactions toward you. While I would hesitate to say that all this emotional pain and confusion and unconsciousness is "normal," it is certainly so common that probably almost everyone experiences it at least to some degree.
So, what are the keys to unraveling this stuff so that we can all free ourselves from past trauma? I believe there are:
1. Commitment. Realize that you are important enough to deserve to recover and be free to give and receive affection and respect. Respect the pain and the power it has to teach you about yourself, about others, about life. And commit to not giving up to despair.
Commit to inner honesty, commit to continue working to free yourself, to open yourself to life.
2. Listen to what your dreams are trying to tell you. Your organism constantly seeks to heal itself on all levels.
Sometimes your dreams may speak of your anxiety, your grief. Contemplate the dream images on an emotional level and feel compassion toward yourself. Other times your dreams may show you a tremendous beauty, love, peace, joy. This type of dream indicates that you do indeed still have all of this inside of you, trying to manifest in your life. Acknowledge this message by consciously assisting your inner joy, love, peace, and beauty to find active expression in your waking life.
3. Forgive yourself and don't get caught up in remorse. Feel it, but don't be attached to it. Remorse should be your loving teacher--no matter how painful the memories--but not your slavemaster or torturer. By and by, as you learn to forgive yourself, the forgiveness towards others--and towards the hardships of life in general--will also develop.
4. Don't expect "perfection." Forgiveness usually isn't an all-or-nothing, once-and-forever phenomenon. The only real perfection lies in transcendence, in universal consciousness, toward which each being, through the power of life itself, unceasingly attempts to move. Every time an inner barrier dissolves, rejoice and breathe! You have passed a milestone, but the journey is not over!
5. Try to understand the personality and emotional components of your relationships with other people.
Learn to be your own emotional detective. Your feelings can be valuable clues, both to your own inner self as well as to the personality and emotions of other people. Understood in this light, your relationships can teach you many valuable lessons.
Sometimes the lesson might be, "I need to understand, love, and respect myself more". Other times it might be, "This is a person with whom I should not be in a close relationship."
Respect your intuition and understanding and act accordingly, focusing on taking the best possible care of yourself--not on negative emotions or actions towards the other person.
6. Don't be in a hurry. If you tend to "fall in love at first sight" and then soon find that Mr. or Ms. Right isn't so right after all, even might be someone who is going to hurt you a lot, consciously try to slow it down! Why are you in such a big hurry? Is it because you are so desperate for affection that you are forgetting to first find out if this person is actually worthy of a close relationship with you?
Respect your need for affection first of all by respecting your right to personal safety and well-being. If you love and respect yourself, you will know more about what to look for in others, and more apt to find relationships with people who truly love and respect you. So don't be in a hurry. Take your time, be observant, and choose your friends and "significant others" carefully and consciously.
7. Sometimes a sense of humor can come to the rescue! I know people who gush at me when they see me. These same people, however, do nothing to create or maintain a friendship with me. They never call me, never invite me to their house, do not return my phone calls or respond to my e-mails. Yes, I've felt angry at them sometimes. I resent their apparent shallowness. But hey, there's nothing that says I have to build my emotional satisfaction around these people! If that's how they are or how they want to be, who am I to try to change them? Essentially they are harmless, they are not out there killing and maiming, cheating and stealing; they are just a little flighty and insincere. They've just wounded my vanity a little bit. Big deal! And then I laugh at the absurdity of it all. It's like the James Thurber cartoon where it shows a zillion people all rushing to and fro along a busy street going past a cemetery. The only text is "Destinations." So I just appreciate myself a bit, and giggle. In the end, we're all going to the same place anyway!
Do You Hate The Way You Look?
By Dr Kim.
In March of 2006, I received the following letter from someone who consulted with me for a skin condition:
Dear Dr. Kim,
I wondered if you would have any advice because I'm having a very hard time emotionally. I'm having a problem with low self esteem and self confidence, mainly because of my (health condition).
I don't have any friends or acquaintances (in my local area), and I've had a huge problem with loneliness over the past year.
I feel too embarrassed to meet other young people because of the (health condition), and I feel my emotional state has taken a large toll on me. It seems like a catch 22 situation.
I would appreciate any thoughts or suggestions you have on this.
Best wishes,Jessica
Because I have received letters like Jessica's over the years from people of both genders, all ages, and a variety of ethnic backgrounds, I thought it might be helpful to share some of the thoughts that I included in my reply to Jessica.
If you've been reading our site for a while, you may know that I came to do the work that I do now because of my own health challenges as a 19-year old.
Due to a variety of stressors that I faced at that time, I developed a skin condition called vitiligo. Over a period of 3-4 years, I lost approximately 25 percent of my skin color in patches on my face and body.
This condition affected every part of my life. I thought that no one would hire me as a chiropractor because of the way that I looked. I was depressed because I couldn't play tennis, baseball, and basketball for hours at a time like I used to without getting sun burned. I was sure that no one would ever want to marry me.
For about two years, I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. I showered, brushed my teeth, and washed my face in the bathroom with the lights off. Such was the extent to which I had come to loathe my scars.
I'd like to tell you that there was one magical moment when it all turned around for me. The truth is that it took many years to overcome my low self esteem and addiction to self pity.
There were a number of thoughts and events that encouraged me to see my physical appearance differently.
At one point, I realized that the person who made the most of my physical appearance was me. When I made it a big issue in my own mind, it seemed to become more of an issue to those around me. When I went about my life without obsessing over my appearance, it clearly became less of an issue to people I interacted with.
Sure, there were a few people here and there who clearly indicated that they didn't want anything to do with me because of my unique physical appearance, but for the most part, almost everyone I met and interacted with didn't even bring it up. Some even made me feel like they didn't notice it at all.
Another important epiphany occurred when a friend asked me to consider how I would want my own future child to go about his or her life if they faced the same circumstances that I faced. In recognizing that I would not want low self esteem over physical appearance to hinder my own child's life in any way, I was inspired to begin the practice of living my own life in a way that resembled how I wished my own child's life would turn out.
It took me until I was about the age of 26 or 27 to feel relatively free of the self pity that I allowed to plague me since I developed vitiligo.
And since that time, I've come to realize repeatedly that my experiences with vitiligo and low self esteem over my physical appearance are among the greatest gifts that I have ever received.
Because of my experiences, I can truly relate to clients who have a health challenge that involves anxiety about their physical appearance. If I didn't have the experience of not being able to turn the lights on in the bathroom, I believe that I would have less capacity to understand and help some of these people. To focus solely on dietary choices when a person can't even look into a mirror without a visceral reaction is not likely to lead to a positive, long term outcome.
My vitiligo also gives me the ability to quickly identify people who place more importance on a person's character than on a person's looks. When my wife knew that she wanted to marry me when she was 25-years old, I knew that I had found someone who recognized my spirit. I didn't need a handsome face, fancy clothes, a stuffed wallet, a flashy sports car, or a 5,000 square foot home to have her want to marry me.
Without my vitiligo, I doubt that I would have gotten interested in leading the healthy lifestyle that my family does now.
I could share many more blessings that have come about because of the skin condition that caused years of sadness, but hopefully, my point is clear.
If you suffer with anxiety about your physical appearance, I hope that you will take some time to consider the many ways in which your current and past suffering can lead to a bright and meaningful life. As Shakespeare wrote, "...there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
It's difficult to change the way that you feel about yourself in just a few days. But I hope that you are inspired to think about your appearance and life in a way that you would want your own child to think about his or her own situation.
In March of 2006, I received the following letter from someone who consulted with me for a skin condition:
Dear Dr. Kim,
I wondered if you would have any advice because I'm having a very hard time emotionally. I'm having a problem with low self esteem and self confidence, mainly because of my (health condition).
I don't have any friends or acquaintances (in my local area), and I've had a huge problem with loneliness over the past year.
I feel too embarrassed to meet other young people because of the (health condition), and I feel my emotional state has taken a large toll on me. It seems like a catch 22 situation.
I would appreciate any thoughts or suggestions you have on this.
Best wishes,Jessica
Because I have received letters like Jessica's over the years from people of both genders, all ages, and a variety of ethnic backgrounds, I thought it might be helpful to share some of the thoughts that I included in my reply to Jessica.
If you've been reading our site for a while, you may know that I came to do the work that I do now because of my own health challenges as a 19-year old.
Due to a variety of stressors that I faced at that time, I developed a skin condition called vitiligo. Over a period of 3-4 years, I lost approximately 25 percent of my skin color in patches on my face and body.
This condition affected every part of my life. I thought that no one would hire me as a chiropractor because of the way that I looked. I was depressed because I couldn't play tennis, baseball, and basketball for hours at a time like I used to without getting sun burned. I was sure that no one would ever want to marry me.
For about two years, I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. I showered, brushed my teeth, and washed my face in the bathroom with the lights off. Such was the extent to which I had come to loathe my scars.
I'd like to tell you that there was one magical moment when it all turned around for me. The truth is that it took many years to overcome my low self esteem and addiction to self pity.
There were a number of thoughts and events that encouraged me to see my physical appearance differently.
At one point, I realized that the person who made the most of my physical appearance was me. When I made it a big issue in my own mind, it seemed to become more of an issue to those around me. When I went about my life without obsessing over my appearance, it clearly became less of an issue to people I interacted with.
Sure, there were a few people here and there who clearly indicated that they didn't want anything to do with me because of my unique physical appearance, but for the most part, almost everyone I met and interacted with didn't even bring it up. Some even made me feel like they didn't notice it at all.
Another important epiphany occurred when a friend asked me to consider how I would want my own future child to go about his or her life if they faced the same circumstances that I faced. In recognizing that I would not want low self esteem over physical appearance to hinder my own child's life in any way, I was inspired to begin the practice of living my own life in a way that resembled how I wished my own child's life would turn out.
It took me until I was about the age of 26 or 27 to feel relatively free of the self pity that I allowed to plague me since I developed vitiligo.
And since that time, I've come to realize repeatedly that my experiences with vitiligo and low self esteem over my physical appearance are among the greatest gifts that I have ever received.
Because of my experiences, I can truly relate to clients who have a health challenge that involves anxiety about their physical appearance. If I didn't have the experience of not being able to turn the lights on in the bathroom, I believe that I would have less capacity to understand and help some of these people. To focus solely on dietary choices when a person can't even look into a mirror without a visceral reaction is not likely to lead to a positive, long term outcome.
My vitiligo also gives me the ability to quickly identify people who place more importance on a person's character than on a person's looks. When my wife knew that she wanted to marry me when she was 25-years old, I knew that I had found someone who recognized my spirit. I didn't need a handsome face, fancy clothes, a stuffed wallet, a flashy sports car, or a 5,000 square foot home to have her want to marry me.
Without my vitiligo, I doubt that I would have gotten interested in leading the healthy lifestyle that my family does now.
I could share many more blessings that have come about because of the skin condition that caused years of sadness, but hopefully, my point is clear.
If you suffer with anxiety about your physical appearance, I hope that you will take some time to consider the many ways in which your current and past suffering can lead to a bright and meaningful life. As Shakespeare wrote, "...there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so."
It's difficult to change the way that you feel about yourself in just a few days. But I hope that you are inspired to think about your appearance and life in a way that you would want your own child to think about his or her own situation.
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